163 thoughts on “A Page for Comments 8/22

  1. and if I got booted from a con I was at on my own dime, would somebody sit down and draft a letter “Dear Publisher, RedWombat was a blithering idiot today…”?)

    Actually, yes, somebody would. It is absolutely a thing now to try to get people fired from their jobs for saying/doing “the wrong thing” in areas unconnected to their job. (For a close to home example, look what Crazy Uncle Lou did to Aaron.)

  2. If someone has been told not to contact me and they need, for themselves to feel better, to continue contacting me online and in person to apologize I don’t care about the distinction between too ignorant to know better and malicious intent. In my experience with sexual harassment many of the too ignorant to know better is intentional ignorance. A refusal to listen to anyone who explains why what they are doing is wrong. For me that is malicious intent as someone is consistently putting their feelings and needs above all others on purpose and claiming ignorance due to refusal to listen and learn. This allows them to continue being abusive and get sympathy or partly excused.

    When I was in my first year as a manager I did something which an employee in another department felt was sexual harassment. We met with HR. I disagreed but I apologized. Nothing else was asked of me. Our cubicles were close to each other. I went out of my way to avoid going by his cubicle because if I’d been in his position I wouldn’t want to see the person who’d harassed me. Personally I think HR should have moved one of us. I was young and new to management and it didn’t occur to me to suggest it.

    It’s not the victim/survivors job to educate their harasser. We are not responsible for giving absolution. There are lots of resources on the Internet, books, people who will help you out if you want to figure out what to do once you’ve screwed up. Forty years ago without the internet there were books and people/therapist. One hundred years ago there was common sense and a few books and wise people within communities. This is not a new problem. This issue has been being addressed and talked about for a long time. Ignorance is a choice for those with privilege.

  3. @rcade

    In college I lived in a dodgy neighborhood next to a family of hard drinkers who freaked out my girlfriend and I with their behavior.

    I’m picturing a scene somewhat like this Beck song (which reportedly features his actual neighbors at the time):

  4. This makes me very sad. I even think I understand what she’s trying to say–and what “bad people” would be. But I wouldn’t have wanted to live next to them either.

    I think when she saw us moving, she concluded it was because of her family.

    But there was a much bigger reason: skinheads took over a boarding house on the same property, kept stealing our mail and were harassing a gay couple our age who lived across the street. We realized one weekend it was crazy to risk living there and vamoosed.

    The neighborhoods surrounding UNT in Denton, Texas, have gotten a lot nicer since the 1990s.

  5. If someone asks me not to approach them and I really feel I *must* apologize for being boneheaded enough to do whatever I did… I’d write a personal apology, give it to a mutual acquaintance as a courier, and KEEP MY DISTANCE. And I wouldn’t expect a reply. (I wouldn’t even expect that they’d unseal the envelope. That’s their choice, not mine.)

  6. *shrug* Honestly, @rcade, I don’t feel like quibbling over it with you. Knowing parties involved, I think Bull Spec did a good job with the hand they were dealt, you can think differently or not, as you like.

  7. Knowing parties involved, I think Bull Spec did a good job with the hand they were dealt, you can think differently or not, as you like.

    I agree with Bull Spec’s actions.

  8. @Meredith
    I’m happy to be back. Hopefully it will stick this time; been a rough year what with one thing and another.

    I understand, I’ve been absent and/or patchy for several months, too, and may be again. Mine was less because of physical health and more due to tragedy among friends/family. Sadly, there’s more to come. So I wish physical and mental health/strength for all of us, then, and less stress, if possible.

  9. Meredith, your presence has been sorely missed by me, as well as by others. We have kept up your tradition of posting special sales on books.

    I hope that you are feeling much better, and that you will be able to continue hanging out here in the Hive. 🙂

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