April Gutierrez Review: Vosges Haut-Chocolat

Review by April Gutierrez: Applewood bacon, alderwood smoked salt, hickory smoked almonds, plus guajillo and pasilla chilis – oh my! This exotic selection of ingredients are just a few of the flavor surprises in store for chocolate aficionados, such as myself, when they reach for a Vosges candy bar. Definitely not your garden variety chocolates here.

The concept behind Vosges’ exotic chocolates is best explained by their mission statement:

The Vosges Haut-Chocolat mission is to create a luxury chocolate experience rooted in a sensory journey of bringing about awareness to indigenous cultures through the exploration of spices, herbs, roots, flowers, fruits, nuts, chocolate and the obscure.

Cultural awareness in my chocolate?  Hm. Well-meaning, definitely, but let’s be honest, when you’ve got a chocolate craving, what’s paramount is how good the chocolate is. So I’ll focus on the “sensory journey” and see if Vosges delivers what it promises.

Three varieties of Vosges bars were provided for review: Mo’s Dark Bacon Bar, Barcelona Bar and the Oaxaca Exotic Candy Bar. The first thing of note is that the bars are downright tiny. Each is just 3 ounces and 90 calories or under, ideal for someone needing just a taste, such as a reviewer. But I can only imagine that a chocolate fanatic with an itch to scratch will probably weep at the size and consume all three at once without a second thought.

A mild disclaimer here: I don’t think of myself as a chocolate snob, but I know my likes (plain dark chocolate) and dislikes (plain milk or white chocolate). I’m fine with nuts and I’ve developed a definite taste for salted dark chocolate.  So I approached these bars with an open mind and a desire to be wowed, or at the very least, pleased. I sampled the bars across two different days and in three different ways: room temperature, refrigerator chilled and freezer chilled.

The bars definitely fared best at room temperature, imparting the most flavor during that tasting. Unfortunately for all three bars, the flavor was somewhat disappointing. The Barcelona Bar was salty, but there was no real sense of almonds, no satisfying crunch. The milk chocolate was decent, creamy rather than waxy, but largely unremarkable. Mo’s Dark Chocolate Bacon Bar was even saltier, which worked decently with the darker chocolate, but the saltiness was just sensation and not very bacony. And as for the Oaxacan bar . . . it has a bit of a kick in the aftertaste, but the flavor of the bar itself isn’t memorable.

I found myself perplexed at my ho-hum reaction to these bars. On paper they sound marvelous, so where’s the disconnect?  After the second tasting, I hit on the idea of trying an unrelated chocolate, as something of a control to compare to. So before trying another round of Vosges, I sampled a square of plain dark chocolate (73%) from the freezer, and immediately had my answer: the chocolate itself was bold and rich, commandeering my taste buds in a welcome and pleasant way. 

Returning to the Vosges, I tried each again, focusing on the chocolate, rather than the additions. And there it was: the chocolate in all three just doesn’t stack up against the salt and spice. What should be an equal marriage of flavors and texture is lopsided, and not in a good way.

Vosges’ mission is certainly a lofty and ambitious one, and I applaud their desire to experiment (I’ve sampled and enjoyed their ginger/wasabi bar in the past), but the chocolate just isn’t up to snuff in these bars. Which is to say I won’t go out of my way to get more in the future. A pity.

More information about Vosges’ chocolate can be found online here.


April Gutierrez, Japanese fan. A Green Man Review reviewer. A life-long lover of chocolate and felines, she indulges in the former frequently and shares her abode with a rather spoiled specimen of the latter. She can most commonly be found with her nose buried in a book, a cup of good tea in hand and Japanese pop music playing in the background.

Camille Alexa Review: Folkmanis Baby Dragon

Review by Camille Alexa: Like every Folkmanis puppet I’ve so far seen, the Baby Dragon Puppet is a marvel of workmanship for the price: carefully stitched seams, articulated wings, darts along the inside of the limbs and belly to allow for movement and keep shape. The tag tells us it’s made in China, so we know who to thank.

I’m struck by how utterly soft this little plushie is — eminently suitable for a baby dragon if not for its parent. And like a baby, this little guy has a teensy pot belly, rounded and cute, filled with just enough stuffing to give him some heft without making him feel bulky or awkward; just the right amount of stuffing to invite you to go ahead and slide him on like a puffy green glove, give him a try.

Inside is considerably less soft, no fur — probably wise to line with moisture-wicking material where the grubby mitts go. The tail, too, is stuffed to perfection, not too much nor too little, so it curves up and away, retaining life of its own while the puppet is occupied. The outer material, perhaps not aided by the choice of ‘gator green, is more reminiscent of mock croc than fireproof scales. If the mouth is a bit stiff compared to other puppets, the arms are a nice fit for the fingers, in keeping with the excellent planning and design of the puppet’s stitching and stuffing.

Most exciting discovery: Baby Dragon’s lovely deep nostrils — so perfectly detailed, lined in soft rose to match the interior of his dragony mouth — go all the way through from one side to the other. This is not some lapse in construction, but a planned detail! I imagine staging a play with Baby Dragon, imagine making my own flames out of something stiff and colorful, like construction paper or crinkly tissue, or maybe something soft, like fluttering red silk. How cool would THAT be when you turned on the fan? Fire away!

Huh. Guess it brought out the kid in me. A success, then, yes?


Camille Alexa shares her Edwardian home in the Pacific Northwest with an array of fossils, dried willow branches, pressed flowers, and other very pretty dead things. Her first book, PUSH OF THE SKY, earned a starred review in Publishers Weekly and was a finalist for the Endeavour Award. She likes her humor dark and her horror funny, and can be found on twitter @camillealexa or on LiveJournal as camillealexa.

Emails From Lake Woe-Is-Me — Fit the Hundred and Third

A dark forest sits beneath a starlit sky. Creepy Black goo drips down the scene. Whimsical white letters read: “Fit the Hundred and Third: The Fresh Fish of Rock and Roll.”

[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]

THE FRESH FISH OF ROCK AND ROLL

Hello, All! Melanie here.

When last we left Writer X, she was trying to lose weight to help her meet her writing goals. She also was trying to get her demon BFF Tryxy’s band booked at the grand opening of a grocery store sushi counter. If she succeeds, this would go a long way in fulfilling Tryxy’s dream of playing at a sushi restaurant.

Without further ado…


Subject: Can you bail me out of jail in five minutes or so???

Dear Gladys,

Every time one of my stabilizer balls explodes, I get this obnoxious ringing in my ears!!!! I can’t remember if you told me your new phone number ended with a seven or an eleven so I’m sending you this email instead.

My boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, just sent me these screenshots of his conversation with Mr. Morgan and I think I’m finally making some headway in getting him to book Demonkitty for the grand opening of his new sushi counter!!!!

Either that, or I’m going to jail, so stand by!!!!!!

Here’s the screenshots from my boyfriend!!!

Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. Well, I’m in the third week of working with my Internalized Fat Phobia Coach and I still haven’t lost ANY WEIGHT!!!!! This was a significant set back in my writing-related weight loss goals and provoked a lot of stress eating. If my Fat Phobia Coach just spent a little less time talking about me loving my body unconditionally, we could do a lot more conditioning of my core!!!!

Hang on, Gladys, I accidentally bounced into the fish case and now there’s farm-raised salmon and ice chips everywhere. I filled this ball up with extra air so that it’s SUPER BOUNCY. MORE BOUNCE MEANS MORE CALORIES!!!!!!

BUT my boyfriend’s not much help with my weight loss goals. He keeps telling me that he’s attracted to me just as I am and that maybe I should start writing characters that look more like me as an exercise in self-love but I can love myself WAAAAAAAYyYYYYYY better when I’m thirty pounds smaller!!!!!

I’ve had to take things into my own hands. I replaced my daily writing time with keeping a strict calorie counting journal. But it’s calories in, calories out, Galsdy!!!! I have to burn as many calories as I eat, so I needed new ways to get in some extra exercise. Cars are a road block to burning calories so when I drove mine off the bridge again last week, I took it as a sign from the universe!!!!!

Then, I ordered a truck load of these beautiful hot pink stabilizer balls. I got rid of ALLL the chairs in my house and I’ve just been bouncing on these balls everywhere and so far there hasn’t been any downsidddddddthnspei

Hang on, Gladys, I got a little of that ice underneath me and just careened fifty feet across the store and collided with a display of mixed nuts.

As you know, I’ve been working on Mr. Morgan to book Demonkitty for the grand opening of the sushi counter and Tryxy and #bestkitten have been practicing nonstop since I told them that I absolutely have the gig in the bag and hung up posters promoting the show!!!!

So I stopped in to see if Mr. Morgan’s come to his senses yet and you know what I found out???? He’s opening the sushi counter TOMORROW!!!! This is fantastic!!!! Tryxy has off of work AND school tomorrow!!!!

Hang on. I think I have a honey-roasted cashew in my ear.

But Mr. Morgan doesn’t seem to see the logic. He says it’s “too late” the “health inspector’s coming tonight” and “cat around fresh fish” and “scromboid poisoning.” He was in the middle of hanging a giant squid shaped paper lantern over the fresh fish case when I accidentally bounced his ladder out from underneath him. Then he had to “go to the back” and “get first aid” and “check on his lawyer” and the fish counter person told me that “check on his lawyer” is either code for “call the police” or “take three or four lorazepam and a bottle of red wine.”

Which is why I’ve decided to write you!!!! Because I am SO close to making this happen. 

Hey Gladys, have you ever noticed that when you bounce over something ppointy your stabilizer ball makes this weird “peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen” sound??? Or it goes “peen! peen! peen!” with every bounce!!! Fortunately I brought my bicycle pump with me in case I lost any bounciness!!!! I even know how to pump and bounce in tandem!!! One calorie burned per bounce when you work both your arms and your core!!!!!!

I have to say that Mr. Morgan has done a really good job setting up this new sushi counter!!! The paper squid lantern is a nice touch. And the torii gate!! And the delicate little ceramic fish hanging everywhere. And the grand opening sign with the shiny gold leaf Japanese characters that probably say “Year of the Goat” or something!!!!! And the counter staff in fresh white aprons and hats looking nervously at me as I bounce towrad that

[hinb’sEb’uEO{GTO:WEL””BGNT:LNG”WLSGBNU psengto

sent from my iPhone

X KEEPS

CALLING

AND

HANGING

UP BECAUSE

SHE CAN’T

HEAR ME.

MANAGED

TO MAKE

OUT THAT

SUSHI

COUNTER

IS OPENING

AS SOON AS

IT’S

REBUILT

AND

DEMONKITTY

IS OFFICIALLY

PLAYING!

SO EXCITED!

SO NERVOUS!

WHAT IF

I MESS UP?

Barkley — So Glad You (Didn’t) Ask #80

Chengdu 2023: A Bittersweet Symphony of a Worldcon

I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you ever been down?
Have you ever been down?

++ “Bittersweet Symphony” by Richard Ashcroft of The Verve, with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards

By Chris M. Barkley: January 20th, 2024: A Day that will live in Fannish Infamy.

What was that day like? It was like racing down the stairs on Christmas Day and spotting a large package containing the LARGEST chocolate bar you have ever seen, ripping the wrapping and packaging unheeded and sinking your teeth into it for a BIG bite…only to find out an instant later and much to your horror, that your dear, elderly, nearsighted grandparents had bought a gigantic bar of bitter, very untasty, dark baking chocolate.  

Yes, THAT kind of day. And every single day since then…

My partner Juli and I were taking a midmorning break after a panel and a late breakfast in our hotel room last Saturday at the 49th edition of the ConFusion sf convention in Novi, Michigan, when she noticed a Facebook post from a well known Chicago area sf fan, Dave McCarty:

· January 20 at 11:48 am
“For those following at home, the release is out.”

As many of you may now know, Mr. McCarty was one of the lead Hugo Award Administrators for the 81st World Science Fiction convention that took place in the People’s Republic of China’s fourth largest city, Chengdu. It also happens to be the capital of China’s sff community.

We, along with a lot of people in the fannish community, had been eagerly awaiting the release of the 2023 Hugo Awards Long List of Nominations. 

You may also be aware that I attended the convention, too; not only in the capacity of File 770’s foreign correspondent, but as a Hugo Award Finalist in the Best Fan Writer Category.

During my stay I did not encounter any problems with anyone on the Convention Committee, congoing staff or fans, or any of the police or security services who were (heavily) present. I, in turn, was very polite and circumspect in my behavior and attitude while I was there, since I considered myself as a diplomat for my country AND for the international fannish community as well. 

Full Disclosure: I was an invited guest of the Chengdu World Science Fiction Committee and the host fan group, the Chengdu Science Fiction Society. I did so of my own free will, knowing that the People’s Republic of China is a totalitarian regime with a very vigorous system of surveillance and social intimidation. I went to Chengdu, with airfare and expenses paid, without any prior restraints on what I could say, do or go. I went because: 

(a) I was invited by the hosts of the convention and I wanted to represent the sf community on a world stage. 

(b) I was a Hugo Award nominee for fan writing and, most importantly —

(c) I am 67 freaking years old and exactly WHEN THE HELL was I going to get another chance to visit Asia, much less the People’s Republic of China?

So, I went all in, with my eyes, and ears wide open. I was on the lookout for anything unusual. I even took a “dumb phone” which had a very limited connectivity and functions just in case the Chinese security services became a little too interested in me. (This rather foolish and overly paranoiac move actually caused more problems than it actually solved. 

(Note: I am currently at work transcribing a diary I kept during the period of my nomination and my stay at the convention where this blunder and other fascinating things will be revealed. It will be published on File770 later this year.) 

Onward…

[Chris Barkley’s column continues after the jump.]

Continue reading

Toy Review: Candygram! Deluxe Big Guy and Rusty, the Boy Robot

Review by Iain Delaney: Big Guy and Rusty, the Boy Robot, began life as a comic book by Frank Miller and Geoff Darrow. In 1999, the Fox Kids network produced an animated TV series for Big Guy and Rusty, the Boy Robot, and they made 26 episodes, although they originally aired only six on the Saturday morning line-up. The rest appeared a year later in the daytime afternoon rotation.

The series takes place in the near future and the show has a retro-futurist style. The Big Guy is a giant armored robot designed to defend New Tronic city against other robots and aliens. The company that built him, Quark Industries, has also built their next generation robot in the shape of a small boy and named him Rusty.

Quark’s secret is that Big Guy is not a real robot; his artificial intelligence never worked. Instead, he is piloted by Lieutenant Dwayne Hunter, who pretends to be Big Guy’s mechanic. A select few, including senior executives and Big Guy’s crew, are aware of this embarrassment to Quark. They keep the secret from Rusty for two reasons; the first is that Rusty idolizes the Big Guy and the truth could overload his emotional grid, and the second is that Rusty isn’t good at keeping secrets.

The Deluxe Big Guy toy is one of a range of spin-off toys produced by Bandai, but since the show never really reached a mass audience, the toys are rather rare.

The packaging is a very attractive cardboard box with a plastic window showing all the pieces of the toy. (Apologies for the water damage to the box.) Inside is a red plastic tray holding the robot and his accessories. Interestingly, there are only three accessories: Dwayne, Rusty, and a ray gun. All the other features are built into Big Guy, and there are a lot of them.

Pressing a button in the chest lights up the eyes and the robot speaks one of four phrases: “This is serious business”, “For the luvva Mike!”, “Fire in the Hole”, and “Candygram”. (The last one is my favorite; it’s Dwayne’s ‘battle cry’ when he unloads all the weapons at once. It’s nonsensical, but it works.)

The ray gun fits in his left hand and the left hand comes off so that Rusty attaches to the left arm for … reasons. The robot’s back opens up in three segments to reveal the highly detailed cockpit. Of course Dwayne fits inside the cockpit, and the cockpit periscope display lights up when you press the talk button. You don’t normally see this level of detail in a mass production toy.

Finally, with a little wiggling and coercion, the right elbow opens up to reveal a barrage of weapons. This is usually the ‘Candygram’ attack seen in the show.

This is a terrific toy for fans of the comic or the animated series. Unfortunately, it is now pretty rare and mint in box copies are expensive, running a few hundred dollars on eBay. Still, highly recommended.


Iain Delaney was born in the UK but moved to Canada at an early age. The UK heritage explains his fascination with British TV SciFi, including Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet, UFO, and, of course, Dr. Who. After fumbling through high school, he fumbled through university, emerging with a degree in physics. With no desire to pursue graduate studies he discovered that a bachelor’s degree had little to no job prospects, so he took up a career in computer programming. In his off time he reads, watches TV and movies, collects toys, and makes attempts at writing. To that end he has a small number of articles published in role-playing game magazines and won two honorable mentions in the Writers of the Future contest. He is working on an urban fantasy YA trilogy and entertains delusions of selling it to movies or TV.

Cat Eldridge Review: Nine-Tail Fox Figure 

By Cat Eldridge: The nine-tail fox arose in Chinese mythology and spread throughout Asian mythology as the Chinese culture dominated that region. She occurs in genre fiction most notably in Jon Courtenay most excellent Grimwood’s 9 Tail Fox. And the Hellboy animated film Hellboy: Sword of Storms has him being aided, maybe, by anine-tailed fox spirit (kyūbi no kitsune). 

It is a perfect little sleeping nine-tailed fox, barely an inch and half across, the second one that I got. The first I received, from the Ukraine, is far too dark to make out the details of that creature when looking at from a distance. Not so here. The eyes, the slightly open mouth, the nostrils, the feet, the ears — all in their exquisite fine details are completely visible here as I look at her. 

Interestingly the nine tails, and they are also perfectly crafted, are for some reason darker than the rest of her. (All of my of foxes are females, eleven so far, plus two among my seventy houseplants are considered female.) I assume the Chinese artist where it came from or ceramic caster had a reason for this, and it’s not really distracting. I think it’s a different ceramic. 

It actually was intended as a good luck charm for one taking tea so it was near you when you do so. And here she is. 

Oh, she does have two eyes. I’ve no idea who the right one doesn’t show here.

April Gutierrez Review: Reese’s Peanut Butter Candy: A Guilty Pleasure

Review by April Gutierrez: “You got your chocolate in my peanut butter! You got your peanut butter in my chocolate!”

Admit it, you’ve got a guilty pleasure or two. We all do. Maybe it’s greasy burgers from the dive joint around the corner from your office. Maybe it’s spaghetti westerns or Japanese kaiju movies. Or racy romance novels. Whatever form it may take, we all find delight in something that perhaps we feel we shouldn’t because it’s  against our sensibilities, runs the risk of ridicule, or just plain isn’t good for us.

And so, I have a confession to make. Yes, I have a problem. And that problem’s name is Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. I’m the person at Hallowe’en who looks at the bowl of candy designated for trick-or-treaters and asks, plaintively, “Could we hold the Reese’s in reserve? Or at least hide them on the bottom of the bowl?” and who will blatantly pilfer from the bowl throughout the evening. And if there’s any left over? Bliss!

I could, in a heartbeat, give up the entirety of American mass-produced chocolate (so much of which is of Hershey’s manufacture), so long as I can keep the creamy, chocolaty, salty goodness that is Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. In fact, I might be willing to sell a friend or two out for a steady supply of the things. And it’s not just me, I have a Japanese friend who stocks up when she comes to the States, and is desperate enough that she’s going to try making some of her own in the near future.

Why, you might ask? What’s so addictive about a simple chocolate shell filled with peanut butter? Well, in my case, it’s that chocolate and peanut butter are two of my absolute favorite foods, period.  We’re not talking a simple fondness for, but outright devotion. Chocolate is self-explanatory, I think, and peanut butter? Mm, salty, crunchy goodness (all hail today’s organic peanut butter that is 100% peanuts!). Put the two together and you get a sweet ‘n salty bit of heaven. Personally, I think the person who first decided chocolate and peanut butter were “two great tastes that go together” deserves sainthood.

As does Cat, who cheerfully sent me a variety of Reese’s products to devour –- er, review. So we have Reese’s Milk Chocolate CupsReese’s Dark CupsReese’s new MinisReese’s Fast Break bar and Reese’s Pieces. I’m grateful for the lack of white chocolate cups, as that’s just … wrong. (Really, don’t get me started on how white chocolate ain’t chocolate. It’s quite the rant.)

How do I eat my Reese’s? In a couple of bites each, though I should’ve nibbled to savor them.

First up were the dark chocolate cups, as they’re my favorites. I’m not sure of the cocoa content of the dark cups, but it’s probably not much over 50%. Regardless, it does make for an entirely different taste when compared with the milk chocolate cups. Sugar’s a prime ingredient in all of Reese’s products, including the dark chocolate. Normally I’d find this annoying, but the slight sweetness of the dark chocolate against the creamy saltiness of the peanut butter is a little taste of heaven. The chocolate serves as an enhancement to the peanut butter, making the salty taste pop in all the right ways. By contrast, the milk chocolate doesn’t work as well as it’s a bit too bland (think your average Hershey’s milk chocolate) to enhance much of anything, even something with a contrasting taste. Still, I wouldn’t turn away free milk chocolate cups, and indeed, I didn’t!

Next up was a product I’ve been dubious about since I first heard about it – the Fast Break candy bar, which has layers of peanut butter and nougat covered with milk chocolate. Being somewhat of a purist, I didn’t see a need to add nougat into the mix. Why ruin a good thing? I tossed this in the freezer before trying it, which resulted in a satisfying crunch to go with the salty sweetness. The bar is, in fact, quite tasty, but makes me think more of a Snickers bar -– less the actual peanuts -– than a Reese’s product. Nice for a one-time thing, but if I’m craving this particular flavor combo, I’d probably go for the aforementioned Snickers.

The wrapperless milk chocolate minis are a new product for Reese’s. They came in a “king”-sized bag and there seem to be quite a few of them (no, I didn’t count as I was popping them into my mouth one after another; nor did I even consider checking the caloric content…). Apparently, there’s an even larger bag available, presumably for those who are kind enough to share their Reese’s. While the minis are still just milk chocolate, they proved to be tasty little morsels. Perhaps it’s because they’re gone so quickly, just a momentary burst of flavor on the tongue, that they seemed to taste better than the full-sized milk chocolate cups. I do have to wonder what a dark chocolate version might taste like.

Last, though by no means least, were a bag of Reese’s Pieces, which are candy-coated bites of peanut butter.  No chocolate to speak of with the pieces, but there is a lot of creamy peanut butter, set off by the crunch of the candy shell.  Probably because of the lack of any real chocolate, the pieces are a bit on the sweet side and not enough of the salty tang that should be there. Still, they’ve got a good mouth feel and they are peanutty enough to be enjoyable should you not have any of the cups available for snacking on.

Reese’s are by no means high quality chocolate. In fact, the chocolate itself tends to be a bit crumbly. And we simply won’t discuss the sugar and fat content of either the chocolate or the peanut butter. But these simple candies have no pretentions of being anything more than they are -– a yummy blend of two great tastes. There are imitators and wanna-bes, but nothing beats a good Reese’s cup when you’re craving peanut butter and chocolate, that’s for damn sure! 

Thanks! 


April Gutierrez, Japanese fan. A Green Man Review reviewer. A life-long lover of chocolate and felines, she indulges in the former frequently and shares her abode with a rather spoiled specimen of the latter. She can most commonly be found with her nose buried in a book, a cup of good tea in hand and Japanese pop music playing in the background.

The Charm and Mystery of Versailles

By Lee Weinstein: When my wife, Diane, and I planned a trip to Paris to take place in August of 1990, I was reminded of an oft-repeated story of an unusual event that happened a century earlier in nearby Versailles.  

On August 10, 1901, two English academics, Charlotte Anne Moberly and Eleanor Jourdain, had a strange experience while touring the grounds of the Palace of Versailles. Miss Moberly was the principal of St. Hugh’s College for women in Oxford, and Miss Jourdain was headmistress of Corran Collegiate School, a private school for girls.

While vacationing together in Paris, they decided to visit Versailles, where they experienced what seemed to be a time slip back to the previous century. It began after they passed the Grand Trianon, a large chateau on the grounds while on their way to the Petit Trianon, a smaller chateau given by the king to Marie Antoinette. It was between the two Trianons that they lost their way.  Both later independently reported they had felt a sense of oppression, as well as feeling of unreality, as if everything had become flat and lifeless.

Grand Trianon

As they got closer to the Petit Trianon, they saw two strangely dressed men in long green-gray coats and three-cornered hats who told them to continue in the same direction.  They both recalled a dark-complected man with a pockmarked face, in a slouch hat and dark cloak, sitting near a kiosk, who they described as “odious” and repulsive.” An excited and ruddy-faced young man in a wide-brimmed hat and a cloak, wrapped scarf-like around him, came running from behind and called to them in unusually accented French to “go this way,  not that way,” before running off. They crossed a small rustic-looking bridge and as they approached the smaller Trianon, Miss Moberly distinctly saw a young woman wearing a shady white hat and a light green fichu, or old-fashioned shawl, sitting in a garden and sketching. Her companion was totally unable to recall this. 

Eventually, as they arrived at the Petit Trianon, they were directed to the front entrance and the feelings of oppression and unreality lifted.  Everything returned to normal. They discovered later, after a good deal of research, that what they had seen corresponded to the way the grounds had appeared a century earlier, in 1789. The sinister-looking man had likely been the Comte de Vaudreuil, a half-Creole nobleman and associate of the queen, and the bridge and kiosk no longer existed. The woman in the fichu sitting and sketching, they believed, from portraits they found, might have been Marie Antoinette, herself.

Unfortunately, they had not taken along cameras. If they had, their published account of the incident, An Adventure (1911), might have gained more acceptance.

There have since been many interpretations of their experience. Had they slipped back in time to the previous century? Or was it a haunting? Perhaps a shared hallucination? Some skeptics have theorized they had merely wandered into someone’s outdoor costume party.

I had read of their experience numerous times over the years in books about hauntings and unusual occurrences. It is referenced in such books as Apparitions (1953) by G.N.M. Tyrell, Spirits, Stars and Spells (1966) by L. Sprague and Catherine De Camp, and The Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits (1992) by Rosemary Ellen Guiley, but when I happened on their book, An Adventure, in the stacks of the Free Library of Philadelphia, I was eager to read their separate first-hand accounts. It was a slim hardcover book and included their accounts as well as maps of the grounds, which I was later to put to use.  

All this came to mind while preparing for our trip. So while touring Paris, we took the 40-minute train ride to Versailles, as our two predecessors had done a century earlier. I had photocopied relevant portions of their accounts beforehand and prepared a rough map by following the text and using the maps in the book. I also brought along my Minolta. If for no other reason, Versailles was supposed to be quite picturesque.

We found the main palace itself to be a tribute to excess and bad taste, yet there is much there that is picturesque as well. It is about a quarter of a mile long and is supposed to have 1300 rooms, although the guided tour we took included only about 20 or so. In addition to bedrooms trimmed with gold-covered wood and hundreds of paintings of the royal families, there is the Hall of Mirrors where the Treaty of Versailles was signed. This long hall, with its row of tall mirrors reflecting the sunlight from the windows opposite to them, was still quite striking although not well-maintained.

The Hall of Mirrors

But more photographic opportunities lay in the palace gardens, which, we discovered, cover about 250 acres and cannot be seen in a single afternoon. Therefore, we stuck to retracing the 1901 path taken by Misses Moberly and Jourdain. We set out down the rear steps of the palace, past large geometrically arranged flower beds of red and yellow, white statuary, and ornate fountains and pools.

 The grounds were eerily silent as we proceeded, and I began to understand how the two women may have felt spooked as they wandered through the vast quiet spaces. There were small groups of tourists, but they were very widely spaced around the grounds.

At the end of a long canal-like pool we set off to the right toward the Grand Trianon, built by Louis XIV as a get-away, and an interesting subject for the camera. On the way we followed a shady tree-lined path, with an overarching canopy of green foliage.  I later used my photo of this as a model for my first oil painting.

We arrived at the Grand Trianon, I took a photo of it, and we proceeded a short way, but now there seemed to be an almost numinous stillness in the air. The two Englishwomen had struck off to the right again at this point, taking a road which they discovered later did not exist, at least in their time.  Not surprisingly, Diane and I didn’t find the road they described, but we took one which seemed most closely to approximate the direction of their strange encounter and entered the area where the two ladies had lost their way.

All the while I had been happily snapping away with my camera. As I aimed to shoot an interesting overpass not far past the Trianon something odd happened. I pressed the shutter and there was no click.   I reached for the advance lever, and it would not engage. My camera was suddenly useless. Miss Moberly’s question to Miss Jourdain after their encounter sprang to mind, “Do you think the Trianon is haunted?”

Diane and I nonetheless proceeded to the Petit Trianon, where the women’s strange experiences had culminated. This smaller Trianon was Marie Antoinette’s private chateau, and we went on a fascinating guided tour of the interior. But, alas, I was not able to take pictures of it, nor did we see any ghosts of the past. After the tour, still firmly in the present, we enjoyed seeing the nearby English and French Gardens and the hedge maze.  The English Garden was where Miss Moberly had seen the young woman sitting and sketching.

Back at the hotel in Paris that evening, exhausted from walking, I rewound the film, which had been at the end, and removed it, but the shutter mechanism was still jammed. Diane took it and after some fiddling was able to get it working properly again.

Since then, I’ve been told that the camera will jam in the same way if I try to advance it at the end of a roll, which is where it had been.  Maybe so.  But I can’t help but wonder if Marie Antoinette didn’t somehow have something to do with it.


Lee Weinstein’s Website: https://leestein2003.wordpress.com/

Emails From Lake Woe-Is-Me — Fit the Hundred & Second

A dark forest sits beneath a starry sky. Creepy black goo drips down the scene. Whimsical white letters read: “Fit the Hundred & Second: All My Characters Are Thin, Lithe, And Have Limpid Eyes.”

[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]

ALL MY CHARACTERS ARE THIN, LITHE, AND HAVE LIMPID EYES

Hello, All! Melanie here.

Last week, Writer X and friends started their New Year with a bang, a boom, and then a lot of smoke. Most of this occurred when X accidentally torched Gladys’s house with fireworks.

X is in crisis. While visiting the new department store in town, X saw herself in the dressing room mirrors and realized her weight was the real thing wrong with her writing. She and her new friend, Leonard Biggleton, have started seeing a wellness coach specializing in Internalized Fat Phobia.

Meanwhile, the demon Tryxy wished on New Year’s Eve that his band Demonkitty (a band consisting of one demon on drums and one adorable, deaf kitten on the microphone) would become famous. Wonder of wonders, it seems things are starting to happen. Just last week, the college radio station played their song “Ninevah Burns In My Soul.”

Or maybe it’s a coincidence.

Without further ado…


Subject: I can only be a great writer if I’m THIN, GLADYS!!!!!!!

Dear Gladys,

I went power-walking past your house this morning with my new friend Leonard Biggleton and we noticed that your place was still a heap of blackened posts and rubble. Any idea when you’ll get around to rebuilding??? You can’t live in a tent forever!!! Especially in the middle of January!!!!!

Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. Remember that Internalized Fat Phobia Coach I was telling you about?? If I could just get her to help me lose weight instead of except my weight as it is, my writing would be on a WHOLE NEW LEVEL!!!!! But for some reason, my Internalized Fat Phobia Coach seems to be the LAST person to understand how this works!!!

I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to write this email, but I’m typing with one hand. With the other hand, I’m pumping serious iron.

Hang on, Galdsy, that’s Mr. Morgan calling me. BRB!!! (That means “be right back.”)

Okay, I’m back!!! It seems like every time I turn around, Mr. Morgan is under the delusion that he has a chance of WINNING ANYTHING WITH ME!!!!

Just the other day I was at Mr. Morgan’s Food Emporium and Things Nicely Priced and you know what I heard???? Demonkitty’s song “Ninevah Burns In My Soul” was playing in the canned soup aisle!!!!!! I immediately texted Tryxy and let him know and of course he lost his mind and came running over.

I may have also told Tryxy that Mr. Morgan was a huge fan of his and wanted Demonkitty to come play at the grand opening of his new sushi counter. I have no idea why I said it, Gladys, I just want Tryxy to be happy!!!!!

Then, when Tryxy got to Mr. Morgan’s, Mr. Morgan had the nerve to act like he had no idea what Tryxy was talking about and started saying that he wasn’t sure he had “insurance” that would let a musical act perform next to a food prep counter loaded with sharp knives, raw fish, and a risk of Scromboid Poisoning. When I told him that the MUSICIANS weren’t at ANY risk of Scromboid Poisoning, he too failed to see the point.

Don’t you worry, though, Gladys. I’m going to get Mr. Morgan to book Demonkitty for their sushi counter grand opening if it’s the last thing I do!!!!!

Hang on, Gladys, I dropped my dumbbell on my boyfriend’s laptop. Sweat is slippery!!! I need some weight lifting gloves!!!!

What was I saying??

Oh, I was telling you how the key to me becoming the next big epic fantasy writer of all time is for me to become as thin and impossibly beautiful as my characters!!!!! My new friend, Leonard Biggleton, is also seeing the same Internalized Fat Phobia Coach and he’s experiencing similar results. NO WEIGHT LOSS AT ALL!!!!!

He told me that he started feeling bad about his weight when he was little and it made him depressed and being depressed made him eat and then he gained more weight and no matter how happy his love life is, or how magnificent his Deck Building Business is doing, he still feels like a massive failure in life because he doesn’t have a 32” waist.

Gladys, isn’t that RIDICULOUS????? Leonard Biggleton is handsome, kind, passionate about decks AND fireworks, and he’s got a mean power-walking pace!!!!

I told him so and he smiled softly at me and said, “That’s very kind of you, but it’s not how I feel. I just feel like if I lost all my fat, it would go a long way to getting rid of my internalized fat phobia.”

I comforted him by explaining how my situation is FAR WORSE!!!!! I’m supposed to be the next big epic fantasy writer of all time and while my life looks perfect with my pink wardrobe, fantastic collection of disguises, my faberge egg display, AND I’m in a power couple with none other than my boyfriend, award-nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins who is ADORABLE, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to win awards or write my nine book epic fantasy saga if my thighs jiggle!!!!

Leonard said, “I’m not sure how your weight is connected to your writing?”

FORGIVE HIM, GLADYS, HE DOESN’T KNOW.

I said, “How am I supposed to write with confidence if I’m worried about having a double chin shadow in my author photo, Leonard????”

Then HE said, “What about all the amazing, fat, beautiful SFF writers out there?”

I said, “THIS IS ABOUT ME, LEONARD!!!”

I can’t believe this isn’t obvious to him!!!! It’s not about authors, it’s about CHARACTERS THAT AUTHORS CREATE!!!!!! OUR CHARACTERS ARE HOW WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE!!!! I channel my internal loathing into creating impossibly perfect versions of me!!!!! My characters are supposed to be tall, waif like, with purple eyes. WHO ISN’T BETTER WHEN THEY’RE TALL, WAIF LIKE, WITH PURPLE EYES?????

Was Bombur not the fattest and laziest of all the dwarves??? Who idolizes Bombur???

Is there a single scene in all of the Hunger Games trilogy in which Katniss dons her mockingjay pin after wrestling into her favorite pair of Spanx?????

Galdsy, I saw you at the theatre watching Endgame with your cousin Blanche. Was Fat Thor called Sexy As Hell even once???? Okay. I’ll give you that. But by anyone BUT me????

Not to worry. I’m going to give my new and naive Internalized Fat Phobia coach a couple more weeks to come around and see the Writing on the Wall. And in the Books. And in the subtext. After that, I should have lost at least ten pounds and should be feeling a lot more like the Next Big Epic Fantasy Writer of All Time!!!!

Okay, Gladys, I’ve written you an email and completed 40 reps with my 2 lb weights. I’m going to be super strong!!!!! I feel thinner already!!!! I have to see what the scale says!!!!!! BRB!!!! (That means “be right back”.)

I’m sorry. You may have been wondering why I disappeared from writing this email for three and a half hours instead of hitting send.

Well, I weighed myself and saw that I had GAINED four pounds since this morning. Then, I lost my mind and fell into a rotisserie chicken and a whole whoopie pie!!!! Then when my boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, found me licking whoopie pie crumbs off a chicken carcass, he said that I had left my dumbells on the scale and that was the reason behind my four pound weight gain. So I got on the scale again but I was now one chicken and a whoopie pie heavier!!!!!

Then he asked “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY LAPTOP???”

Gotta go!!!! Pages next week, Gladys!!!!

xox,

X

ALWAYS

WANTED

TO PLAY

A SUSHI

COUNTER

GRAND

OPENING.

IT’S THE

PERFECT,

UNLIKELY

PAIRING:

ROCK

AND…

ROLL.

GET IT?

Visit to a Replica of Sherlock Holmes’ Sitting Room at 221B Baker Street

Sherlock Holmes’ desk.

By Bill and Teresa Peschel: Inside an unassuming house in Reading, PA is a treasure. It’s a complete down-to-the-last-detail, life-size recreation of Sherlock Holmes’ sitting room at 221B Baker Street.

And, if you’re a member of a Sherlock Holmes fan group (there are many across the world including the U.S. and we welcome new members) you can visit it on open house days.

Teresa Peschel — and Bill. if you know where to look for him.

Bill and I are members of the White Rose Irregulars, a group based in central PA. Thus, when word comes from on high that the sitting room is open for visitors, we make the trek to Reading. The owner, a member of the Baker Street Irregulars, opens up once or twice a year. He gets visitors from across the United States who come to revel in sitting in Sherlock’s own easy chair, gawk at Sebastion Moran’s air rifle, study the chemistry lab, listen to the sound of horses clip-clopping outside on the street, try to identify the hundreds of items on display and connect them to the canon, and buy loads of Sherlock merchandise to supplement their own hoards.

In addition, the owner sells memorabilia to benefit the Baker Street Irregulars Trust. It uses the money raised to raise Sherlock’s profile in the public school system. He acquires it from everywhere: donations, people downsizing their collections, others who have gotten duplicates, or the heirs who don’t know what to do with any of that stuff.

The current plan for the sitting room is it will eventually go, down to the last cocaine syringe and spent bullet casing, to the University of Minnesota’s Sherlock Holmes collection. It will join some 60,000 other items including the Peschel Press contribution to Sherlock studies: The 223B Casebooks. These comprise nine volumes of vintage Sherlock Holmes parodies covering 1888 – 1930. And yes, the owner of Sherlock’s sitting room has a set of our books. We’re very proud.

This is an amazing place to visit. You enter the house, descend the staircase lined with Sherlock movie memorabilia, and enter the sitting room. Once inside, you can walk around and marvel, even touch things. Two passageways lined with more posters and such lead to the memorabilia room. It’s crammed with wonderful treasures you can buy with a clear conscience because you’re supporting the BSI Trust. While you’re there, you can meet and chat with Sherlock fans from across the country, some of them very big names indeed.

But until Sherlock’s sitting room reopens and you can go to Reading, enjoy the pictures.


Bill and Teresa Peschel are indie writers and publishers from Hershey, PA. They publish a wide variety of books, including the 223B Baker Street series which collects vintage Sherlock Holmes fanfiction and annotations of Agatha Christie and Dorothy Sayers golden age mysteries. Visit them at Peschel Press to learn more or follow them on Instagram for daily quotes and posts.