Condensed Cream of OryCon

Whatever mysterious souls produced the daily newzine for OryCon 36 last weekend helped everyone have a good time by running great out-of-context quotes in every issue. (But the staff didn’t run their own names!)

See this example from The Oryconian #3, published on the last day of the con. The other editions are posted online.

Overheard in Passing
Why am I sticky?
…and my left elbow has a short.
“Did I say something funny?” “Not yet, but if you do I’ll put it in the zine.”
If I called you Ben Affleck you’d come.
Judging by the sound in your pants, I don’t want to know.
“Thank you, doughnut fairy!” “Sorry, I’m straight.”
Is this ‘money’ a kind of candy? ‘Cause I’d like some.
I really think you can manage better outrage than that.
My boobs are too big to have lanyards.
It’s not my fault, my cucumber is fabulous.
This is obviously news, it’s on paper and everything.
Aah, I just blacked myself!
Somewhere there is a context desperately looking for that quote.
He may have entered himself.
I can’t have an elf, so I’m going to drink one.
It’s okay, that was just my nose.
She’s wound tighter than a cheap watch.
“Hm, red currant wine…” “AC or DC?”
I had to take the corset off, my feet were killing me.
I cannot operate broccoli with these gloves.
I haven’t looked yet but I hope the tauntaun head gets a lot of awards.
Cards Against Humanity or just dirty minds?
I am milking my burrito!
Locating my pants. Do not judge.
I’m never anything!
I’m a shark!
You might want to get a llama. They’re very low maintenance.
Hey! What are you doing to my panda?
Braaaaains … or sleep …
I have absinthe in my hair…
“You’re looking very dapper.” “Yes, I may dap at any moment.”
The laws of physics called, they want dinner back.
On Friday I was traveling at the speed of light. Now I’m traveling at the speed of heavy.
I’m not well informed but I’ll give you information.
Did I just offend your virgin ears?

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