Pixel Scroll 9/4 The Scrolling Stones

(1) The Verge covers the University of Iowa’s progress digitizing the Hevelin fanzine collection – “10,000 zines and counting: a library’s quest to save the history of fandom”

The University of Iowa’s fanzine collection is going digital before it falls apart

In July, UI digital project librarian Laura Hampton officially began the long process of archiving the Hevelin Collection. The library is partnering with the fan-run Organization for Transformative Works to collect more zines for eventual digital archival, but Hampton is currently focused on material from the 1930s to 1950s, spanning the rise of zines and the Golden Age of science fiction. The vast majority of the images will stay offline, but an accompanying Tumblr has given outsiders a peek into the roughly 10,000 zines that Hevelin donated — and into the communities that helped create science fiction as we know it, from fandom clashes to fan fiction.

 

The SF Fan, May 1940

The SF Fan, May 1940

(2) Pop quiz at Clickhole “Obama Quote Or Description Of A Ray Bradbury Book Cover?” Unlike quizzes at File 770, not all the answers are Ray Bradbury.

(3) Time is running out to send your name to Mars. The last Day to register is September 8, 2015 (11:59 p.m. ET)

(4) Rachael Acks, on “FAQ: What is SFWA in charge of?***” , lists six things SFWA is in charge of and 35 it is not in charge of. How does she keep track?

(5) George R.R. Martin likes Kevin Standlee’s ideas for redoing some of the Hugo Award categories – “Hugo Reform”

I suspect that the chance of these changes being enacted are remote (every existing Hugo category has an entrenched constituency, so while adding categories is difficult, abolishing one is all but impossible) but nonetheless, I think these are eminently sensible changes and I would whole-heartedly support them. Let me tell you why.

For me, the most problematic Hugo categories are those that honor a person rather than a work. Look at Best Artist, for instant. I was just discussing that with my friend John Picacio this past weekend, as it’s a pet peeve of his. The award has been around for half a century, yet fewer than twenty people have ever won it. The same people win, year after year. Many voters have no idea what art they did the past year, if any; they just know, “oh, I like X’s art,” and they vote for him, again.

The Best Editor categories have shown every signs of working the same way. Originally the category WAS Best Magazine, which was easy to judge. Did ASTOUNDING or GALAXY have a better year? It was changed to Best Editor in the 70s, during the boom in original anthologies, sometimes called “book-a-zines”… and to allow book editors to compete. But few book editors were ever nominated, and none ever won, until the category was split in half. Problem is, and this complaint came up often during Puppygate and after, that most books do not credit their editors… and besides that, the reader has no real way to know what the editor did. Some novels are heavily edited, some much less. What is the criterion? The proof should be in the pudding. Which pudding tastes better. Reward the WORK, not the author or editor or artist. Go back to Best Magazine, and add Anthology/ Collection (both the Locus Awards and the World Fantasy Awards have such a category, and it works well). That more than covers the Short Form Editors.

(6) Daniel Lemire – “Revisiting Vernor Vinge’s ‘predictions’ for 2025”

Let me review some of his predictions:

  • In his novel, many people earn a small income through informal part-time work with affiliate networks, doing random work. Today you can earn a small income through Amazon’s Mechanical Turk and there are many Uber-like services whereas individuals can earn small sums by doing various services. So this prediction is almost certainly coming true….

(7) Avedon Carol on The Sideshow – “Never mind the forecast, ’cause the sky has lost control”

Christopher Priest leaps to the defense of Terry Pratchett. I remember years ago reading an article in Time Out from a woman who had been assigned to write about Pratchett and proceeded to state that she had not read any so she just asked her male friends if it was just boy’s stuff and they said that it was, thus proving they hadn’t read it, either. She rattled on for several more paragraphs but… seriously? That’s how a “professional journalist” covers an assignment? So now we have some nitwit over on the Guardian‘s blog pontificating on the lack of quality of Pratchett’s work which he says he hasn’t got time to waste actually reading it. I don’t know where these people come from.

(8) Jaythenerdkid on The Rainbow Hub –  “An Interview with Benjanun Sridaungkaew” (Original link no longer works. Google cache file available for the time being here.)

In a situation like this, leaving often seems like the best option. Certainly, Bee has cut back on her involvement with the SF/F community at large. But she’s determined to keep on doing what she loves and is passionate about.

“I plan to keep writing,” she says. “I don’t think of SF/F as a community any more so much as a subculture that shares an interest or hobby rather than a sense of community.

“A community that awards a trophy to a racist hit piece on me is not a community I’d want to belong to, but I like to think those people are not ‘all’ of the field and fortunately my experiences have lined up with that: there are sub-communities who aren’t part of that at all.”

(9) William Underhill in a comment on Mad Genius Club.

I also think the fact that File770’s posts are moderated and need to be approved, and posts here and on Mr. Torgersen’s blog are not, is thought-provoking.

Yes, it is.

(10) Add K. Tempest Bradford’s name to the list of those who have volunteered to host a short fiction rating site that would be handy for Hugo voters – “io9 Newsstand Has One Last Thing To Say About The Hugo Awards”

I have long felt that there’s a real need for spaces where people can get together and passionately discuss the short fiction they read. That having such a space would make it easier for readers to find more short stories they’ll like. A place where anyone can rate and review stories and also easily find write-ups by pro reviewers.

A Goodreads-type site for short fiction.

And before you ask: no, Goodreads itself wouldn’t be a great space for this. The company isn’t interested in adding individual short stories, and the few that are on there now are either shorts that were issued with ISBN numbers or put there by community librarians. We need a site and service that is committed to creating a database of short fiction, with the ability for signed-in users to rate and/or review that also pulls in links or review text from pro reviewers where they exist.

Having such a site could also make it easier for people to nominate for the Hugo Awards when that time comes around. As everybody knows, you don’t need to have read everything in order to nominate faithfully and well. You only have to nominate the best of what you’ve read. However, if you want to see what other folks have read and loved, you could just go to the list of short fiction published during the year, sort by highest rating, and read the top 10 or 15 or 20.

I would love to spearhead such a project. But: money. Anyone know a venture capitalist?

(11) Hey, I just came across this photo today.

https://twitter.com/GeekElite/status/635221497720664064

If you open the picture in large format, you can see John Scalzi is wearing the yellow “File 770, That Wretched Hive of Scum & Villainy” button he pinned on his lanyard just before the panel began.

[Thanks to Paul Weimer, Mark, David Doering, and John King Tarpinian for some of these links. Title credit belongs to File 770 contributing editor of the day Jeff Warner.]


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455 thoughts on “Pixel Scroll 9/4 The Scrolling Stones

  1. @paulcarp at 4:42 pm: “The cake is a lye.”

    (Also @Mark Dennehy)

    Surely, “The cake is a lyre”?

    All this talk of Puppies is making me mandolin.

    Shao Ping on September 5, 2015 at 3:41 pm said:
    Also, pointing out inconsistencies and a lack of any sort of self-awareness in JCW is like shooting fish in a barrel, but the opening of his latest. Man. And I do mean “Man” since apparently non-Puppies are all men.

    I note that Mr George RR Martin calls for a return to civility in the Sad Puppies debate (http://grrm.livejournal.com/440444.html). I welcome the idea and would not be displeased if the Puppykickers were men of such character as to be able to carry through with it.

    You can’t parody this stuff.

    Aaron at 3:52 pm:
    This goes back to one of BT’s original SP3 posts in which he said that Hugo voters were ignoring the comic book loving fans who were happily munching popcorn as they watched The Avengers. When people pointed out the fact that the Hugos have a Best Graphic Story category and voted The Avengers a Best Dramatic Presentation Hugo, BT hand-waved that away as irrelevant.

    But in a 100% open and democratic Sad Puppy 3 slate, included Zombie Nation as the sole Graphic Novel work. That really showed them.

    Also, w.r.t. to your comment about the Puppy leaders’ having little or no real connection to fandom, I would point out that there are many ways to be a fan that’s not limited to physical con attendance. It wouldn’t have mattered so much if they had bothered to get informed before launching their IMO misguided campaigns. I mean, I’m only peripherally involved in fandom myself, but thanks to the magic of The Internet it was trivial to get informed about the history of the Hugo awards.

    (Posting from 1829, apparently “The Oxford University Boat Club wins the first inter-university Boat Race”)

  2. I started to write that Donal Lunny plays an actual authentic Greek bouzouki, and not one of the new-ish crop of Anglo-Irish “bouzoukis”, but a Google image search shows him with what looks to my eye like a Stefan Sobell instrument, or one very similar to Sobell’s. Pulling out an old Planxty album, I see him playing what looks like a real bouzouki, and that’s the image that my faint memory provides from the one time he and I were both playing in the same informal session at an after-hours party at some folk festival in the 1970s.

  3. @redheadedfemme: [commercial voiceover] “And together they’re—the Son O’ God Squad, with real Wrath O’ Jehovah™ action! New for the 2015 Xmas shopping season!” [voiceover lowers a few deciBels, gets much faster] “Gethsemene Playset and Moneychangers Mania boardgame sold separately.”

  4. Also, w.r.t. to your comment about the Puppy leaders’ having little or no real connection to fandom, I would point out that there are many ways to be a fan that’s not limited to physical con attendance.

    I would agree, but no matter how you approach it, most of the Pups seem to have only minimal connection to fandom. Most of them seem to have an incredibly mercenary attitude towards fandom – looking to market their wares and little else.

    Con attendance is one marker of fandom. So is helping run cons. Or organizing fan activities. Or writing fan writing. Or supporting other fans. Or supporting other authors. Scalzi didn’t have a big history of going to cons before he got into publishing, and I don’t think he does much to help run them now. But he uses his platform to regularly highlight other authors, and uses his influence to raise charity, frequently for fan-related causes like Con or Bust. He’s involved.

    Contrast that with the various Pups. How much of themselves have they given to help others? How much have they used their influence to help support conventions, or to help support fan projects or charities? And no, the SP campaigns don’t count, as those have all been naked cronyism at best. Many of the Pups like Beale and Nelson have open contempt for fandom, while others like Correia and Torgersen seem to view fans as suckers to be fleeced.

  5. Soon Lee, I’m the one who brought up the Puppy leaders’ participation in fandom, in response to JCW’s assertion that “All of us have been … and involved in fandom at every level.” There’s nothing wrong with not having been actively involved in fandom, but that “involved … at every level” claim begs some evidence. I didn’t bring up just convention attendance — “at every level” implies to me that they’ve written for fanzines, or at least read some, and have worked as low-level volunteers in at least one amateur organization. I would not make the “involved in fandom at every level” claim about myself, even though I’ve been going to conventions since 1968, have been a member of multiple apas, have been a club member, have worked on countless conventions. But I’ve managed to avoid being in any kind of management-level position (not counting being stage manager for one Worldcon masquerade). Our host, Mike Glyer, is one of relatively few people I know who could legitimately make the claim to have been involved in fandom at every level. I’ve seen no evidence of any involvement at all in fandom by Correia, Torgersen, Wright, and Beale, prior to their attempts to rig the Hugo nomination process

  6. @Cubist

    Well now, we also need our Herod’s Temple, Garden of Gethsemane, and Skull of Golgotha Lego sets, don’t we?

    (I would also say a Special Commemorative Ark of the Covenant, but my super-duper Melt-Proof Raiders face shield hasn’t finished testing yet)

  7. T-shirts as books. Now that’s got to be a File770 uniform:
    http://www.litographs.com/collections/t-shirts

    They have really cool temporary literary tattoos also. I got a kick out of having my forehead read at Arisia in 2013 (2014? I hate hit by truck brain damage). People stopped by the table I worked at daily to see what my head said as I wore a different tattoo most days. It made for great conversations in the elevator and at parties.

  8. @redheadedfemme: Don’t worry—it’s only the Limited Collector’s Edition (very Limited…) Commemorative Ark of the Covenant that has the Genuine Face-Melting Action.

  9. Dawn Incognito on September 5, 2015 at 5:46 pm said:

    JCW is seeming more and more like brilliant performance art. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    The GG Allin of fantasy writing?

  10. Doctor Science:

    “Recently, I was asked what lutefisk tastes like, and I couldn’t say: for me it’s so strongly associated with like “Christmas Eve at Grandma’s house” that I can’t separate out the actual *taste*. I mean, I never actually *liked* it or anything, but it’s so traditional that I can’t say I don’t like, either.”

    I’m swedish, but lutefisk was never a part of our christmas tradition. I think that was for earlier generations, it is almost gone now. For some reason only americans that eat it. That said, I have helped cook it a few times while working in hospital kitchen.

    My memory is that it doesn’t really taste anything by itself. It is a mild taste that is more or less drowned out by the sauce. But the sauce (could be different kinds) is usually really good.

    I find it weird that americans took the lutefisk tradition instead of the rest of the very nice yulebord. Meatballs, sausages, ribs, pickled herring…

    This is my favourite video how on angry and carnivourous chefs will prepare a yulebord.

  11. @Cat: (semi-local cons)

    FSC is traditionally close to St. Patrick’s Day. Like Hallowcon – which is run by the same crew at the same venue – it’s a solid relaxacon that goes light on the programming (one track in a smallish room) but serves up a good spread. It is on the small side, though; Hallowcon (the weekend of or before Halloween) is the bigger event.

    TimeGate has evolved into a pretty slick hybrid between a fan convention and a focused media con. They usually bring in a couple of noteworthy Doctor Who guests per year; Katy Manning (“Jo Grant”) and Michelle Gomez (“Missy”) were the headliners this year, and I’ve met Terrance Dicks and Colin Baker there in the recent past. They’ve just switched hotels (as of the 2015 con), and my only complaint about the new digs is the lack of wifi in the function space. It seems the hotel likes to charge organizers Big Bucks for that.

  12. @Hampus Eckerman:

    My memory is that it doesn’t really taste anything by itself. It is a mild taste that is more or less drowned out by the sauce

    Or the aquavit. (Never been near the stuff.[1] Or surströmming, either.)

    ETA: Enough with the julbord. Unless you’re prepared to send one. You’re making me hungry.

    [1] I satisfied both of my wife’s parents’ main requirements in a suitor for their daughter: The Irish father said ‘Must like Tom Lehrer’, and the Swedish mother said ‘Must not like lutefisk.’ (Or lutfisk, in her case.)

  13. Guess on September 5, 2015 at 9:17 am said:

    @Kevin and anyone else who works on the Hugos. I understand why you chose to use Australian rules voting. However, it is confusing and easy for people to claim conspiracies. Did you consider approaches similiar to how sports leagues vote for MVPs or the Heisman trophy? I think you would get the same outcome and its easier to understand.

    No, it doesn’t work quite the same way, and in fact, Instant Runoff Voting (inaccurately called “Australian Rules Voting” because Australia is one of the countries that uses it — it’s also used in Ireland and in a number of US jurisdictions such as San Francisco and Oakland for their local races) isn’t a new innovation. It’s been in use since the 1960s. At this point, trying to change it would definitely be a greater change.

    Other people have addressed other reasons to not change the current system, including not wanting to introduce additional perverse incentives. No voting system is perfect (see Arrow’s Theorem), but IRV is the WSFS system for the final ballot, it is pretty well understood by the members who have been with the organization the longest (and in particular the ones most likely to vote on rules changes) and I don’t see us changing it anytime soon. Besides, the people most confused by it are the people who want to be confused. Of course they insist that it’s only because of IRV that they lost this year, but in fact, No Award would have won a first-past-the-post election in the five categories where it was the voters’ choice this year. (Anyone who understands the dynamics of a six-way IRV election understands just how overwhelming a decision that is; for two-thirds of the first-preference votes in a six-way race to be identical is a thundering endorsement of that choice over all of the others.)

  14. Kevin makes the practical point for IRV. I’ll make an ideological one, which is that the Hugos are not about constructing a league table of preference for different teams, they are about awarding a clear winner who has the clear support of a sufficient majority of the community. A points system gets murky; a single-vote system gives a clear answer.

    (There is a technical point as well: IRV is rather easier to implement in practice, particularly since people are used to it, and has fewer opportunities for human error to creep in than a points system.)

  15. Cubist:Bishounen Jesus

    Redheaddedfemme:Not to mention Hippie Jesus, Social Justice Warrior Jesus, and Mary Magdalene’s Husband Jesus.

    Combine these sets and you pretty much get the Jesus from Saint Young Men, complete with Buddha as a roommate. 🙂

  16. If you’re willing to branch from plucked string instruments to something else entirely, you might consider the Geigenwerk / Streichklavier or Viola Organista.

    Described by Leonardo da Vinci, imagine a keyboard instrument akin to a Harpsichord, but insted of plucking or striking the strings, it has a continuously moving “bow” (in a Geigenwerk/Viola Organista, this is a set of rotating discs) against which each string individually can be touched by pressing the corresponding key, giving a sound much like something from the violin family – but which can be played like any other keyboard instrument.

    A Japanese instrument builder, Akio Obuchi, built a few “Geigenwerk” as we as a “Streichklavier” (instead of rotating discs, this uses a moving belt) in the 1990s – here’s a video.

    Another was built in 2009 in New York and displayed as part of a Leonardo da Vinci exhibition.

    More recently a Polish instrument maker, S?awomir Zubrzycki, has built another Viola Organista that he calls “the first Concert Viola Organista”, which is soemtimes on tour and which is garnering a bit of attention; here’s an excellent video showing and explaining the instrument, their home page and their Kickstarter project to record a CD of music played on this instrument.

    (And incidentally I seem to be posting from 1995 – just about when Akio Obuchi had been working on the instruments in question!)

  17. @Rev Bob

    To be honest there’s a bit of that in there too. It’s a pretty easy going slice of life comedy.

  18. @Kevin Standlee

    By referencing Arrow’s Theorem you have made this mathematician’s heart swell with pride.

  19. RedWombat — your short play was beautiful and almost made me miss my bus because paulcarp stopped to read the first part to me. Then I red the second part on the bus and laughed out loud on public transportation.

    On lutefisk, my Swedish great-grandmother never served it, so I didn’t even know about it until it was too late to ask her why not. So now I kind of like to imagine that getting as far away from lutefisk as possible was exactly why she moved to California.

  20. Pingback: Amazing Stories | AMAZING NEWS OF FANDOM: 9/6/2015 - Amazing Stories

  21. Can’t believe I’m delurking again for lutefisk.

    I live in Minnesota, which as I understand it is pretty much ground zero for holiday lutefisk consumption. The descendants of the Swedish and Norwegians who settled the place continue to serve it every year. I am not a Minnesota native, but having lived here for nearly 20 years, I have of course tried it. I didn’t like it, but because of the texture (think fishy jello), not the flavor, which was mild and inoffensive. I think Hampus is right that an especially delicious sauce would help.

    Anyway, the yulebord is a thing here, too. There a many opportunities during the holiday season to partake of one, as a number of churches and cultural organizations host them.

  22. In Wisconsin, the other allegedly Norwegian food that people brought into work sometimes was lefsa. Which I like.

    Can’t say I’m a fan of lutefisk (although I don’t remember the sauces served with it).

  23. In that case, I’d like to have MRK read my sonnets, and would love it if Janis Ian would deign to sing my version of “Me and Hugo Squee”.

    Oh, lordy, if Janis Ian agreed to sing the filks for an audio version….!

  24. So what is a relaxacon? I’m thinking one or both of the Dalton ones might be cool, and a way to meet at least one other 770-er.

  25. Michael Eochaidh:

    Lefsa is good stuff! You make lefsarolls with butter, mashed potatoes, hot dogs and shrimpsallad.

    Rick Moen:

    I’m coming to Worldcon in Kansas City, so I can bring small bottles of different types of aquavit. 😉

  26. A relaxacon is a convention with little or no programming, and if there is programming it’s more likely to be a guide to area brewpubs or a trivia game/quiz than a more serious panel discussion. What you get is a hospitality suite, a restaurant guide, and maybe a hotel pool to hang out around.

    A relaxacon may not be a good first con, because it’s missing some of the opportunities to start conversations that you get at other cons. You can’t go to a panel and talk to someone else about it afterwards if there are no panels, and they tend to be small and low-key enough that there aren’t a lot of volunteer tasks/slots. The last relaxacon I went to had, I think, one or two people running the hospitality suite, and one person doing registration (who mostly sat behind a table, chatting with people who passed by, and sold a few at-the-door memberships).

  27. I think what my wife would enjoy even more than a relaxation would be a spa con, where you get spa treatments then laze around drinking cool drinks and talking about SF. Or possibly where you talk about SF during the spa treatments.

    Or mystery novels, or episodes of BONES, or gluten-free pizza crust. As long as there’s spa treatments and cold drinks.

  28. @Hampus: *If* I remember correctly (which is always in doubt) the people I worked with tended to serve things like yogurt and fruit with lefsa. I’m not sure if that’s a Norwegian spin on things or a Norwegian-American spin (or my own bad memory).

  29. My con experience consists mainly of Dragoncon and one Doctor Who convention back in the 80s, put on by that company that used to do all the conventions. I think it was a one day thing and mostly about the dealers room. I didn’t know anything about cons at that time other than I liked Doctor Who and the convention said it was about Doctor Who.

    I get overwhelmed by Dragoncon and usually go to a handful of the BIG panels and spend the rest of my time in fan panels or in the backwater areas around all the author and comics events. D*C still has plenty of non media programming but the media related stuff gets all the attention.

    This year I have had to skip Dragoncon, partly due to finances, partly because I wasn’t that excited about the guests. Maybe next year, but if I have to choose just one, it’s gonna be Worldcon.

  30. think what my wife would enjoy even more than a relaxation would be a spa con, where you get spa treatments then laze around drinking cool drinks and talking about SF. Or possibly where you talk about SF during the spa treatments.

    I like the sounds of this. SFF, spa treatments, good food, and cool drinks. I can see it now panels being given to a room full of people getting massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures. Kaffeeklatsches held in the hot tub, sauna, or poolside. Panels given during early morning tai chi – topics include martial arts in books. What a fantastic idea. Hmm I should suggest this to Espionage Cosmetics – makeup for geeks of all genders.

    This con idea coming to you from 7369 where relaxation is is starting to make a comeback.

  31. NOT that y’all were going there with this, nor anywhere near there, BUT…

    I’m uncomfortably reminded of when Gen Con used to have a “programming track” of spa-type stuff, and feminine-coded crafts, etc. that was billed as “For The Other Half.” If that’s not an exact quote, it’s pretty dang close. It communicated a clear assumption that if any women were at The Best Five Days In Gaming, it was only because our men had dragged us there, and so they needed to provide us with stereotypically ladyfolk stuff to keep us occupied.

    Even worse? The logo for that track’s events in the programming book? I shit you not: a ball and chain.

    (To be fair, I only remember that being around the first year I went, which was some… seven years ago? or more? I forget. In any case, the next year, they had totally rebranded those offerings away from such blatant gender assumptions. And they changed the logo.)

    When John and I were done facepalming and eyerolling over it enough to be amused by it, we remarked that they really were missing the mark in our case. He’s the one into manicures and chocolate, after all. Meanwhile, I clip my nails off down to the quick regularly and don’t touch make-up except under protest.

    (We were once on holiday on Maui, and he wanted to get his nails done. So we went to the spa and he picked an offering from the treatment menu or whatever you call it. “And for you, ma’am?” they asked me. Sez I, “Nah, I’ll be in the bar watching football.” I will treasure the look on their faces forever.)

    Anyway, really appreciating y’all specifying “geeks of all genders” as the target of this hypothetical spa-oriented relax-a-con. I may not be the ideal attendee, but I do indeed know geeks of all genders who’d get a kick out of it.

  32. I like the sounds of this. SFF, spa treatments, good food, and cool drinks. I can see it now panels being given to a room full of people getting massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures. Kaffeeklatsches held in the hot tub, sauna, or poolside. Panels given during early morning tai chi – topics include martial arts in books. What a fantastic idea. Hmm I should suggest this to Espionage Cosmetics – makeup for geeks of all genders.

    I mentioned SPA CON (er, SPA FON CON?) to Ann, here in the year 5165, and she said, “Oh, I would _so_ go to that!”

    She wouldn’t go if the logo was a ball and chain, though. That would be Right Out.

  33. So, uh, would now be a good time to mention that although Osento has closed, Archimedes Banya is still a San Francisco option? (Have not been there yet, although I want to.)

  34. Even worse? The logo for that track’s events in the programming book? I shit you not: a ball and chain.

    No just no. That’s just plain wrong.

    I was picturing guys/gals/gender fluid on those massage tables, getting pedis & manis. We’d certainly have to have a track for the more active fans – speed walking panels, some normal panels just more laid back, fencing practice for “writing fighting scenes”. You know mix things up a bit. But no gender expectations other than all welcome. 😀

  35. @Hampus: Oh how sad, thanks – that was great!

    I read way too many web comics nowadays…and File770 comments…. 😉

  36. (Goes up to mountain without internet for the weekend*. Returns.)
    (Reads RedWombat’s hysterical play.)
    (Reads note before it.)
    “Because I spent the afternoon moving half a ton of stone around in the garden, I had time to come up with this…”

    >>Look around.
    You are a comedic playwright. You are in your apartment in southern California. To the north is your living room wall. To the east, much farther, is RedWombat’s house.

    >>Get stone.
    There is no stone here.

    >>Get garden.
    There is no garden here.

    >>Go to RedWombat’s house.
    After a journey of thousands of miles, you are at RedWombat’s house!

    >>Look.
    You are at RedWombat’s house. You can see 1,000 pounds of stone and a garden.

    >>Pick up stone.
    You now have 1,000 pounds of stone!

    >>PIck up garden.
    You now have a garden!
    Would you like to leave a note for Redwombat? [Y/N]

    >>N
    Are… are you sure? [Y/N]

    >>YYYYY.
    Okay. You are at RedWombat’s house. You have 1,000 pounds of stone and a garden.

    >>Go home.
    You have somehow successfully carried 1,000 pounds of stone and an entire garden back to California.

    >>Eagerly await brilliant comedic plays to flow out.
    Um, that’s not how it works.

    >>SHUT UP TEXT-BASED GAME I MADE YOU AND I CAN UNMADE YOU.
    Message received. You are now generating more brilliant comedic plays. Please do not delete me.

    >>Phone rings. It’s a [state RedWombat lives in] area code.
    IGNORE.

    >>Text message from area code: “Hi. Um… do you know where my garden went?”
    THROW PHONE AWAY.

    (that’s all I got for now.)

  37. Greg:

    >>Text message from area code: “Hi. Um… do you know where my garden went?”
    THROW PHONE AWAY.

    (that’s all I got for now.)

    Awesome!

  38. @Hampus Eckerman

    I’m coming to Worldcon in Kansas City, so I can bring small bottles of different types of aquavit.

    You are a gentleman, a scholar, and a tippler of distinction, sir. (Here in the Alta California desert, we make due with Linie.)

    Re: lefse: I’ve been known to describe it to the uninitiated as almost like Scandinavian latkes. Never tried apple sauce on mine, though.

    ETA: When I said ‘never went near the stuff’, I didn’t mean aquavit, but rather the embalmed codfish.

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