A round-table conversation of the Elemental Smart-Alec Club, planetary day 7928
Rick ven Fleerbo: I guess you have all heard that them there Anti-Sulphurists are trying to Going-Away me. I am not sure what imagined grief they have with me, this time. Probaby as made-up as everything else they’ve chased me for.
John ven Fengsler: I hear you. I have seen it myself. There’s been many LoCs that have tried to make you a Persion Without Grater in the literary magazines.
Anna min Scorch: I cannot believe the things they make up. Chasing after innocent Sulphurists for no reason what-so-ever. We should write angry Letters of Comment, denouncing all Going-Awayists!
RvF: Yes. It is all so bad.
A Letter of Comment, published in Smelly Compounds
Venus, planetary day 7931, from the pen of Anna min Scorch
We need to do something! As late as yesterday, my oldest child arrived home from school, telling me that they’re forced to study hydro-carbons in chemistry class! Hydro! Carbons! Not a single pure yellow atom of Sulphur in that! Only icky hydrogen and dirty dirty carbon!
Please, fellow Artistes. Join me in a letter-writing campaign to have my oldest child’s chemistry teacher fired! It is for a good cause! These things must not be tolerated! Something must be DONE!
Trigger Snowflake walked down the Main Street of Fort Corallium, doffing his hat towards, and greeting, his fellow citizens. It had been a quiet few weeks. Not much happening, locally. In the larger Solar System, however, things were not as quiet as they could be. The Saturn Federation had been making noise about the moons of Uranus. To the point of sending liner ships into Uranian orbit.
No matter, Trigger’s responsibility was Fort Corallium, not the system at large. However, other members of the Sheriff’s Union may end up in trouble because of it.
He tried, as much as he could, leave these intrusive thoughts behind him, as he was just about to finish off a day of patrolling the neighbourhood, making Fort Corallium safe for law-abiding citizens. And soon, it was time to return home, to say a hearty “good evening” to Mrs. Snowflake. Trigger could not quite make up his mind if that “good evening”, the customary “sleep well”, or maybe the first “good morning” was the best part of the day. But it probably was one of them.
Coraline was down at the Coffee Emporium, just finishing a last cup and reading through this week’s selected Letters of Comments from her clip-and-file service. After sorting through them, one caught her eye for immediate and detailed reading.
\[Cut from “Venewsian News”, LoC column\] Uranianism is a Rock-Planet
by Briney ven Pommeln
I have been asked multiple times, as a resident on the Saturnian moons, been asked how I view the recent liberation mission of the Saturnian space force to Uranus.
Well, it is quite simple. There is no such thing as a Uranus nationality. Uranus was until very recently a member planet of the Saturnalian Federation. It has been a part of Saturnalian national identity for centuries.
The so-called Uranian Identity is manufactured and sponsored by state actors from rocky planets. Living on the moon of a gas planet, I know that they are not to be trusted, and all we can do to liberate the Uranian moons is right, just, and should be done.
Only two weeks ago, there were fervent pleas from the moon of Miranda, to the Saturnial parliament, to come and liberate them from their Uranian oppressors. And now that the Saturnalian fleet is on its way, we can look forward to a Uranus, returned to the Saturnalian crowd.
Peace to our gas giants, in our time.
Coraline dropped her stack of papes down onto the table, as she audibly gasped.
“Coraline, dear, what is it?” enquired Barbara.
“Barbara, I have just read the most horrible thing, from the QuicksilverCon Guest of Honour.”
“Briney ven Pommeln? What’s he written now?” “Oh, I cannot possibly summarise it quickly, please read yourself!”
Ms. Dimatis read through the clipped LoC, then also audibly gasped.
“Oh my. I wonder if QuicksilverCon will have to disinvite him, now?”