Babel or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution by R.F. Kuang.
Spoiler alert: this book is brilliant.
Review by Michaele Jordan: We all raged over the Hugo nominations scandal. We wrote angry letters, we excoriated the self-appointed censors, we bemoaned the tarnish on our beloved awards, we vowed to make sure this never happens again. And then we had to move on, get on with our lives. So I grabbed up a number of books that I’d heard might have been nominated if the committee had played fair and honest. I started with Babel or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution by R.F. Kuang.
And now I’m angry all over again. Because this is one of the best books I have EVER read. It is a masterpiece. That it should be censored, not for any evil accusations against China — which is treated with respect – but simply because it mentions China (which would be difficult to avoid in a book about British colonialism and the Opium Wars) is not merely ugly – it is evil.
I can almost hear you muttering, “’a book about British colonialism and the Opium Wars’? Doesn’t sound like a masterpiece to me. Sounds really dull. And what’s that got to do with SFF, anyway?”
It’s set mostly in Oxford in the 1830’s – which is depicted with a stunningly authentic realism, except for one little thing: an extra college (with its associated building, the tower of Babel) has been inserted into the university. It’s small, prestigious college and hard to get into. Candidates are required to speak at least three languages fluently to qualify and, having gained entry, spend years studying more languages. It’s a school of translation, and translation is the central power source of the magic that keeps the empire running.
It’s a very subtle magic. It works by inscribing two words (called a match pair) onto a silver plate. The first word (usually English) suggests what the user wishes to do. The second is the same word in a different language. But, as any fluent speaker can tell you, translation is never precise – every language has its own nuances, its own associations. That slight difference in meaning infuses the silver. The resulting power causes the silver bar to operate much like an electric battery. And so it’s everywhere, keeping ships afloat, keeping mills operating and street lamps lit, and managing the empire. And it all runs on silver.
So Britain needs silver to keep everything running. Silver is NOT an infinite resource, but the need for it is. We therefore remain in a truthful analog of Britain in the 1830’s. England is conquering the world, and angry about China’s refusal to enter into a “normal” trade relationship, i.e., two-way trading. China has silver, but they won’t buy anything from the west, so their silver remains in China. Britain can only find one thing that the Chinese will buy: opium. Opium is illegal in China. But the British insist on selling it to them anyway. This will not end well.
A novel needs characters to put a human face on political strategies. We have four main characters – students in a very small class at the university. Two are dark-skinned and two are light skinned. Two are boys (one white and one black) and two are girls (again, one white and one black) Three of them are immigrants of some sort. Robin is half Chinese and pale (in a dim light or from a distance, he can pass as white. Ramy is Arab, and so dark-skinned. Victoire is French, but she’s originally from Haiti. And lastly, we come to Letty, the only one who is not an immigrant. She’s a classic English rose,
Oxford considers itself the creme de la creme. Which means it expects itself to be all white and all English. Robin, Ramy, and Victoire suffer daily insults and indignities. Letty, not so much. But she’s still female, and women are not normally admitted to Oxford. So even she is viewed with a mixture of condescension and suspicion.
Even if I wanted to commit spoilers, it would take pages and pages to explain the story. (Hey, It took Ms. Kuang hundreds of pages to tell it.), So I’ll leave off now, and let you discover for yourself what happens next.
…I did the best I could for that book. I didn’t know how to ask for things. I made compromises. I knew I didn’t want the cover art to play into Orientalist tropes, and I knew I didn’t want a generic, European, epic fantasy cover, but I didn’t know how to communicate or negotiate something in between. I latched onto the first concept that wasn’t dreadful. I thought that if I said anything more, then I would hamstring my career before it had gotten off the ground. At twenty, I was scared of my own shadow.
We’ve grown a lot since then.
Last year, my editor asked me: if we could reissue The Poppy War again today, what would I change? How would the cover look? How would the interior art look?…
…. In 1964 Victor Pemberton submitted ‘The Slide’ (in which the Doctor discovered sentient, mind-controlling mud) to the Doctor Who production offices. The story was rejected and so Pemberton adapted it for BBC radio. ‘The Slide’ was then adapted back into a Doctor Who story that swapped the mud for seaweed in 1968’s ‘Fury from the Deep’.
Donald Cotton, who wrote two Hartnell stories, submitted a third which contained the idea that the Loch Ness Monster was of alien origin. ‘The Herdsmen of Venus’ suggested that the Loch Ness Monster was in fact a type of space bovine, bred by the titular herdsmen, and raising the very real possibility of a space helmet for a cow. Cotton’s story was rejected by the a new production team who felt Doctor Who should be a serious show, though seemingly conflicting alien origins for the Loch Ness Monster would appear in 1975’s ‘Terror of the Zygons’ and 1985’s ‘Timelash’….
(4) THE BASIC UNIT OF SOCIETY. Joe Vasicek by no means styles himself a liberal thinker, however, it’s thought-provoking to read his explanation for this change: “Why I no longer consider myself to be a libertarian” at One Thousand And One Parsecs.
… Families don’t just happen. They take a lot of work to build and to maintain, and unless they are planted in a culture that nourishes them, they will wither and die. Libertarianism does not foster that kind of a culture, yet it depends on families in order to raise the kind of people who can make a libertarian society work. People from broken families often lack the mental and emotional maturity to take upon themselves the personal responsibilities that come with personal liberty—in other words, they lack the capacity for personal independence which libertarianism depends on….
… The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA — an ambitious federal innovations division — has begun collaborating with over a dozen companies on potential future lunar technologies, including a moon railroad. It’s called the 10-Year Lunar Architecture Capability Study, or LunA-10, and its mission is to find technologies that will catalyze a self-perpetuating lunar economy….
… DARPA recently chose the aerospace and defense giant Northrup Grumman to create the concept for the railroad. “The envisioned lunar railroad network could transport humans, supplies, and resources for commercial ventures across the lunar surface — contributing to a space economy for the United States and international partners,” the company wrote. They’ll aim to develop a railway that limits the human footprint on the largely still pristine lunar surface, and design a system that anyone could ride or load cargo on (such as with standardized, moon-worthy equipment that can withstand huge temperature swings)…
There has been an invasion at my trusty local import bookstore, an invasion of scantily clad, muscular Barbarians, sporting furry loincloths and horned helmets and brandishing gigantic swords and axes, while equally scantily clad maidens cling to their mighty thews….
Apple TV+ has just announced that not only is For All Mankind coming back for a fifth season, it’s also getting a spinoff called Star City that will tell the story from the Soviet point of view, starting with them beating America to the moon….
…Apple is billing Star City is “a propulsive paranoid thriller” which will explore a key moment in the alt-history retelling of the space race — when the Soviet Union became the first nation to put a man on the moon. But this time, it will explore the story from behind the Iron Curtain, showing the lives of the cosmonauts, the engineers, and the intelligence officers embedded among them in the Soviet space program, and the risks they all took to propel humanity forward….
(8) TODAY’S BIRTHDAY.
[Written by Cat Eldridge.]
Born April 17, 1959 — Sean Bean, 65. Today’s Birthday is that of Sean Bean whose most well known role is either Lord Eddard “Ned” Stark in Game of Thrones or Boromir in Jackson’s The Lord of The Rings trilogy (though his scenes in The Two Towers are only available on the extended version.) I really liked him as Boromir in The Fellowship of The Ring which I’ve watched a number of times.
Sean Bean in 2016.
If you count National Treasure as being genre adjacent, and I certainly do given its premise, he’s Ian Lowe there — a crime boss and treasure hunter who is a former friend of Benjamin Gate, the character Nicolas Cage plays.
He’s James in The Dark, a horror film based off Welsh mythology with connections to the Welsh underworld Annwyn.
He’s done a lot of horror films — Silent Hill is his next one in which he’s Christopher Da Silva, husband of Rose, and it’s a haunted mansion mystery as its sequel. He played Ulric in Black Death. Guess when that is set?
Genre wise, there’s Possessor where he’s a mind jumping assassin. Hey it’s also listed as being horror! Then there’s Jupiter Ascending where he’s Stinger Apindi, Over there we find The Martian where he’s Mitch Henderson, and in Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief he’s Zeus.
More interestingly he was Inspector John Marlottin The Frankenstein Chronicles, an ITV series about a London police officer who uncovers a corpse made up of body parts from eight missing children and sets about to determine who is responsible.
Lastly I’ll note that he was in the Snowpiercer series as Mr. Wilford. I’ve not seen it. So how is it?
Just in time to celebrate 45 years since its release, Ridley Scott’s Alien is coming back to theaters this spring. Coming on “Alien Day” — that’s April 26 — the movie will screen at theaters across the U.S. Over at Fandango, you can see where screenings are, order tickets, and browse other merch like an homage poster, collectables, books, apparel, and more. The screenings on Alien Day will also feature an exclusive conversation between Scott and Alien: Romulus writer/director Fede Alvarez….
…Speaking in an interview with Deadline about post-strike Hollywood, Gaiman reflected on his upcoming projects – and in the process, offered up a timeline for Good Omens season 3 production.
He said: “That being said, you know, Dead Boy Detectives comes out in 10 days. I’ve seen half of Sandman season 2, and it’s astonishing. I’m writing Good Omens season 3, and we start shooting that in January.”…
At its March 16, 2024 meeting, the SFSFC Board of Directors discharged the standing committees previously established to operate Costume-Con 39 and Westercon 74. Both conventions have completed all of their tasks. This action means that both convention committees will close their financial books and turn over any remaining surplus assets to the SFSFC corporate general fund. Any residual responsibilities of these committees have similarly been absorbed by the corporation’s general fund.
SFSFC continues to maintain both conventions’ websites. Anyone with questions about either committee can still contact the organization through those convention’s general-information inquiry addresses or they can contact SFSFC directly.
A golden retriever turned into a doctor when he diagnosed his owner with an illness before she got sick.
Christina Lee, a software engineer from Northern California, taught her dog Cache to talk to her by pressing buttons on a communication device.
The device is pre-programmed with words such as “food,” “friend,” and “mom.” But when Cache pressed a button saying “sick,” Lee was initially skeptical as she felt fine. However, five hours later, she began to feel unwell.
“This is the first time that he’s predicted when I would get sick ahead of time,” says Lee. “I think he could smell it on me or something.”
[Thanks to Steven French, Mike Kennedy, Andrew Porter, JJ, Kathy Sullivan, Kevin Standlee, John King Tarpinian, Chris Barkley, Cat Eldridge, SF Concatenation’s Jonathan Cowie for some of these stories. Title credit belongs to File 770 contributing editor of the day Peer.]
The Grand Prix de l’Imaginaire 2024 finalists were announced on April 12. The awards will be presented during La Comédie du Livre – Dix jours en mai to be held May 10-19 in Montpellier, France.
The award’s mission is described on its website with a touch of irony: “Grand Prix de l’Imaginaire is the oldest French prize still in operation – since 1974 – as well as the most prestigious dedicated to the ‘literatures of the Imaginary’. The term ‘Imaginary’ covers all these ‘bad genres’ that are science fiction, fantasy, fantasy, as well as various fusions of these genres and ‘transfictions’ where, for example, some ‘non-mimetic’ elements creep insidiously into a so-called ‘general’ literature.”
The jurors are Joëlle Wintrebert (president), Jean-Claude Dunyach (treasurer), Sylvie Allouche, Audrey Burki, Lloyd Chéry, Catherine Dufour, Olivier Legendre (vice-president), Benjamin Spohr, and Nicolas Winter. The Secretary (not a member of the jury) is Sylvie Le Jemtel.
ROMAN FRANCOPHONE / NOVEL IN FRENCH
Trois battements, un silence by Anne Fakhouri (Argyll)
Vie contre vie by Tristan Garcia (Gallimard)
Le Tournoi des preux / Le Conte de l’assassin by Jean-Philippe Jaworski (Les Moutons Électriques)
Du thé pour les fantômes by Chris Vuklisevic (Denoël)
ROMAN ÉTRANGER / FOREIGN NOVEL
L’École des bonnes mères by Jessamine Chan [The School for Good Mothers] (Buchet-Chastel)
Le Pays sans lune by Simon Jimenez [The Spear Cuts Through Water] (J’Ai Lu)
La Mer de la Tranquillité by Emily St. John Mandel [The Sea of Tranquility] (Rivages)
Le Ministère du futur by Kim Stanley Robinson [The Ministry of the Future] (Bragelonne)
Les Voleurs d’Innocence by Sarai Walker [The Cherry Robbers] (Gallmeister)
NOUVELLE FRANCOPHONE / SHORT FICTION IN FRENCH
Traduction vers le rose by Esmée Dubois (1115)
Rossignol by Audrey Pleynet (Le Bélial’)
NOUVELLE ÉTRANGÈRE / FOREIGN SHORT FICTION
Une prière pour les cimes timides by Becky Chambers [A Prayer for the Crown-Shy] (L’Atalante)
Protectorats by Ray Nayler [Protectorates] (Le Bélial’ & Quarante-Deux)
Illuminations by Alan Moore [Illuminations] (Bragelonne)
Le Maître by Claire North [The Master] (Le Bélial’)
ROMAN JEUNESSE FRANCOPHONE / NOVELS FOR YOUTH IN FRENCH
Le Règne des chimères by Ariel Holzl (Slalom)
Histoire de la fille qui ne voulait tuer personne by Jérôme Leroy (Syros)
Obsidienne by Gaëlle Maumont (Gulf Stream)
La Sorcière sans nombril by Julia Thévenot (Gallimard Jeunesse)
ROMAN JEUNESSE ÉTRANGER / FOREIGN NOVELS FOR YOUTH
L’Étrange voyage de Clover Elkin by Eli Brown [Oddity] (Bayard)
Six couronnes écarlates by Elizabeth Lim [Six Crimson Cranes] (Rageot)
Sankofa, la fille adoptive de la mort by Nnedi Okorafor [Remote Control] (L’Ecole des Loisirs)
Saules de brume by Jeff Wheeler [Storm Glass] (Rivka)
TRADUCTION : PRIX JACQUES CHAMBON / JACQUES CHAMBON TRANSLATION PRIZE
Mikael Cabon for Comme un diamant dans ma mémoire by Guy Gavriel Kay (L’Atalante)
Getty Dambury for La Sirène de Black Conch by Monique Roffey (Mémoire d’Encrier)
Gilles Goullet for Astronautes morts by Jeff Vandermeer (Au Diable Vauvert)
Claire Kreutzberger for Illuminations by Alan Moore (Bragelonne)
At the forges of Vulcain and Callidor for their joint work around Arthur Machen: Arthur Machen, The Hill of Dreams and other fantastic stories (new translations of the great texts of the years 1896-1917 and first translation into French of A Fragment of Existence, At the Forges of Vulcan) and The Great God Pan (Callidor)
Q: What qualities must a story have to qualify as good horror in particular?
A: The things that any good story has plus the building of a sense of unease in the reader, the feeling that something is seriously wrong — dark and creepy and horrific. Horrible things are going to happen or are happening. I don’t expect stories to scare me, but I surely appreciate them making me feel extremely uncomfortable.
Q: What are some of your most common reasons for rejecting stories?
A: Bad writing, boring, tired plots. The words lying there like a dead fish.
(2) 2024 NEBULA CONFERENCE PRELIMINARY PROGRAMMING SCHEDULE HAS BEEN RELEASED. SFWA’s preliminary programming schedule for the 2024 Nebula Conference can be viewed here. The full schedule of events, including office hours and author meet-and-greets is yet to come.
Programming will begin on the 6th of June at 1:30pm PDT and conclude on the 9th of June at 11:30am PDT.
This professional development conference is for all authors and industry professionals within the science fiction, fantasy, and related genres and includes content geared toward creators working in games, comics, prose, poetry, and other mediums of storytelling.
If you volunteered to speak on programming: Thank you! You may have received a programming assignment email–please review this email to accept your assignment. Some assignments, however, will arrive in later waves. If you have not received an assignment you are still being considered. Our programming team will send notifications to all speaking volunteers, including those who were not scheduled, when assignments are complete.
If you submitted a programming idea: We’re grateful for the hundreds of panel topics and suggestions submitted for the conference – if your submission was not scheduled for this conference weekend, we may still be in touch about using it for an online panel later this year or during another event.
New Registration Feature: If you’ve already registered for the conference, we’ve now implemented a checkbox on newer registrations to show that you’re going! This option wasn’t available early on in the registration process, but if you’d like to opt-in and show your name on our list of attendees, please email [email protected] and we’ll get you sorted!
Registration (whether online or in-person in Pasadena, CA, includes access to the event, a year of access to recordings of many of the weekend’s panels, mentorship opportunities, the Nebula Awards ceremony, a conference Discord, and entry to our ongoing Nebula conference events–writing events, regular online panels, meetups, and more!
Room Block: If you are thinking about attending in person, time is ticking to reserve your room for the conference. Our room block will be closing soon and SFWA will not be able to guarantee the price for your stay with us. Every room that is booked directly will help us with our room block obligations, so if you have already booked, please let us know so we can add you to our list!
…One indie sci-fi anthology series, just released on YouTube, proves that the short form is still alive and well. A Thousand Sunsis a series created by filmmaker Macgregor, a cinematographer who has worked on everything from music videos for Dua Lipa to the Gerard Butler spy thriller Kandahar. Produced by Blackmilk Studios, with work from directors Ruairi Robinson, Tyson Wade Johnston, Tim Hyten, and Philip Gelatt, A Thousand Suns is basically a miniature, independent sci-fi film festival that you can watch right now….
…Because each of these shorts is about four minutes long, the Black Mirror-esque twists are sort of already happening as soon as you start watching….
…As of April [15], 2024, there are six episodes of A Thousand Suns up on YouTube and on the official site: 1Ksuns.com.
… “Civil War” joins a robust tradition of war films stretching back as far as 1925’s “The Big Parade” and 1926’s “What Price Glory?” that try to convey the power of violence itself: its horror, its allure, its twisted humor, and most of all its undeniable pull towards more violence. Hardy told IndieWire that he was much more influenced by photographers William Eggleston and Saul Leiter than specific war films or war photographers — although he did look at the work of Jessie’s (Cailee Spaeny) hero Lee Miller and others….
… Here are five war films (and one video game) that all share something — be it a sensibility, specific techniques, or a philosophical approach — with how “Civil War” tackles its action and combat sequences. They show just how successful war films can be at evoking strong feelings about violence, suffering, power, and courage, and also just how hard it is to tell war stories in a way that helps us avert them….
Here’s what the writer says about one of them:
‘Zero Dark Thirty’ (2012)
The impact of “Zero Dark Thirty” seems to have lessened over time, but that might be because the Seal Team Six assault that takes up the final third of Kathryn Bigelow’s film is so tautly edited that it leaves no room for other combat sequences to top its realism. Its use of night vision cameras and its ability to make the camera feel like another soldier on the mission is painfully precise. But there’s also something of a military practitioner’s perspective on how the camera tracks movement and what it settles on as important — it assesses threats and moves on. That perspective is sometimes clinical, sometimes fearful and adrenaline-fueled, and doesn’t leave too much space for sadness or horror until it floods in. Whether that is good enough determines whether you think a movie with combat sequences like “Zero Dark Thirty” or “Civil War” is ultimately a success or a failure in what it has to say about war.
…Conan Doyle wrote 60 Sherlock Holmes stories. He sold or gave away many of these manuscripts during his lifetime. He passed along others through his children. They eventually sold most of them, but his last surviving child, Dame Jean Conan Doyle (1912-1997), bequeathed three Holmes manuscripts to British institutions. Her gifts included The Retired Colourman, The Illustrious Client, and The Creeping Man….
… Almost all of the Holmes manuscripts written after 1902 still exist, in part because Conan Doyle started submitting typed copies to his publishers and retaining the original for himself. Only 4 of the 27 manuscripts written before 1902 are known to survive, although a few leaves remain from three other tales. Private collectors hold about half of the known existing manuscripts….
… Gaming is an inherently multisensory, immersive experience that, when riddled with violence or slanted by an extremist ideology, can be more impactful than a simple propaganda text or image in the radicalization process. According to a report by the UN Counter-Terrorism Centre (UNCCT) on the intersection between gaming and violent extremism, simulations created by extremists in otherwise neutral games like The Sims and Minecraft allow players to experience the Christchurch massacre from the shooter’s perspective. Meanwhile, in Roblox, a system that allows users to program and play games created by themselves or other users, extremists have created “white ethnostates”. Christian Picciolini, a former white supremacist, has explained how far-right extremists use popular games like Fortnite, Minecraft, and Call of Duty to recruit and radicalize marginalized youth experiencing social isolation….
A fire raged through one of Copenhagen’s oldest buildings Tuesday, destroying about half of the 17th-century Old Stock Exchange and collapsing its iconic dragon-tail spire, as passersby rushed to help emergency services save priceless paintings and other valuables.
The blaze broke out on the building’s roof during renovations, but police said it was too early to pinpoint the cause. The red-brick building, with its green copper roof and distinctive 56-meter (184-foot) spire in the shape of four intertwined dragon tails, is a major tourist attraction next to Denmark’s parliament, Christiansborg Palace, in the heart of the capital.
Bells tolled and sirens sounded as fire engulfed the spire and sent it crashing onto the building, which was shrouded by scaffolding. Huge billows of smoke rose over downtown Copenhagen and could be seen from southern Sweden, which is separated from the Danish capital by a narrow waterway.
(Click for larger images.)
(8) TODAY’S BIRTHDAY.
[Written by Cat Eldridge.]
Born April 16, 1921 — Sir Peter Alexander Ustinov. (Died 2004.) Peter Ustinov showed up in Logan’s Run as the Old Man; he had the lead role in Blackbeard’s Ghost as Captain Blackbeard based the Robert Stevenson novel; he was Charlie Chan in Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen (it’s at least genre adjacent, isn’t it?); he’s The Caliph in stellar Thief of Baghdad; a truck driver in The Great Muppet Caper and finally he has the dual roles of Grandfather and Phoenix in The Phoenix and the Carpet.
Peter Ustinov in 1986. Portrait by Allan Warren.
He voiced myriad characters in animated films including that of Grendel in Grendel Grendel Grendel based off John Gardner’s novel Grendel, in Robin Hood, he voiced Prince John King Richard; and in The Mouse and His Child, he was the voice of Manny the Rat.
Now I’m going to admit that my favorite role byPeter Ustinov was playing Poirot which he did in half a dozen films, which he first in Death on the Nile and then in Evil Under the Sun, Thirteen at Dinner, Dead Man’s Folly, Murder in Three Acts and Appointment with Death. He wasn’t my favorite Point as that was David Suchet but it was obvious that he liked performing that role quite a bit.
Los Angeles citizens can rest easy knowing that a criminal theft ring is no longer stalking the city’s retail stores to feed a Lego black market. That’s because the California Highway Patrol (CHP) announced this week that it had arrested four people it accused of swiping what police estimated was “approximately $300,000” worth of Lego sets.
The four had allegedly burgled stores like Target, Home Depot, and Lowe’s of their Lego stock and sold them to black-market dealers who would then vend the stolen bricks at “seemingly legitimate businesses, swap meets, or online.” Police say they were booked on “charges related to Organized Retail Theft, Grand Theft, and Conspiracy to commit a crime.”…
The Princess Bride is a movie that I absolutely love and for some reason never seem to re-watch a lot these days. I’m not sure why that is, but maybe it’s because I overdid it back when it first hit home video. I was surprised to see McFarlane turn up with the license, not only because it was a weird fit among their sea of DC Comics and Warhammer figures, but also because the film has received so little merchandising over the years. Either way, I wasn’t in on these figures when they were first released, but earlier this year they hit the bargain bins and I was able to snap up the regular figures for under ten bucks each and the Mega Figure, Fezzik, for $16. So, let’s just tackle the whole damn thing today! Inconceivable? Nah, we can do this!
…To be fair, Gatwa has a lot to laugh about. After stealing scenes in Sex Education and Barbie, the 31-year-old actor is launching his next act, playing the titular Time Lord in the BBC’s legendary sci-fi series Doctor Who. After popping up in last year’s 60th anniversary special, “The Giggle,” and a solo Christmas episode, he’s now taking full control of the TARDIS, headlining his first full season as the Doctor — making him the first Black and first openly queer man to take on the role. It’s a new era for both Gatwa and the show itself: For the first time ever, the BBC is partnering with Disney+ to launch the show worldwide, and when the new season premieres May 10, it will air simultaneously around the globe….
The US space agency says the current mission design can’t return the samples before 2040 on the existing funds and the more realistic $11bn (£9bn) needed to make it happen is not sustainable.
Nasa is going to canvas for cheaper, faster “out of the box” ideas.
It hopes to have a solution on the drawing board later in the year.
Returning rock samples from Mars is regarded as the single most important priority in planetary exploration, and has been for decades.Just as the Moon rocks brought home by Apollo astronauts revolutionised our understanding of early Solar System history, so materials from the Red Planet are likely to recast our thinking on the possibilities for life beyond Earth….
NASA confirmed Monday that a mystery object that crashed through the roof of a Florida home last month was a chunk of space junk from equipment discarded at the International Space Station.
The cylindrical object that tore through the home in Naples on March 8 was subsequently taken to the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral for analysis.
The space agency said it was a metal support used to mount old batteries on a cargo pallet for disposal. The pallet was jettisoned from the space station in 2021, and the load was expected to eventually fully burn up on entry into Earth’s atmosphere, but one piece survived.
The chunk of metal weighed 1.6 pounds (0.7 kilograms) and was 4 inches (10 centimeters) tall and roughly 1 1/2 inches (4 centimeters) wide.
Homeowner Alejandro Otero told television station WINK at the time that he was on vacation when his son told him what had happened. Otero came home early to check on the house, finding the object had ripped through his ceiling and torn up the flooring….
… The most recent piece of news on this front comes from American space agency NASA, which announced last week that it is getting ready to launch a new kind of solar sail that may revolutionize such technologies.
You see, one of the trickiest parts of making a solar sail is not the sail surface itself but the booms that are used to deploy them. That’s because solar sails are meant to extend after the ship reaches space.
At the moment there are only so many materials booms can be made from, and so many structures that can be used, and that limits the capabilities of a functional sail. NASA says it kind of solved that problem and promises “to change the sailing game for the future.”
The hardware that will do that is officially called Advanced Composite Solar Sail System (ACS3), and it physically comprises twelve NanoAvionics CubeSats linked together. The boom that’s meant to unfurl the sail is made of flexible polymer and carbon fiber materials.
NASA says this way of making the booms ensures they are both stiffer and lighter than what came before, which were either heavy, metallic structures or light but bulky ones that didn’t necessarily fold as they should have.
The new NASA design comes as tubes that can be squashed flat and rolled like a tape measure – up to 23 feet (seven meters) of booms can be rolled into something that fits in a human hand, NASA says. The design also provides less bending and flexing during temperature changes, which is what the spacecraft is expected to experience in space….
(16) SCOOBY SPINOFF CONTINUES.Velma Season 2 premieres April 25 on Max.
More mystery. More murder. And lots, lots more meddling.
[Thanks to SF Concatenation’s Jonathan Cowie, Steven French, Mike Kennedy, Francis Hamit, Kathy Sullivan, Andrew Porter, John King Tarpinian, Chris Barkley, and Cat Eldridge for some of these stories. Title credit belongs to File 770 contributing editor of the day Daniel Dern.]
The Baltimore Science Fiction Society (BSFS) announced today that Splinter in the Sky (Saga Press) by Kemi Ashing-Giwa has won the 2024 Compton Crook Award for best debut SF/Fantasy/horror novel, a prize worth $1,000. Kemi Ashing-Giwa is the 42nd winner of the award.
Since 1983, BSFS has given the Compton Crook Award for best first novel in the science fiction, fantasy, and horror genres. The other finalists were:
Deathwind: War of the Harbingers Book 1 by Brad Pawlowski (Sunquake Books);
How to Be Remembered by Michael Thompson (Sourcebooks Landmark); and
These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs (Orbit)
Judging for the award has two parts. First, members of BSFS picked four finalists by reading and rating debut novels published between November 1, 2022 and October 31, 2023. Then, in the finalist round, club members picked a winner.
The award includes a framed award document and, for the novel’s author, a check for $1,000 and an invitation to be the Compton Crook Guest of Honor at Balticon (the BSFS annual convention) for two years. Balticon will be held this year in Baltimore over Memorial Day weekend, May 24-27.
Kemi Ashing-Giwa studied organismic and evolutionary biology, and astrophysics at Harvard, and is now pursuing a PhD in the Earth & Planetary Sciences department at Stanford. She has a novella, “This World Is Not Yours” scheduled for September 2024 from Tor Nightfire and a novel, The King Must Die scheduled for 2025 from Saga Press.
The Compton Crook Award was named in memory of Towson State College Professor of Natural Sciences Compton Crook, who wrote under the name Stephen Tall and died in 1981. Professor Crook was active for many years in the Baltimore Science Fiction Society and was a staunch champion of new works in the fields eligible for the award. For more details visit award webpage.
Past winners of the award have included Donald Kingsbury, Elizabeth Moon, Michael Flynn, Wen Spencer, Maria Snyder, Naomi Novik, Paolo Bacigalupi, Myke Cole, Charles Gannon, Fran Wilde, Ada Palmer, R.F. Kuang, Arkady Martine, and P. Djèlí Clark. Last year’s winner was Alex Jennings for his novel The Ballad of Perilous Graves.
Reading and rating books for the 2025 award will begin this summer. For more information contact [email protected].
BSFS is a 501(c)(3), non-profit, charitable, literary and educational organization, dedicated to the promotion of, and an appreciation for, science fiction in all of its many forms. The Baltimore Science Fiction Society was launched on January 5, 1963 and has been holding Balticon since 1967.
By Daniel Dern: I’m not immediately moved to order any for myself — I’ve already got enough interesting (non-magical) card decks (robots, 3D dinosaurs, Alice, etc), but surely some Filers will be bemused, perhaps even moved to acquire. These are the ones that seemed most sfnal, but there’s lots more.
BTW, it looks like you can find many of these decks at significantly better prices (e.g. give or take shipping costs) at MJMagic.com. (Note, I have not yet ordered from this store/shop)
Shrinking Violet invites us to apply our X-ray vision:
It’s not visible in the photo, but the bag that Casper is resting on contains a copy of This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone.
Photos of your felines (or whatever you’ve got!) resting on genre works (we’ll take your word for it!) are welcome. Send to mikeglyer (at) cs (dot) com
(1) TODAY’S 40,000. [Item by Anne Marble.] A little Warhammer news… The official Warhammer Official X.com account just posted “In regards to female Custodians, there have always been female Custodians, since the first of the Ten Thousand were created.”
Weirdos trying to "debate me bro" the official warhammer account are so goofy. pic.twitter.com/70yCI3GFUB
(It was in response to (this question in a longer thread.)
It’s fascinating to read the responses to this. Many fans are demanding they show them where this is shown in the lore. They are debating the official account.
Fans like these make me think, “Don’t make me have to feel sympathetic toward Games Workshop!”
From what I understand, this probably is retconning. But Warhammer is no stranger to retconning. They’re famous for retconning.
Angry fans are declaring that Games Workshop is going to kill the existing fanbase over this. They’ve accused them of “gaslighting” the fans. They are crying about “woke.” Some are claiming that they are returning the merchandise they were just about to buy all because of this. (Sure…)
People are predicting this is the “end” of Games Workshop. (They’ve been predicting this ever since 3D printing made it easier for people to make their own models.) Some are even blaming this stance on the fact that Vanguard and Group and BlackRock are now among the investors in Games Workshop.
But these are also the types of fans who do a lot of gatekeeping. If a fan has a different opinion, they call that fan a “tourist.” One dude was calling the people behind official lore “tourists.”
According to an older post by one of their well-known writers (Aaron Dembski-Bowden), this bit of lore was up for discussion years ago. But a “former IP overlord” said the characters couldn’t be women because the minis had already been produced, and they were all male.
The lore does say there are no known women Space Marines — and there are various theories about why. But Space Marines are also so altered that they are very different from what some would consider a stereotypical man. From what I have read, the Space Marines are sterile and asexual and chemically castrated.
The Fandom.com definition of a Warhammer 40k Custodian says Custodians are part of the Adeptus Custodes — the elite altered bodyguards of the Emperor. In comparison, the famous Space Marines the defenders of all humanity. And the Custodians are more powerful than them.
Also, while there is a lot of lore about the Space Marines, there is less lore about the Custodians.
For another perspective, I found some women fans who were upset because they thought it was badly done — and some who believed it was pandering to them. But most of the opposition seems to come from guys who use “woke” a lot. Some want to contact the Warhammer Community Outreach Manager about the change. Does that mean they are asking for the manager?
Disclaimer: I’m not a Warhammer player. However, I’ve been fascinated by the gaming system ever since I ran across a Warhammer Fantasy book called Warhammer City. I found Warhammer 40K even more fascinating because it’s so over-the-top. (It’s supposed to be.) So I ended up buying some of their novels.
(2) DON BLYLY MEDICAL UPDATE. Bookseller Don Blyly’s celebration of Uncle Hugo’s fiftieth anniversary was followed by a trip to the hospital, but he’s back at work already as he explained in his latest How’s Business? newsletter.
The week of the 50th Anniversary Sale was “interesting”. For many years I heard the warnings about chest pains, and for many years I’ve had chest pains, but not quite like the medical advice described them. Often, the pain seemed to be between my ribs, more often on the left side, but I didn’t think the pains were accurately reporting on where the problem was located. And often I would let out a couple of large burps or farts and the chest pains would completely go away, so it seemed like the pains were not related to my heart.
On the Monday after the anniversary I had a different kind of chest pain, a kind of pressure in the center of my chest, and it did not go away (but became somewhat less) after a couple of belches, and I started worrying a bit. But Ecko had a doggie dental appointment Wednesday morning to have a tooth pulled that it had taken a month to set up, so I thought I’d get through that first if my pain didn’t get any worse. My chest pain stayed about the same through Wednesday, and Ecko got through the extraction and was ordered to only have soft food for 2 weeks. Thursday morning my chest pain was worse, so I went over with the staff of the store what to do if I had to go to the emergency room. Just before noon the order of new t-shirts and sweatshirts arrived, a couple of weeks earlier than expected, and I wrote the check to the shirt guy. Before I could start unpacking the 5 large cases of shirts, the pain became so bad that I decided to drive Ecko home, made arrangements for my son to pick her up at home after he got off work, and drove to the Abbott-Northwestern emergency room.
It seems that one of the arteries in my heart was 99% blocked, and they quickly put in a stent. The other arteries were partially blocked, but not enough to justify any more stents. Swallowing a fist full of pills every day for the rest of my life is supposed to clear the other arteries and prevent a repeat of the heart attack. After a couple of days they ran an echo-cardiogram to determine how much my heart had been damaged. The doctor who interpreted the results told me that my heart was functioning at 45-50%. I said that I didn’t feel that bad. She said that nobody’s heart functions at 100% according to the standard used for the test–a perfectly healthy heart functions at 55% on the test, and that I would be back to 55% within a couple of months. So, no permanent damage, but I’m supposed to take it easy for a while.
About 48 hours after the stent was installed I got out of the hospital, and about an hour later got to the store to see how things were going. A LOT of mail orders had come in while I was in the hospital, and Jon had pulled all the books and put them in piles so that I wouldn’t have to run all over the store finding them to process the orders. And a lot of boxes of new books had arrived. It took several days to get through all of that, and even longer to get through all the e-mails that had piled up. But for several days I mostly sat in front of the computer and didn’t even think about going to the basement.
The hospital has been dribbling out the bills to the insurance company, and the insurance company has been letting me know how much I’m responsible for. So far, the hospital has billed over $110,000, and so far I’m only responsible for $200….
(3) TUNES FROM THE TARDIS. [Item by Daniel Dern.] Not surprisingly given (some of) what I watch/listen to on YouTube, the YouTube Music app on my phone (which I’m not sure I’ve previously used, certainly not recently or muchly) burped up this (below) amusing item. I’m not enough of a Whovian to appreciate all the references, but enjoyed it natheless, and no doubt some of you more so. (And it turned out to be part of a playlist, which rabbit hole I timesinkedly explored, and will share my faves here, in days to come.) Doctor Who playlist.
(4) PAYING IT FORWARD. Gabino Iglesias shares some wisdom about anthologies in an X.com thread that starts here. Some excerpts follow:
I made many mistakes when I was starting out, so I like to share the things I’ve learned. If you’re starting out, here are some things to keep in mind about anthologies and editors: (a ????)
2. Anyone who asks you to pay to be in a book is a predatory asshole. Tell those people to go die in a tire fire. You spent time and effort writing, and should be treated like so.
A rare, handwritten manuscript of the Sherlock Holmes novel The Sign of the Four by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is up for sale this June at Sotheby’s, and it’s expected to fetch up to $1.2 million, breaking past sales records of his works. It’s the only handwritten copy of Conan Doyle’s second novel in existence, Smithsonian Magazine reports, and how this particular work was commissioned comes with a fun bit of history. According to CNN, the story begins in 1889 with Conan Doyle having dinner in London with JM Stoddart (an editor of US literary magazine Lippincott’s Monthly) and fellow author Oscar Wilde.
When Stoddart asked what the writers were working on, Conan Doyle committed to publishing a second Sherlock Holmes novel for the magazine, while Wilde said he’d submit his work in progress, The Picture of Dorian Gray. “It’s hard to think of two contemporary authors who might be less similar than Conan Doyle and Oscar Wilde,” Sotheby’s book specialist Selby Kiffer tells CNN. “And yet there they are at a dinner table together and talking about what they’re currently working on.”…
Wild Things Are Happening is comprised of more than 150 sketches, storyboards, and paintings by Sendak drawn from the collection of The Maurice Sendak Foundation. Presented alongside landmark pictures for Sendak’s own books will be examples of artwork he created for such celebrated publications as The Bat-Poet by Randall Jarrell, A Hole is to Dig by Ruth Krauss, the Little Bear series by Else Holmelund Minarik, and Zlateh the Goat by Isaac Bashevis Singer.
Designs for many of Sendak’s opera, theater, film, and television productions are also featured. His impact on the broader world of the performing arts is illuminated through his collaboration and friendship with directors, composers, playwrights, and visual artists, such as Carroll Ballard, Frank Corsaro, Spike Jonze, Tony Kushner, and Twyla Tharp. The exhibition will also highlight Sendak’s love of Mozart and the way the composer’s life and work influenced not only Sendak’s designs for Mozart’s operas, such as The Magic Flute, but also key books including Outside Over There and Dear Mili. As Sendak stated, “I love opera beyond anything, and Mozart beyond anything.”
This groundbreaking exhibition also adds new depth to audiences’ understanding of Sendak’s life—as a child of Jewish immigrants, a lover of music, someone with close personal relationships—and how it dovetailed with his creative work, which drew inspiration from writers ranging from William Shakespeare to Herman Melville. From portraits that he made of loved ones to archival photographs of family members to toys he designed as a young adult, the exhibition brings Sendak and his work to life in three dimensions….
Interior art for Higglety Pigglety Pop! Or, There Must Be More to Life. Originally published in 1967.
(7) TODAY’S BIRTHDAY.
[Written by Cat Eldridge.]
Born April 15, 1933 — Elizabeth Montgomery. (Died 1995.) The beauty of these Birthdays is that I can decide that one series that a performer did is enough to be worthy of a write-up. So it is with Elizabeth Montgomery and her ever-so-twinkly role as the good witch Samantha Stephens on the Bewitched series.
I loved that series and still do. Bewitched is one of those series that the Suck Fairy keeps smiling every time she comes near it. Obviously she too has very fond memories of it.
Sol Saks in interviews said that the Forties film I Married a Witch based on Thorne Smith’s partially-written novel The Passionate Witch, and John Van Druten’s Broadway play Bell, Book and Candle, adapted into a 1958 film of the same name, were his inspirations for the pilot episode. These films were properties of Columbia Pictures, which also owned Screen Gems, the company that would produce Bewitched.
Bell, Book and Candle is the prime story source as that has the good witch Gillian Holroyd, played by Kim Novak, casting a love spell on Shep Henderson as played James Stewart to have a fling with him but she genuinely falls for him.
Bewitched debuted sixty years ago this Autumn. It would run on ABC eight seasons, for two hundred and fifty episodes.
Let’s discuss the other cast of Bewitched. Dick York was Darrin Stephens, her husband and I thought that he was a perfect comic foil for her. Dick Sargent would replace the ailing York for the final three seasons. It’s been too long since I’ve seen the series but I think I remember his chemistry with her being a little less smooth.
So the next major cast member was Agnes Moorehead as Endora, Samantha’s mother. She worked fine in her role which was that she disapproved of her daughter’s decision to marry a mortal. She often times casts spells on Darrin for her own amusement, but mostly to try to drive Darrin away from Samantha. (It didn’t work. At all.) Despite that, she is the most frequent houseguest and one of the most loyal members of Samantha’s family who dotes on her grandchildren, Tabitha and Adam.
Then there’s his boss, Larry White, who was played by David Tate, and he was well cast in that role, and many crucial scenes took place at the Madison Avenue advertising agency McMann and Tate where Darrin worked.
So that brings us to Elizabeth Montgomery. She began her performing career in the the Fifties with a role on her father’s Robert Montgomery Presents television series. She’d also be a member of his summer theater company.
She turned out to be very popular and was kept busy performing consistently from there on. She’d have two genre roles prior to Bewitched, the first being as Lillie Clarke on One Step Beyond in “The Death Waltz” and, because everyone seemingly has to be in at least an episode of it, on The Twilight Zone as Woman in “Two”. The only other actor here is Charles Bronson as, oh guess, Man. It’s a piece of pure SF by Montgomery Pittman who also wrote the scripts for “The Grave” and “The Last Rites of Jeff Myrtlebank”.
So now we come to her in Bewitched, and the role that she was perfect for. It’s hard to write her up here without noting sexism of the time as her beauty was definitely the attraction for many of the viewers as opposed to her talent according to some of the news articles at the time. Or so said the critics.
But talented she was, displaying a deft comedic touch that I’ve seen in few female performers since her as she never overplayed her role, something that would’ve been oh so easy to do. She was Samantha Stephens, the very long-lived witch who defied witchery tradition and married a mortal.
Do note that it openly depicted them sleeping together and sexually attracted to each other. No separate beds here.
The first episode, “I Darrin, Take This Witch, Samantha” was filmed a short while after she gave birth to her first child.
She was intelligent, not reserved and depicted as more than a match for anyone who might get in her way. Unusual for a female character of that time.
I have over the years rewatched many of the episodes, and they do hold up rather well provided you like Sixties comedy. I think this along with such shows as My Favorite Martian and The Munsters are some of the finest comic genre work done.
Peanuts – a 1956 reprint – has a low-tech way to send a message to the future.
(9) JEOPARDY! [Item by David Goldfarb.] This is a little belated, but I thought you might like to hear about SFF or genre-adjacent clues on last Thursday’s Jeopardy! episode.
In the first round:
Unreal Estate, $800:
The English village of Puddleby-on-the-Marsh is where this animal lover has his medical practice
Alison Betts tried “What is James Herriot?” but it was Brian Hardzinski who had the correct response, “Who is Doctor Dolittle?”
Abbreviated Television, $400:
In the ‘90s we had “ST: DS9”
Brian: “What is Star Trek: Deep Space 9?”
$800:
Don’t space out (or do) with “FAM”
Triple stumper, nobody made the attempt. This was Apple TV+’s alternate history space show, “For All Mankind”.
“T.P.”, $400:
Kyle MacLachlan was the clean-cut FBI agent investigating a murder in the very strange title town of this series
Returning champion Lee Wilkins gave us, “What is Twin Peaks?”
Unreal Estate, $400:
On his third voyage, this man travels to the flying island of Laputa, where the people are so lost in thought they notice little else
Alison: “Who is Gulliver?”
Double Jeopardy round:
Some Timely Words, $1200:
This 6-letter word means to go back in fictional time & rewrite the past of a character or narrative for a new work
Brian: “What is retcon?”
Final Jeopardy: Space Shuttles
2 space shuttles were named for craft commanded by this man, who died far from home in 1779
Lee: “Who is ?” — no answer.
Brian: “Who is Cook?” Correct. The vessels: Discovery and Endeavour.
What if your country suddenly had three major solar eclipses in three years? As the world’s attention fades from Monday’s “Great American Eclipse,” there’s a realization that there’s not another one in the U.S. until 2033. So where is the next eclipse?
A few years ago, Argentina and Chile staged two total solar eclipses—one a glorious sight and another a rain-affected, COVID-affected event—but it’s another Spanish-speaking country that is about to take the eclipse baton….
… There are four forces that we already know about. Gravity governs the grandest scales, marshalling the planets in their orbits and shaping the evolution of the universe as a whole. Electromagnetic force gives rise to a vast range of phenomena, from the magnetic field of the Earth to radio waves, visible light and X-rays, while also holding atoms, molecules and, by extension, the physical world together. Deep within the atomic nucleus, two further forces emerge: the vice-like “strong force”, which binds atomic nuclei, and the “weak force”, which among other things causes radioactive decay and enables the nuclear reactions that power the sun and the stars.
Studying these forces has transformed our understanding of nature and generated revolutionary new technologies. Work on electromagnetism in the 19th century gave us the electric dynamo and radio broadcasts, the discovery of the strong and weak forces in the 1930s led to nuclear energy and atomic bombs, while understanding gravity has made it possible to put astronauts on the moon and to develop GPS satellites that can tell us our location anywhere on Earth to within a few metres. Uncovering a fifth force would be one hell of a prize.
Hints that physicists may be on the brink of making such a breakthrough have been accumulating over the past decade. The first tranche of evidence comes from particle physics experiments here on Earth, the results of which appear to conflict with our current best theory of fundamental particles, the standard model.
Notwithstanding its rather uninspiring name, the standard model is one of humankind’s greatest intellectual achievements, the closest we have come to a theory of everything, and has passed almost every experimental test thrown at it with flying colours. So far at least.
However, the BaBar experiment in California, the Belle experiment in Japan and the LHCb experiment at Cern have all spied exotic fundamental particles known as “beauty quarks” behaving in ways that go against the predictions of the standard model. Meanwhile, just outside Chicago, Fermilab’s Muon g–2 experiment has been busily studying another type of fundamental particle called a muon, finding that it emits a slightly stronger magnetic field than expected.
The most exciting explanations for these anomalies involve hitherto unknown forces of nature that subtly alter the way beauty quarks transform into other particles or mess with the muon’s magnetism. …
(12) SF2 CONCATENATION SUMMER SEASON EDITION.[Item by Jonathan Cowie.] SF² Concatenation has just posted its seasonal edition of news, articles and reviews. A couple of the articles may be of interest to those attending the Glasgow Worldcon later this summer….
v34(3) 2024.4.15 — New Columns & Articles for the Summer 2024
(13) VIDEO OF THE DAY. [Item by SF Concatenation’s Jonathan Cowie.] I have a feeling in my water (never a good sign) that this might be based on a Blake Crouch novel…? I have to confess I have a shameful weakness for Blake Crouch and have read four or five of his novels. They are light reads, more thrillery, but most have a decided SF riff which are great fun (if careful not to look at plot too closely). Anyway, see what you think…
A man is abducted into an alternate version of his life. Amid the mind-bending landscape of lives he could’ve lived, he embarks on a harrowing journey to get back to his true family and save them from a most terrifying foe: himself.
[Thanks to Cat Eldridge, SF Concatenation’s Jonathan Cowie, Steven French, Anne Marble, Kathy Sullivan, Mark Roth-Whitworth, Daniel Dern, David Goldfarb, Lise Andreasen, Mike Kennedy, Andrew Porter, John King Tarpinian, and Chris Barkley for some of these stories. Title credit belongs to File 770 contributing editor of the day Cat Eldridge.]
[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]
THE BOXING GLOVES MYSTERY
Hello, All! Melanie here.
When we last left our heroes, Tryxy the demon and his bandmate #bestkitten were booked to play a show at Paul Revere Preschool & Craft Brewery in Boston. There were threats of Cthulhu cultists, talent abductions, misguided GPS directions, and even a ghoul attack, but DemonKitty put on a great show regardless! The band is starting to go places, which Tryxy’s always wished for.
This gig was made possible by Arnold Rolfson, an A&R rep whose selfishness makes Writer X want to protect her BFF Tryxy’s feelings with violence.
But here’s the twist, last week Tod Boadkins, Writer X’s boyfriend, promised her a “special romantic present” if she could refrain from violence for a whole week. And guess what? She did it! A surprising success, indeed.
I didn’t think she’d make it. Since she’s been working hard to lose weight, X has been punchier than usual. I don’t blame her. Nothing fuels the temper like eating fewer carbs.
Without further ado…
Subject: TOURIST SEASON!!!!!!
Dear Gladys,
I don’t know how I’m supposed to focus on being the next big epic fantasy writer of all time when spring tourist season is already upon us!!!!
Sure, New Hampshire is a rugged and beautiful land of pristine lakes, angry sasquatches, vengeful ski slopes, and haunted antiques, but why do people from the state-south-of-us-that-shall-not-be-named insist on coming up here and MASS-ing everything up????
It all started when we got back from Boston last week. I needed to focus on next moves for getting DemonKitty out to the world. I also discovered I gained three pounds from when I accidentally drank a guzzler mug full of movie theater butter.
Nothing makes me focus like a good power walk in a new location so I started going down to Tatoskok lake to walk the new paved path on the shore line.
I was getting on some speed when I passed the cabins and that’s when I met that gosh darn kangaroo!!!!!! Don’t you hate it when Franklin Park Zoo lets its animals out on vacation???? Some of those animals are used to being in the spotlight and they have no idea how to interface with the rest of us mere mortals!!!!
Anyhoo, this kangaroo hops out of the larger cabin with a margarita in his paw and starts sucking it through a straw and watching me as I went by with a bored, amused expression on his face.
I was just a couple feet away when he says, “That’s a lot of pink for someone no one wants to look at. Spandex isn’t everyone’s friend.”
It took a second for me to understand him because of his accent and then another whole second for me to realize HE WAQS TALKING TO ME!!!!!
Now Gladys, I bet you probably think that all kangaroos have Australian accents but that’s just an example of stereotyping a species. This kangaroo definitely sounded like he was from the bronx.
I was so upset, I couldn’t concentrate, but I also couldn’t clobber him because I promised my boyfrriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, that I wouldn’t get violent for a whole week and I still had two days to go thanks to a minor setback with a loud cellphone talker in the library.
But I went the next morning hoping for some peace and quiet so that I could create a masterplan for DemonKitty and it was like that kangaroo was waiting at the door watching for me to come!!!!!
“Nice hair curlers. Goes with your huffy puffy look. In fact, that’s what I’ll call ya. Liddle miss Huffy Puffy. How ya doin Miss Huffy Puffy?”
I stopped and shook my fist at him but without the ability to follow it up, it only made him double over laughing at me. You should never get into a bare knuckle fist fight with a kangaroo for obvious reasons, everyone knows that.
Fortunately for me, my week is up!!!! And I woke up to this text message from my boyfriend.
As soon as I figure out how to get my foot out of this tub of diaper wipes, I’m going to run downstairs and open it!!!!!! Everyone knows you shouldn’t attempt going down a set of stairs with a tub of diaper wipes on your foot.
Safety first, Galdsy!!!!!!!!
xox,
X
Subject: SWEET REVENGE!!!!!!!
Dear Gladys,
Well, I know my boyfriend loves me!!!! Because when I finally got my foot free of those diaper wipes I opened up my special present and found these beauties waiting for me!!!!
How did he know I needed a pair of hot pink boxing gloves?????? It’s like he’s psychic or something, but I know he isn’t because he doesn’t have a certificate like I do.
I instantly texted him and let him know I got his gift and that I was going to put them to immediate use!!!!!
As soon as I finish lacing these up, I’m off to Tatoskok Lake. Let’s see if that bully kangaroo can back up his mouth!!!!!!
This will get me all fired up for our DemonKitty band meeting this evening!!!
xox,
X
Subject: THaT sliPpPEry KAGNAROO!!!!!
Dear Gladys,
it’s been several days since I’ve got my brand new boxing gloves and I haven’t even been able to use them!!!!
Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. I’ll have you know I’ve been writing haiku. I’m a well rounded writer. Not everyone can write haiku, you need five syllables, then seven syllables, then five syllables. Even I came to the art accidentally. My first one I wrote this morning when I discovered a haiku hidden in my shopping list. Most of my haiku are “found poetry.” Here’s the one I wrote this morning.
Fat Free Half And Half Low Calorie Rice Cakes Vat of Rocky Road
We have had a few productive meetings about DemonKitty’s future. They’ve been booked for a music festival, but what Tryxy and #bestkitten want to do is figure out how we can get more gigs both in and out of New Hampshire using the music festival booking as a way of proving they’re an in-demand band.
First, we decided we needed a way of letting people know that they’re even playing the music festival. Or any show at all. Other than flyers.
Then, we realized that probably we should focus on making people know that the band exists. We came to the conclusion that we need an OFFICIAL DEMONKITTY WEBSITE. After all, this isn’t just a hobby anymore. DemonKitty are professionals!!!!!!!
The only problem is the webdesigner costs real money and so far DemonKitty has only been paid in t-shirts and soggy, unseasoned curly fries so we’re working with a very low budget.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS STUPID KANGAROO!!!!!
Whenever I have my boxing gloves on, I can’t find him!!!!! The first time I went with my gloves, he came out, sucked on his margarita and watched me coming toward him.
“Would you look who’s here? It’s liddle miss huffy puffy. How you doing liddle miss huffy puffy?” And then I got close enough and he saw I was laced and ready to go with a boxing glove on each fist!!!!
“Ah shit,” he said. And then he hopped into his cabin and locked the door!!!!!
No matter what I do, if I don’t have my boxing gloves on, he’s picks on me. If I do have my boxing gloves on, he runs into his house!!!!!
I’ve taken to stashing the gloves in a few different locations so that I can whip them out real fast and lay some hurtin’ on that kanga!!!!!!
In the meanwhile, my boyfriend has been acting very strange since I opened my present. He keeps asking me what my answer is and if the present he gave me gives me any thoughts about us. ???? I keep telling him that I’m very thankful for the present but I am completely focused on the kangaroo right now!!!!!!
I don’t know why he’s upset, I use them every day!!!!!!
xox,
X
Subject: WEBSITE DESIGN!!!!!!
Dear Gladys,
We figured out what to do about the website budget!!!!! I found a free webbuilder service called crappy.web!!!!! At crappy.web, you can design your own professional looking website without having to pay someone who actually knows what they’re doing!!!!!!! I’m going to build demonkitty’s website!!!!!!
Also: i snuck out to the lake last night and while that evil kangaroo was busy partying on his back deck with a couple of sloths and an extremely loud life coach, I slid my boxing gloves into his bushes!!!!!
Just wait til morning!!!!!!
xox,
X
Subject: WHY IS MY BOYFRIEND SO MAD?????
Dear Gladys,
I can’t believe I’m writing you this email from Lake Tatoskok in the middle of the night. My boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, got SUPER upset tonight when I came home without my boxing gloves.
At first I thought he was angry that I’m planning to fight that kangaroo, but when he found out the kangaroo calls me Liddle Miss Huffy Puffy, he completely agreed that that kangaroo needs to get clocked!!!!
But he was angry that I left them in the bushes especially since the boxing gloves were “so expensive.” I told him that I would replace the boxing gloves if they went missing and that didn’t console him AT ALL.
So now I’m out here at the lake and the lake monster is making super loud growly noises that keeps creeping me out and I’m digging around in the bushes looking for my gloves because my boyfriend said, “It’s not the gloves, it’s what’s inside the gloves!”
I’m pretty sure I just stepped in wet poison ivy.
Okay I’ve got ‘em!!!! I’m just going to dig one hand around inside and…
oh, there’s something in there.
it’s kinda small and hard.
and cirvular.
It’s a ring. With a white metal band and a pink stone.
Gladys, why would there be a ring with a pink stone in my boxing gloves. Why would my boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, give me a ring???
