Doctor How, Cousin of You-Know-Who

“Sorry, what did you say? Did you mention “the rules”? Now listen, bit of advice – tell me the truth if you think you know it, lay down the law if you’re feeling brave! But, Daleks – never, ever, tell me the rules!”  Doctor Who in The Time of the Doctor Christmas Special

By Carl Slaughter: Why should Doctor Who have all the fun with the Timey Wimey thing. Let his cousin Doctor How fight aliens and save the universe. Throw Doctor When and Doctor Where into the mix. No doubt more sequels will follow. And who, yes who, will British author Mark Speed use next to parody The Doctor? Surely Doctor What, Doctor Which, and, in the grand finale against the Derelicts, Doctor Why. Yes, but can they reverse the polarity of the neutron flow?  And where is my jelly baby? Shut up K-9…



What if the BBC had the wrong story? What if Doctor Who had family? For fifty years, it is Doctor How who has held the line against the forces of darkness and bureaucratic incompetence. Illegal aliens try to hack How’s Spectrel (TARDIS is a very rude word where he comes from), just as he suspects his estranged cousin Where has been compromised.  When reports come in of mysterious attacks by alien creatures, Doctor How has to rely on his new assistant Kevin, a petty criminal from south London, and Trinity, a morphing super-predator, as he counters this threat to humanity’s existence.  His efforts are hampered by bungling agents from MI16, desperate to capture the Time Keepers’ technology. Can Doctor How keep ahead of MI16, save Where, and combat the alien threat?



Something ate the Rindan consul and her husband alive. And now it’s eating humans… The extraterrestrial diplomatic community blames Doctor How. He and his assistants try to deal with the alien threat quietly, but events spiral out of control when the MI6 headquarters and US embassy come under attack. Meantime, Doctor How’s cousin When has neglected to tell him about a far greater danger, which threatens to destroy the power of the Time Keepers. Doctor How, his assistant Kevin, and morphing alien superpredator Trinity must exterminate the vermin and find out who’s behind the plot to neutralise the power of the Time Keepers. Can they do it whilst keeping one step ahead of MI6, the Metropolitan Police and a crack unit of US Navy SEALs?

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2 thoughts on “Doctor How, Cousin of You-Know-Who

  1. This looks slightly less amusing than a colonoscopy.

    In any case, there’s already an established parody, written by Steven Moffat and airing later this month on BBC1.

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