Hallmark Rolls Out 2016 Ornaments


In California this year’s Christmas trees are still standing on hillsides in hundred degree heat, waiting for firefighting airplanes to cover them in season-appropriate red fire retardant.

Hallmark, on the other hand, believes midsummer is the perfect time to sell fans collectible tree ornaments. You can buy them beginning July 9.

Profit is always the “reason for the season,” and in 2016 Hallmark’s golden touch is symbolized by the Star Trek™ U.S.S. Enterprise™ 50th Anniversary Edition Musical Ornament. Only $32.95.

Based on the series’ pilot episode, this gold-hued Enterprise ornament lets you hear Captain Kirk’s monologue and the iconic music from the opening credits of the Star Trek TV series!


However, the prize-winner for Clashing Most With The Holiday Spirit prize is Star Trek “The Man Trap” Kirk and Salt Monster Ornament With Sound” — which plays the horrific dialogue from this scene. (You can listen at the link.) Though wouldn’t George Clayton Johnson have been amused to see his script adapted as a tree ornament? I suspect so. Price $29.95.


Nor has Hallmark fallen behind in exploiting that other huge science fiction franchise. Consider this Star Wars™: The Force Awakens™ Han Solo™ Ornament, highly affordable at $15.95, perhaps because it barely looks anything at all like Harrison Ford.


Far more collectible is the Star Wars ™: A New Hope ™ Royal or Rebel? Vader and Leia Ornament With Sound:

In a show of bravery and defiance, Princess Leia Organa™ claims to be on a diplomatic mission, but Darth Vader™ knows she is part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Relive this memorable scene with stunning detail and sound at the push of a button.


Also, Star Wars: The Force Awakens T-70 X-Wing™ Fighter Ornament With Sound, the most heavily trademarked Christmas decoration in the arsenal.

Go in full throttle! With its double-layered wings in the open “X” position, Poe Dameron’s Resistance starfighter is ready to face the forces of the evil First Order. Authentic movie battle sounds put you right in the middle of the action.


Fans of other movies better watch out, they better not cry, because the Alien Queen from Aliens Ornament is coming to town.

This extraterrestrial queen became one of the most iconic aliens in sci-fi film history. Now, she can be yours in the safest way possible—hanging from your Christmas tree.


Then there’s Captain America: Civil War Team Captain America Ornament, an image so heroic it needs Cap’s name in there twice.


And the pinnacle of this year’s line is the Star Wars™ Death Star Tree Topper With Lights for $99.95. I know seeing that made me want to say the savior’s name, if not in a reverent way.

That’s no moon—it’s the ultimate tree topper for any Star Wars™ fan. Expertly crafted to resemble the Empire’s armored space station, this Death Star’s design won’t pull you in with a tractor beam, but it will capture your attention with its awesome light and sound features! Included remote control features the iconic Imperial insignia crest. Learn more about Keepsake Ornaments….


As for sound, not “O, Little Town of Bethlehem” or even “We Three Kings of Orient Are”:

Press button on remote control (included) to see Death Star™ illuminate and hear the Star Wars: Main Title and The Imperial March….

18 thoughts on “Hallmark Rolls Out 2016 Ornaments

  1. Christmas as a holiday gets more secular every year. This is the true war on Christmas… Each year moves us a little closer to the future envisioned by Happy Birthday Dear Jesus by Frederick Pohl.

    Okay, enough with the grumpy stuff, my first question is how good is the sound quality on the ornaments? If I’m paying 30 bucks, I don’t want little tinny sound that will break the very first Christmas you use it.

    One of the houses that I pass every morning walking the dog has a Death Star Gazing Ball in their front garden. I never see them so I don’t know if they bought it or if they repurposed something meant for display elsewhere.

  2. Because nothing says “Christmas” like a monster attempting to painfully kill a guy.

    Maybe a thousand years from now, the nativity story will have morphed to the point that Harod sends out a salt monster to kill all the infant males? Fortunately, Joseph and family use a transwarp device and escape to Q’onoS…

  3. Han Solo looks like Ted Cruz doing cosplay as Han Solo – which I find oddly appealing. It should be a new Christmas story in which politicians re-enact the Star Wars Christmas special to remind people that things really could be more awful.

  4. Before anyone gets too excited about Princess Leia Organa™ she’s interrupted by a man mid-sentence and put under arrest. They couldn’t find a positive line for a Princess Leia Organa™ ornament? Isn’t Xmas supposed to be a time of love and joy even in the secular sense? My family* has always celebrated it as at least pretend to be happy and joyful. Why would anyone want a downer ornament?

    When she doesn’t sell well do you think it will be blamed on: men don’t like female ornaments? @_@

    *I’m a Jewish convert (at 30) so I grew up with Xmas and many years I still help my mom prepare our traditional cookies and the meal which is now partly kosher so I can eat with them

  5. I’m torn about this. On the one hand, I don’t really think that monsters belong on a Christmas tree, on the other hand some of those geeky ornaments make me sad that Hallmark Christmas ornaments are not available in Germany.

  6. In California this year’s Christmas trees are still standing on hillsides in hundred degree heat, waiting for firefighting airplanes to cover them in season-appropriate red fire retardant.

    May there be few fires in CA this year. Fire season is tragic for the trees, animals, and people.

  7. The Cap ornament is actually pretty good. He’s a hero and a Christian.

    Of course if Cap were real, he’d be so embarrassed about being a Christmas tree ornament that he’d probably have contracts forbidding it. His personal tree has an angel on top, and traditional ornaments, though he’s practical enough to have modern lights instead of the old ones where if one bulb goes out, they all do. He cuts it down himself every December.

    I think I just fanfic’d.

    PS I have a spare shuttlecraft Galileo from about 20 years ago. Spock talks when you push a button. Willing to sell.

  8. I’m still traumatized from the Horta ornament a few years ago that had NO KILL I on it.

  9. @Tasha Turner: Would it really have been better to have a Leia ornament that said “Happy Life Day!”?

  10. @David Goldfarb
    Yes? Was it her only line in the movie*? It so, they could’ve picked something from an earlier movie. Seriously a male villian arresting a heroine is NOT Xmas ornament material. This should be obvious to anyone over the age of 8 who knows what Christmas. To be clear I’m not insulting fans who buy it but the marketing sooper genius who came up with it.

    *I haven’t seen since car accident messed my brain and movies, TV, YouTube are painful to watch

  11. @World Weary

    We have both a Hallmark Godzilla and a Mecha-Godzilla ornament. Somewhat tinny sound but they have held up over a number of years. The roars generally get played when they go on the tree and off it. This includes playing by a button obsessed toddler for part of that time, so breakage of the sound component probably isn’t an issue.

  12. Since Christmas Trees are pagan symbols, I’m a bit amused any “Christian” should get bent out of shape because the ornaments aren’t sacred enough.

    (Though the Salt Monster ornament does have McCoy asking the Lord’s forgiveness.)

  13. Craig Miller: All good Lutherans know the Christmas tree per se — a tree cut down, brought into the house, and decorated with candles — was an invention of Martin Luther. Despite that, and despite the certainty that someone who loved to lecture folks around his table as much as Luther did might have attached some lesson to it, even among Lutherans it’s mainly a decoration. Most good decorators would understand, however, that human-devouring monsters are not a symbol consistent with the purpose of the decor… (Darned if those three dots haven’t shown up again.)

  14. I bought the Hallmark shuttlecraft, but for wargaming, not for the tree… though I would totally put up godzilla, Mechagodzilla, Ghidorah and all the other kaiju, just to balance my wife’s octopus ornaments…

  15. @Tasha Turner:
    “Happy Life Day!” was not quite Leia’s only line in the… rightfully treated as a joke Star Wars Holiday Special. There was, after all, the song Carrie Fisher sang as well.

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