[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA. Find her in her virtual home at coldwildeyes.com. Wipe your feet before entering.]

A MENU FOR SFF WRITERS (YES, STILL BEGGING THE QUESTION)

Hello All! Melanie here.

Writer X has been working hard these last few weeks at a rather innovative way of meeting her writing goals. Writer X believed that her boyfriend Tod had broken up with her in what appears to be a series of miscommunications and gnome-involved accidents.

She’s been determined to win him back—not only does she love him, but X has also discovered that when he’s around, she feels like writing. And yet when Tod emailed her asking her to meet him for dinner at Fish! Fish! Fish!, the restaurant they visited on their first date, X postponed her date to pursue a brainwashing device to blast her boyfriend’s brains back into their original condition.

Somewhere in there, she was kidnapped. All of this is part of a grand plan to write more while not writing at all. There are many ways to reach your writing goals. Apparently, X prefers to distract her goals, bludgeon them with a billy club to creep up on them while they reel from the shock.

Without further ado…

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Subject: NEW MENU!!!!

Dear Gladys,

I’m just getting ready for my dinner at Fish! Fish! Fish! with my ex-boyfriend, award-nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins. Did you see the new menu there? They just posted it online. Sharing it because I know how much you like barracuda and Kurt Vonnegut!!!

I wonder what dish they would recommend for the next big epic fantasy writer of all time??

Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. Well you’ll find out next week!!!

xox,

X

P.S. I have taken care of the gnome situation. Sort of.

HAVE BEEN

LEANING

VEGETARIAN

LATELY.

WONDER

WHAT I

COULD EAT

FROM THIS

MENU. NOT

THAT

I WAS

INVITED.