Alien in the Family Tree

alien-root-1795qxi2783_1470_1Hallmark likes to market its bizarre Christmas tree ornaments with the phrase “What better way…” Their focus groups must tell them the phrase works magic on customers, triggers them to think, “What better way for me to spend every waking moment, than figuring out reasons to give Hallmark money?”

For example —

What better way to commemorate the 35th anniversary of the science fiction thriller Alien, than to put the film’s frightening “Xenomorph” on your tree. You may even introduce a new generation of fans to this spine-chilling cult classic and its sequels.

This hideous piece of work is 4 inches tall and almost 4 inches wide; it is not going to be overlooked on the family tree. When the relatives stop in to admire the decorations they’re going to think that’s the world’s biggest Jerusalem cricket on the branch and start screaming for a can of Raid.

Yet in spite of my own peevish response this is a people-pleasing item. Among the product reviews on Amazon the only criticism I saw (if you can call it that) was that the ornament doesn’t also make a noise!

I won’t rate it lower stars for this because I knew when I bought the item, but I wish that it had been one that had sound. The hissing noise would have been fantastic but it’s still very neat.

In fact, so many people have already ordered their own Xenomorph ornament. Hallmark says it’s out of stock online and they’re advising people to call local stores to check availability.

1 thought on “Alien in the Family Tree

  1. Bringing my mind to recall an old joke, “Billy’s been bad this year. He’s going to get a Chucky doll.”

    Hey, they might make neat ornaments too.

    I suspect a vast untapped Addams family influence.

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