By Skye Kingsbury: A report on Nutella. Nutti,  and Fabalous Orange Hazelnut and Cocoa Spread.

All three spreads were served at room temperature on Ritz crackers. Lulu participated under protest.

First up: Nutti, a hazelnut spread with cocoa and milk.

The consistency is really thick. It doesn’t melt easily in my mouth. It is sticking to everything. I’ll have to wipe my mouth clean afterwards. It coats the roof of my mouth. It’s very chocolately. It’s not overbearingly sweet but I couldn’t eat much of this before it got to be too much.

It’s very smooth. Very rich. It is sweet. It’s got the consistency of shea butter lotion. It’s nice. I’d eat this. It would be excellent on toast but not as a sandwich. Then it would be too much.

The Nutti has more cocoa powder than Nutella. You can see the palm oil separating in the Nutti. It’s got less emulsifiers. It’s also got less calories per serving than the Nutella.

Second: Genuine Nutella.

Real Nutella is much sweeter than the Nutti. It’s cloying. The vanilla doesn’t taste real. It tastes off. The Nutella tastes more artificial than the Nutti. I taste the hazelnuts much more in the Nutella than the Nutti. It’s not as chocolatey as the Nutti. It’s much thicker than the Nutti. It’s almost unpleasant. I’ll eat the Nutti. I used to like Nutella as a kid but I can’t eat it anymore. The fake vanilla is so strong, it burns the back of my throat.

Third: Fabalous Orange Hazelnut and Cocoa Spread with 32% chickpeas.

I had to stir the separated oil and work it into an even consistency so be forewarned when you open the jar. Like a nut butter, it will separate!

It’s much gooier and a darker color, more like melted chocolate. It smells heavily of orange. The orange notes are prominent enough I can taste them. The cocoa is strong, with hazelnut undertones. I can taste a bit of salt. It isn’t as smooth and creamy as the other two, but I like it.

This is also nowhere near as sweet as the other two. It contains half the sugar of the other two and you can tell. It’s more like semi-sweet. It is insanely gooey. The inside of my mouth is coated with chickpea spread. It’s very good but the texture is noticeable. It’s not humus, but you’ll see the difference between this and the other two. It’s heavy.

Surprisingly, of the three, I like the chickpea spread the best. I expected this one — which claims to be vaguely healthier — to be the worst but it was the tastiest.

The Nutella is too sweet and too artificial. It’s way worse than I remember from eating it when I was a kid. Maybe it’s the fake vanilla giving it a plastic-y aftertaste.

The Nutti is better than Nutella.

On a scale of one to ten, the Fabalous Orange Hazelnut chickpea spread is an 8. The Nutti is a 6. The Nutella — which I expected to adore all over again — is a 4. It’s too sweet and the more I taste it, the less I like it.

If you’re not a fan of super-sweet, the chickpea spread is superior. If you spread it on bread, you probably won’t object to the not-quite humus texture the way you might when you eat it straight from the jar.