By Danny Sichel [Reprinted from WARP 102, the zine of the Montreal Science Fiction / Fantasy Association]
Q: Why did Vernor Vinge cross the road?
A: I’m sorry, I could never explain it to you. You only have human-level intelligence.
Q: Why did H. P. Lovecraft cross the road?
A: I must not tell you, for the knowledge itself would drive you mad. Mad, I tell you. MAD.
Q: Why did C.S. Lewis cr–
Q: Why did C. S. Lewis cross the road?
A: It’s part of an elaborate allegory in which C. S. Lewis represents mankind, the road represents life, and the act of crossing represents embracing Christianity.
Q: Why did Harry Turtledove cross the road?
A: There’s an infinite number of answers for this question – one per timeline.
Q: Why did Isaac Asimov cross the road?
A: That’s actually a very interesting question, and I’m going to use it as the basis for this 30-page essay on the history of humor.
Q: Why did Philip K. Dick cross the road?
A: Are you sure he did? Are you sure there was ever a road here? Are you sure there was ever any such person as “Philip K. Dick” ?
Q: Why did Gene Wolfe cross the road?
A: Although it might seem as if I’ve left this question unanswered, if you carefully examine the previous five issues of WARP you will discover a series of subtle clues.
Q: Why did George R. R. Martin cross the road?
A: I’ve got a really great answer for this one. It’ll be ready by the end of next year. Well, two years. Three at the most, I swear.
Q: Why did Douglas Adams cross the road?