By Ingvar:
Trigger
walked down the street, looking forward to a quiet morning of a grilled
synthecheese and a cup of the new special down at the Coffee Emporium. Hoping
nothing untoward would happen, he stepped through the doorway and walked
towards his normal table.
“Sheriff
Snowflake, welcome. The usual?”
“Thank
you. Everything all well with you, Miss Dimatis?”
“As
well as can be expected. But I am a little bit worried, it seems as if there’s
something odd happening with the Ballad Composers of the System organization.
Apparently, they’ve just recently punished Venice Aresian for speaking out
against planets behaviors, and stripped her of her membership.”
“Is
this something that concerns the law?”
“Not
as such. Or, at least not yet. But it will have repercussions for SysLiCon, so
I thought I would brief you, in case Coraline takes it up.”
“Forewarned
is forearmed. Tell me as I devour your delicious grilled synthecheese.”
Not long
after, breakfast was served and Barbara Dimatis sat down across the table from
Trigger.
“Now,
something with the Ballad Singers?”
“Ballad
Composers of the System, BCS for short. This is what we know, at the moment.
Seven months ago, Ms Aresian wrote an LoC, calling out Suzette Hitchtale for
having badly written a Martian character in a recent ballad of Hitchtale’s.
This apparently ended up in a disciplinary complaint to the BCS’s ethics committee.”
“Well,
at least they have processes and procedures for this, it seems.”
“This
is where it starts taking a turn for the weird. The chair of the ethics
committee was Ms Aresian. So the BCS board formed a shadow ethics committee,
entry pulled from new members.”
“To
avoid bias, I guess?”
“Well,
apparently in the past, the ethics committee members have been pretty good at
stepping out when bias could have been an issue, so it’s a little bit
weird.”
“Fair
enough. What else?”
“So,
three days ago, the board published a statement, saying that Ms Aresian had
been forced out of her position as head of the ethics committee, and from that
point was barred from any position of trust in BCS.”
“That
seems a bit harsh?”
“Maybe.
I haven’t read the full text of the LoC that spurred the whole thing. Maybe it
is warranted. Now, worse, it turns out that letters of comment are actually
explicitly excluded from the BCS code of conduct. And since she was punished
based on a breach of code of conduct, this all seems a bit odd. And, since
then, multiple LoCs weighing in on one side or another have been written and
published, in a variety of venues.”
“If
that’s all, I shall thank you for an excellent grilled synthecheese and the
information. I shall see you tomorrow, at the same time.”
After a
full day of putting in a presence and patrolling Fort Corallium, Trigger
eventually returned home to the Sheriff’s office.
“Beloved
Coraline, I am home!”
“Trigger,
darling! Have you heard?”
“The
BCS thing? Yes, Ms Dimatis saw fit to brief me over morning coffee.”
“There
have been developments! Seems as if the decision and support material that the
ethics committee based their recommendation to the board on have been expunged!
And the liaison between the new ethics committee and the Board is the
Chair-Elect of BCS! And the previous Chair just stepped down! And the
Chair-Elect is the new Chair!”
“Ooof,
that sounds messy. Well, I guess we’ll see what happens.”
#
The next
morning, Trigger was about half done with his grilled synthecheese when Barbara
walked up to the table.
“New
developments! Suzette Hitchtale, as it turns out, was not in a position to file
the complaint in the first place. She’s not only a ballad composer, but also
runs a company printing note sheets. As such, she’s not allowed, under the BCS
rules, to file complaints against composers, but only against other sheet-music
publishers.”
“More
BCS? What is this, a detergent musical?”
“It
certainly seems like it. Have Coraline said anything?”
“I
got the same brief, in full, when I got home. With the new developments on the
Chair. I think she would be delighted if you give her a call to come down and
discuss the BCS Affair with you, here at the Emporium.”
“That
sounds like a good idea. Coraline is so lucky to have such a considerate
husband. I hope today’s patrolling stays quiet.”
“Now
you’ve doomed it, Ms Dimatis.”
“Sorry,
Sheriff Snowflake.”
#
Let us
delight in our omniscient perspective and zoom not only out, but into the past.
We find ourselves in a plush office, on Earth.
“Ms
Hitchtale, I suspect you wonder why I invited you here?”
“Yes,
Mr Nappa, I do.”
“We
have an interest in common. As you are well aware, filthy no-Earthers have
inveigled themselves into the very core of the Ballad Composers. Ballads are,
as you know, a pure Earth form of poetry, and as such, Martians, Venusians, and
other non-pure-Earth stock have no place in our hallowed halls.”
“I am
not quite sure I follow, Mr Nappa?”
“Oh,
call me Immanuel. I saw that nasty LoC that Aresian wrote last week. And I
think this is our opening.”
“I am
still not sure I follow, Immanuel? I do agree that what the Martian wrote was
totally uncalled-for, and hurtful to boot. But, what does that have to do with
you?”
“Ah,
I have a master plan. Let me detail it for you. It is very clever and not
capable of failing. You see, Aresian is the head of the BCS ethics
committee…”
“I am
well aware.”
“And,
as such, were there to be a complaint filed against her, the existing ethics
committee would all be biased.”
“Ah,
so we could get a fresh ethics committee under our control in place?”
“Just
so. I am also campaigning for the position as Chair-Elect, and as I am running
unopposed, I am virtually guaranteed to get it. And I have some contacts in the
BCS office, so we can hold up the processing of the complaint until my
Chair-Elect position is confirmed.”
“How
does this help us?”
“We
ensure we get a new emergency ethics committee that’s under our full control.
We then make a recommendation to sever Aresian from BCS, rescind her membership
and throw her out. This will cause our bleeding-heart Chair to step down,
rocketing me into the Chair six months ahead of schedule. We can then drop the
horrendous code of conduct and emplace one that forbids speaking out against
Earthians, and does not punish talking about off-planetarians.”
“I am
starting to see the appeal in this line of thought. And this is a clever scheme
indeed.”
“It
is very clever, and I have ensured there’s no possible way this could ever come
back to us. I will send you my written analysis of the plan, so you can study
it at leisure. I think two-three days should be enough? I will know that you
have agreed that the plan is infallible by your filing of a complaint.”
“Mr
Nappa, it’s been a delight to talk to you. I look forward to a long and
fruitful association.”
#
Trigger
was slowly sipping his occasional evening tipple of Victory Wishkey, when his
slow contemplation of things of legal significance was interrupted.
“Trigger,
darling! Have you heard the latest?”
“No,
beloved Coraline. What news?”
“It
turns out the Chair, Immanuel Nappa is not actually qualified for either the
Chair-Elect position, or the Chair. It seems that the Chair and Chair-Elect
must have had a ballad printed in the two years preceding their taking office
as Chair-Elect, or have a ballad currently under contract with a printer. And
it seems that Nappa’s last ballad was printed four years ago, well outside the
time limit. Apparently, he had a sworn affidavit from HitchTale’s company that
he had a ballad under contract, but his husband swears blind that it is not the
case.”
“Curiouser
and curiouser. I am actually starting to wonder if this is not starting to
encroach on my professional interests.”
“It
is quite strange, isn’t it? I am sorry to have disturbed your weekly
contemplation. Should I bring the Wishkey bottle, for a quick top-up?”
“No,
this is, I think, more a Djinn moment. Maybe even going as far as a Djinn and
Bitter Orange. Yes, Djinn and Bitter Orange, dearest.”
“Coming
up, darling Small glass or large?”
#
The
following morning, as Trigger was making his way to the Coffee Emporium, he was
met by an out-of-breath Barbara, running from the Emporium to meet him.
“Trigger!
Sorry, I mean Sheriff Snowflake! Have you heard the latest?”
“Now,
now, Ms Dimatis. Let us not make a scene in the street. Instead, follow me to
the Emporium, where we can discuss this over a cup of your most excellent
Purple Granite and a grilled synthecheese. Or, if it is large news, maybe even
two?”
“Right
as always, Sheriff Snowflake.”
A cup of
the latest beans, and a plate with two grilled synthecheese and a side of fresh
chives (grown in the small hydroponic plot behind the Emporium, freshly
harvested that very morning), Trigger and Barbara were sitting at a table.
“Well,
Sheriff Snowflake. You will NOT believe the latest development in the whole BCS
thing. It now turns out that most of the board have resigned in protest. And
the expunging of the ethics committee report? It’s against process, procedure
and policy! Not only that, many planetary chapters of the BCS have filed
official requests to have the board forcibly stood down, an emergency election,
and for the whole thing to be investigated by the Lunar Tax Office attack
auditor squad!”
“Weighty
news indeed.”
“The
general feeling seems to be that this has all been carefully orchestrated in a
vain hope that it would just slide past. I do not understand how they could not
have foreseen this result?”
“Now,
now, Miss Dimatis. I know that I am more familiar with the minds of
ne’er-do-wells, and I hope you never gain that hard-won experience, but this
does not actually surprise me at all. They probably simply thought that the
bulk of the BCS membership shared their beliefs and thus could not foresee how
a more enlightened population would rise up against their bad-will.”
“You
are right as always, Sheriff Snowflake.”
#
“Hm”,
said Immanuel Nappa to himself. “I should soon be able to cement my
absolute power of the Ballad Composers of the System.” He walked slowly
from his office door to his desk, gesturing dramatically with his right hand in
the air.
“Once
my absolute power is in place, I shall look into expanding my domain. I have my
eyes set on the Madrigal Writers of All Planets. I feel that ballads and
madrigals go together like sunshine and surf. Yes, most probably the Madrigal
Writers. And the current campaign against Aresian is progressing well.”
On his
desk, his phone started ringing. He lifted the bakelite handset from its
resting position.
“The
office of Chair Nappa, Nappa
speaking.”
“Immanuel,
it’s Suzette. Have you seen the latest?”
“I do
not have to consider small trivial things like that, my schemes are progressing
apace and according to plan.”
“No,
Immanuel, they are not. It seems you have been a bit liberal in interpreting
the requirements for your position, and that is now coming home to roost. You
need to do something, quick.”
“What
do you mean?”
“Did
you read the requirements for being Chair? You are at least two ballads short
of the composing and publishing requirements.”
“Ah
not to worry, I have a tame printer of sheet music at hand, I will simply have
them re-print a few of my old ballads with verses jumbled up and a new
interesting title.”
“Oh,
that’s clever. It might just work.”
“It
is my plan, it is obviously flawless. Was there anything else?”
#
After yet
another long day of patrolling Fort Corallium, Trigger returned home to the office.
Wearily, he stepped through the front door and walked to his desk. He
unstrapped his laser revolver belt, hung it from the hook under the desk and
sat down for a few moments of blessed rest.
“Trigger,
darling?”
“What,
beloved Coraline?”
“It
seems that Nappa has stepped down as Chair for the Ballad composers.”
“He’s
the one who might not have been qualified?”
“Yes,
the very one.”
“Well,
I guess he finally saw the writing on the wall.”
“I
think the fact that someone started looking into his ballad composing in depth
is what did it. Looks like he really didn’t have the proper prerequisites, and
for at least one of the things that was listed on his life curriculum actually
seems to have been faked by one of his sheet music printers.”
“I
guess it is true, what they say. Love songs conquer all!”
