Upending the Hugos:  New Awards Categories That Should Have Been Added A Long Time Ago

Sub Title:  Not all of these are meant to be entirely humorous

Sub-Sub Title:  Read the Sub Title any way you want

By Steve Davidson: A recent proposal to amend some of the Hugo Award categories got me thinking.  If we’re going to amend the categories to really reflect the way things are, should we not also use the opportunity to include categories that should have been among the awards but never have been?

I think so.  I think it’s high time that we use the awards to represent everything in the field, not just the narrow band of categories we’ve been living with since the 80s.  Therefore, some proposals:

New Fan Awards

Best Off-the-Rails Panel

Best Inappropriate Convention-Based Political Protest

Best Munchies at a Con Suite (Note:  It would probably be best to split this into two categories, one for NA-based cons and one for non-NA-based cons)

Most Humorous Comment at WSFS Business Meeting

Best Anonymous User Name (Note:  Legal name must be provided to collect the award)

Best Fan-Based Facebook Group (Note: Groups created for the sole purpose of being nominated for this category shall be ineligible)

Other Categories

Best Book Delivery Service:  Books don’t get to the bookstore by themselves, they have lots of help along the way.  Perhaps THE most unsung portion of that chain is the truck driver who manhandles those cartons onto a dolly, down the ramp and drops them off in the bowels of the store.  Without “Jerry” or “Hanna” or “Manuel”, you’d have nothing to peruse.  Note:  Nominations for this category may not be generic – UPS, FEDEX & USPS will be ignored.

Best Blurb – Science Fiction/Best Blurb – Fantasy.  What makes you crack that cover?  Why it’s the blurbs, of course.  This category seeks to identify the single best book come-on in each of two categories.  This is the only Hugo writing category for which the author’s name is completely unnecessary, which should make nominations a breeze.

Best Autographer: Use this category to get even over all of those long lines and bathroom denials.

Best Related Hugo Awards Political Screed:  We can expect the puppies to dominate this category – legitimately – for quite some time.

Best Genre Meme/Best Genre Emoji/Best Genre Tweet:  A mess of internet era categories that will no doubt become separate over time.  We recommend allowing up to 100 Finalists – they’ll still be easy to get through.

Best Negative Review by Someone Who Has Obviously Not Read the Work:  (Notes:  voting on this award should be administrated so that the Finalist receiving the least number of votes wins.)

Best Recycled Cover Art and/or Most Egregious White Washed Cover. (Note: In the former category, a work qualifies if no less than 50.0001% of a cover has been re-used at least twice.  In the latter, blue, green, purple and orange are also considered to be “white”.)

Best Statistical Analysis of a Problem Facing Genre (Note:  Numbers need not be accurate for the entry to be eligible.)

Best Problem Facing Genre: (Note:  Arguing over arguing is not an acceptable nominee.)

Best Name for Science Fiction.  Note, this category shall always have the same Finalists listed – Science Fiction, Sci Fi, SF, Skiffy, Scientifiction, StF, Speculative Fiction; Following the final vote, all WSFS publications shall make amendments as appropriate (up to and including changing the name of the organization, that shall go into effect for the following year.)

Best Definition for Science Fiction. Note: The winning definition will be utilized the following year for placement of works in the various fiction categories.

Please feel free to add your own, because our final recommendation is:

Best Ridiculous Amendment to the Hugo Awards Categories.  Note:  I’m hoping to be nominated for this one.

35 thoughts on “Upending the Hugos:  New Awards Categories That Should Have Been Added A Long Time Ago

  1. @ Best Book Delivery Service
    Hugo Award:

    2018 Amazon Drone Delivery
    2019 Amazon Drone Delivery
    2020 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2021 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2022 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2023 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2024 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2025 Amazon Drone Delivery*

    *Jerry, Hanna, & Manuel are all now working at Amazon as drones.

  2. I really, really loved this one, mostly because of the bit I emphasized with bold:

    Best Statistical Analysis of a Problem Facing Genre (Note: Numbers need not be accurate for the entry to be eligible.)

  3. Best Problem Facing Genre: (Note: Arguing over arguing is not an acceptable nominee.)

    I disagree!

  4. @ Steve Davidson

    @Sean Kirk: I expect this is more likely:

    2023 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2024 Amazon Drone Delivery*
    2025 Amazon Direct Cerebral Implant

    I am not so sure about 2025. The Amazon At Home Replicator “Raplexa” could give the Direct Cerebral Implant “DiCalexa” a real run for its money.

  5. @Best Anonymous User Name Hugo Award

    My top 2018 Nominee
    CheetoVonTweeto – Donald J. Trump

  6. I would like to see “Best Deliberate Misrepresentation of What Being “Nominated” for a Hugo Actually Means”.

  7. My nominee for best autographer would, of course, be George R. R. Martin. He had the long line queue up and his assistant stood by his side, handing him the next item as soon as the first was finished. Two other assistants moved up and down the line, making sure to keep the line running. George announced the rules: only one item could be signed (although he said he would sign anything–shoes, whatever) and the item had to be open/available and the place to sign had to be immediately accessible. His assistants made sure the rules were followed strictly, and the line went very fast. George did this twice per day with a carefully abbreviated signature that was readable but fast to produce. I was duly impressed.

  8. @Lynda Manning-Schwartz: The classiest autograph act I heard of was one Ray Bradbury did. He was signing at a West Coast con, and someone came up to him with a copy of everything Ray had ever written in paperback. Undaunted, Ray arranged the books standing up in a row, whipped out a magic marker, and wrote is name in flowing script across the top of the line. 🙂

    >Dennis

  9. Since the award is named after Hugo Gernsbach, I’d add one for Best Sleazy Publisher. Given Hugo’s business practices, it would be fitting.

    For the others:
    Best Book Delivery Service:
    We already have a hands down winner: Amazon eBook delivery to Kindles and other devices running the Kindle app. No warehousing, no physical delivery, and instant gratification.

    Best Definition for Science Fiction.
    The only possible winner is the late Damon Knight’s comment: “SF is what I’m pointing at when I say the words.”

    Best Statistical Analysis of a Problem Facing Genre
    Given the effort that likely prompted this, I’d settle for “Adequate analysis by someone who actually understood statistics.” The old saw “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics” is apposite, especially when those posting the stats are trying to push an agenda the actual numbers don’t support.

    >Dennis

  10. Best alternate name for a group of people waging guerrilla warfare against the Hugos. I nominate Poopy Puppies.

  11. I’m surprised Mike Glyer would let so many typos of the word “Hogu” get through in an article, as these are all clearly Hogu Award categories.

  12. Best name for a group of editors committed to shutting down guerrilla warfare against the Hugos. Can’t think of one, but I’m sure there’s a good one.

  13. Best Kerfuffle. Endless scope for definitional arguments (what’s the difference between a kerfuffle and a brouhaha / ructions / foofaraw etc)

    Not-a-Hugo for the Most Egregious Act of Self-Promotion. To be renamed annually in honour of the previous year’s winner.

  14. Best Convention Trainwreck seems like it would have a decent candidate pool 🙂

  15. @Steve Davidson: …at least some of that reputation is inflated sleaze

    If you’re referring to Gernsbach’s reputation, not very inflated. His efforts to keep Experimenter Publishing afloat are amusing if you like financial skullduggery.

    Of course, Hugo wasn’t the only or the worst example when he was active, and for authors, payment tended to be on threat of lawsuit. Things have improved since then.

    And in Hugo’s defense, had he been willing to just be a pulp publisher, things would have been better. His woes were side effects of the other things he was trying to do, and pouring Experimenter revenues into. His other ventures were unsuccessful, and the losses incurred sank Experimenter.

    >Dennis

  16. Mark on July 28, 2017 at 1:11 pm said:

    Best Problem Facing Genre: (Note: Arguing over arguing is not an acceptable nominee.)

    I disagree!

    You are wrong, as usual.

  17. Surely I’m not the only one who connected the illustration above with the Legion of Superheroes clubhouse.

  18. @Tom Galloway: Yes, if these aren’t Hogu categories, they ought to be. At least the funnier ones.

  19. DMcCunney: I think you need to add some additional resources to your history section. Slowly step away from the Campbell’s edge, sir, it’s crumbly and prone to collapse.

  20. @Paula LIeberman

    No. In fact – NO!

    That effort requires the creation of an entirely new award so that unwrongfans can vote for unwrongfannish things.

  21. @ Sean Kirk

    @Best Anonymous User Name Hugo Award

    2018 CheetoVonTweeto – Donald J. Trump

    This gave my weekend a big smiling start. I’ve shared it in other places and had much the same reaction from a bunch of other people; including several enthusiastic supporters of the POTUS surprisingly enough.

    Thanks very much for the smile! Here, have one of the spare internets I keep in my pocket.

    Regards,
    Dann

  22. @ Dann

    @Best Anonymous User Name Hugo Award

    2018 CheetoVonTweeto – Donald J. Trump

    This gave my weekend a big smiling start. I’ve shared it in other places and had much the same reaction from a bunch of other people; including several enthusiastic supporters of the POTUS surprisingly enough.

    I am glad that it made you laugh as well.

    IMO CheetoVonTweeto is the funniest nickname for POTUS that I have seen yet.

    I am not its author, just reusing it, and passing it along. I lifted it from another commenter who used it in a political news story discussion group a couple of weeks ago. It ended up derailing that conversation completely as other commenters liked it as well, and then began riffing on it. The rest of the entire conversation spiraled into a giant POTUS nicknaming festival.

  23. @Steve Davidson (& others, in comments!): Great list and additions! I regret I don’t have spare brain power tonight to add one to the list.

    @Steve Leavell: “Surely I’m not the only one who connected the illustration above with the Legion of Superheroes clubhouse.”

    That crossed my mind as well. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *