[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]

CRAMMING THE MACRO INTO MICROFICTION

Hello, All! Melanie here.

Last week, we learned about Demonkitty’s long anticipated show at Mr. Morgan’s new sushi counter. With Writer X’s focus on boosting Demonkitty’s burgeoning music career, there’s been little news of any writing getting done!

Without further ado…

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Subject: MICROVACATION, HERE I COMES!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Gladys,

I am writing to ask that you water my exploding gerbils while I’m away, but watch out for Miffy, she bites.

Since Demonkitty’s show last week at the sushi counter was an unparalleled success, my boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, and I are taking what’s known as a Microvacation to celebrate before Demonkitty’s big show at the tractor haul next week. We’re going to a ghost hotel in Bleakwood for the night!!!! This is going to be so relaxing!!!!

I have so many things planned: water aerobics, bowling, astral massage, and a special tuba playing workshop for the undead!!! Just some light activity for the first two hours after our arrival. You see, it’s a microvacation, Gladsy, you have to fit MORE in less time.

Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. Well, I went to a meeting of the Ink Black Coffee Club Critique Group and it turns out no one in our writing group has gotten any real writing done since NaNoMochaChocaLatte.

After some reflection, we all discovered that we’re feeling very unrecognized for all our hard work as writers. See, that’s the thing about writing Galdsy, you can pour hours and hours and HOURS into a half finished rough draft and no one throws a parade!!! The conditions under which writers must toil before anyone says boo are ABSOLUTELY INHUMANE!!!!!

But I digress. We’ve all decided that the thing that will give us both the writing recognition we feel we deserve AND give us motivation to write is to release a microfiction anthology.

Now Gladys, I know you’re not a writer and the ways of writing are very hard for nonwriters like yourself to decipher—hang on, Miffy is chewing off her brother Milton’s ear.

As I was saying,

Well. There went Milton. Just a pile of ash. Good thing I still have Miffy, Gordon, Mango, Mitsy, and Jordan Peterson’s Ego!!!! And even better that you’ll be coming over to keep them watered while I’m away living my best life for the next 20 hours!!!!!!

As I was saying. The ways of writing are hard for nonwriters to decipher and so I’m sure you have never heard of microfiction. Microfiction is a form of flash fiction that ranges from 100 – 500 words. This means it’s EXTREMELY EASY to write and I already know I’m going to be AMAZING at this.

Usually when I write a story that’s long, I run out of ideas about ninety pages in. BUT since our critique group has set the limit to 300 words, this is going to be a WALK IN THE PARK.

Hang on. Mitsy has set fire to my suitcase and three of my duvets. No one could have seen that coming!!!!!!

…Probably shouldn’t let the exploding gerbils run around on our bed. 

Anyhoo, where was I? Right!!!! 300 words is going to be incredibly easy and I have NO SHORTAGE OF IDEAS. This microfiction is going to be all things to all people!!!! It’s going to have high magic, betrayal, vampire sex, AND the sudden revelation that an orphan is the child of the prophecy. IT’s going to have thrilling dialogue, at least twelve elves, an epic battle, and a scene in a fishing village that will REALLY drive home my theme about the human connection to our grandfathers.

Gladys, I’m so excited!!!! This is going to be my next published work!!!

Goodbye, Mango. You lived as you loved; pooping uncontrollably and chewing through discarded paper towel rolls.

To celebrate my coming success, I’m going to add hang gliding and learning German to my microvacation. There’s absolutely nothing that can rain on my parade!!!!!!

Miffy just bit off Jordan Peterson’s Ego’s tail.

Eh. He didn’t need it.

Now I just have to figure out two things: how to fit my hang gliding equipment into my carry-on suitcase AND how to fit an epic battle into three words!!!!! EPIC BATTLE TAKES TWO!!!!!

You’re coming to the show at the tractor haul, right????

Pages next week, Galdsy!!!!! KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON YOUR FINGERS!!!!!

xox,

X

WROTE

TWO NEW

SONGS

THIS

WEEK.

THAT

WAY

WE’LL

HAVE

MORE

THAN

THREE

SONGS TO

PLAY

AT THE

TRACTOR

HAUL.

ONE’S

CALLED

“MEOW”

AND

THE

OTHER

ONE IS

“MEOW

MEOW.”

“MEOW

MEOW”

IS

GENIUS.