Hallmark rolls out its latest line of Keepsake Ornaments every year in mid-July, and maybe with the current triple-digit heat here in LA it is welcome to think about the winter holidays.

WHAT CHILD IS THIS? He doesn’t have green sleeves but he does have green hands: “Star Wars: The Mandalorian™ Grogu’s Jetpack Adventure Ornament”.

Featuring Din Djarin in his jetpack carrying Grogu, this decoration is a great reminder of the pair’s journey to the hilltop Seeing Stone, where the mysterious youngling channels the Force in hopes of contacting a Jedi.

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. Hallmark always comes up with an ornament that completely baffles me why anybody would want it on their Christmas tree. In 2023 it is: “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi™ Jabba the Hutt™ Ornament With Sound and Motion”. (And it’s sold out! What does that tell you about our fallen world…)

One of the galaxy’s most powerful gangsters, Jabba the Hutt, captivated the imaginations of Star Wars fans in 1983’s Return of the Jedi. Relive the magic of the movie’s practical effects with this captivating Christmas tree ornament that features the vengeful slug-like alien on his dais, complete with his pet Kowakian monkey-lizard, Salacious B. Crumb. Press the button to experience animatronic motion as Jabba delivers original dialogue from the film (battery-operated).

You can get the barge he rode in on, too: “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi™ Jabba’s Sail Barge, The Khetanna™ Ornament With Sound”.

Jabba the Hutt used his luxury sail barge to visit Tatooine’s Sarlacc pit, where Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca were to be publicly executed. This Christmas tree ornament depicts that massive transport, the Khetanna, from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. 

I’LL BE DIPPED. On the other hand, even if I don’t have a Christmas tree, I can barely restrain myself from ordering the “Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back™ Into the Carbon-Freezing™ Chamber Ornament With Light, Sound and Motion”. The ornament plays out the entire scene including an ending that swaps Han Solo for a popsicle version of himself.

As part of Darth Vader’s attempt to capture Luke Skywalker in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Han Solo served as both bait and test subject for the carbon-freezing process. This Christmas tree ornament depicts the emotional scene on Cloud City, which culminates in Han and Leia’s iconic profession of love and Han’s encasement in carbonite. The dynamic decoration features LED lights for a constant glow. Push the button to see a synchronized sound and light performance, complete with motion, as the Rebel heroes face an uncertain fate. 

And this YouTube video shows the ornament’s complete performance.

STAR TREK SJW CREDENTIAL. Hallmark doesn’t neglect the other famous sff franchises – or cat lovers. “Star Trek™: The Next Generation Data’s Ode to Spot Ornament With Sound”.

“O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.” A poetic musing to a beloved pet cat as only the android Data could compose—and then recite aloud to his “U.S.S. Enterprise” crewmates as seen in “Schisms,” an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Add vivid verse to your holiday with this Christmas tree ornament that plays dialogue from the show…

WHEN YOU NEED AN EXTRA HAND. He’s not heavy, he’s my starship. “Star Trek™ The Hand of Apollo Ornament”.

Stardate 3468.1—Near the planet Pollux III, the “U.S.S. Enterprise” is held dead in space by a massive energy field shaped as a human hand. Captain Kirk and the Enterprise crew find themselves captives of a being who claims to be the Greek god Apollo. This Christmas tree ornament depicts the iconic opening scene from the original “Star Trek” series episode “Who Mourns for Adonais?” For an otherworldly display, insert the bulb of a standard miniature light string through the rubber grommet on the ornament to create a special lighting effect.

THE WHOLE RIDE ON YOUR TREE. And in the “Haunted Mansion Collection” there’s a slew of ornaments that pay tribute to scenes in the Disneyland ride that inspired the movie.