520 thoughts on “Canterbury Tails 5/27”

1. Kate on May 28, 2015 at 2:30 am said:
   A hoplophobe is someone with an irrational fear of kangaroos.

   I thought it was someone with an irrational fear of those Rocky-Horror-reject costumes in “300.”

2. @Standback:

   Honestly, I think that’s a depressingly politicized – and, to use your word, simplistic – reading of the story. Because no, the central issue of “If You Were A Dinosaur” is not even remotely “hate crimes and bigotry.” That is not in any way “the message” or “the entire thrust.” Obviously, you’ll read it however you want, but your reading ignores virtually all of the text.

   The story is about love turned to grief. That is its entire thrust, and nearly all of the story is about communicating one of these two emotions. That is what virtually all of the story is about. And what makes the story so appealing to those who like it, is how suddenly and naturally it whiplashes from charming whimsy into heartbreak. That – not “hate crimes” – is the story’s appeal.

   You could change that one sentence so that the protagonist’s fiance is beaten up by, I dunno, irate soccer fans, or hit by a drunk driver, or by angry drunks who mistook him for someone else, and the story would work almost exactly the same way. It would have just as much impact, it would feel just as heartbreaking to the people who liked the story.

   Finally, although I don’t think “Dinosaur” is anywhere near as political as you read it, I can think of a lot of works that contain political views I dislike or even loathe, but that I still enjoyed. I think (hope) that most readers are able to enjoy works they don’t entirely agree with.

3. Brian Z: Can’t speak for anyone else, but I’d admit someone who’s put their novel Heart of Ceres up on Amazon into the science fiction clubhouse.

   I’m happy to welcome anyone who’s interested in talking about SFF novels they’ve actually read, rather than simply making bogus claims or posting excerpts from 1-star Amazon reviews on books they haven’t read.

   But the continual posting of blatant misrepresentations and false statements under the excuse of “English is not my first language” — not so much.

4. This hoplophobe hails from Australia, and, as someone with Bipolar II Disorder and a DEX of 9, should not be allowed in the same room with a deadly weapon, even if she wanted to enter one.

5. @Barry, I agree with you, but I think Standback has a point, especially given that there are some people for whom anything is a message or an outrage. Look at the screeds that James May – who I’m sometimes convinced that at least some iterations *must* be a bot of some sort – posts in various sites.

   It’s the whole “everything looks like a nail” thing. If you go looking for things to be offended by, by the gods you’ll find it.

6. I’m sure I’m not the first person to point out that James May of Top Gear has recently become unemployed. Hmm…

   I jest, of course. Top Gear’s James May is a gentleman.

7. @Ann – (on kangaroos) “They’re mean little buggers”

   Little is not a word I would use, esp regarding the reds.

8. “Little is not a word I would use, esp regarding the reds.”

   Yeah but you have to watch the wallabies too. Those actually live down the road from me, rather than several thousand kilometres away in the desert.

   Don’t get between a macropod and a bag of feed, is all I’m saying.

9. There’s an implied accusation here.

   Yes, that some people – some very not very nice people – attack gay people, women, minorities. Actually that isn’t an accusation it is a fact. It happens.

   Let’s change Dinosaur My Love and instead of “five blustering men soaked in gin and malice” it was a terrorist bomb by Islamic fundamentalists. Well yes, there is a sort of political message there and we’ve sort of shifted it but our altered Dinosaur tale is still a long way from an objectionable anti-Muslim screed that demonizes a religious group. It would be madness to pretend that there aren’t people who are grieving the deaths or severe injuries caused by terrible crimes by terrible people.

   Ah, I’m getting cranky again. I was cranky in the last thread and I was unintentionally rude to at least one person so I might stop at this point.

   OK one more bit. I read a book by John Hannity (he of Fox News fame) because I really do read stuff I disagree with deeply. And he was going on and on about a flaw he saw in liberals. And it was this: liberals supposedly don’t believe in evil or that liberals are scared or reluctant to call things evil or object to evil or something. Well, shit, there is a pile of violence that goes on that is targeted at women, at gay people, at all sorts of people who can be marginalized and targeted and it should never be ‘political’ to call it evil. And I don’t think US conservatives should get upset when people on the left do what they say we should be doing and calling evil “evil”.

   Oh and if there is a section of the right that doesn’t like people thinking that they are racist, homphobic or apologists for domestic violence then they really, really shouldn’t throw tantrums when people rightly point out how aful those things are.

10. “Your Puppies, O My Sisters! Your Puppies Filled of Light!”

11. A story about a dogmatic preacher whipping up a frenzied mob may have the message “don’t form a frenzied mob,” but often such as story can be read as being anti-religion.

    Yes, but “Dinosaur” is not a story about a hate crime. Yes, the hate crime is an incident which sets the plot in motion, but…

    “Spiderman” is not a story about the criminal who shot Uncle Ben. Ben’s death is an essential incident without which the story could not have taken place. And Ben’s death reflects some very dubious ideas about how likely it is that a citizen walking on the street will be shot to death by a stranger. But anyone who says they can’t read “Spiderman” because it’s a story about a mugging and they’re sick of mugging stories is projecting their own hang-ups onto the text, not giving the text a fair reading.

    I do understand what you’re saying about the implicit logic of story events. “Dinosaur” depicts a world in which hate crimes can happen and can be tragic. And Spider-Man depicts a world in which random street murders can happen and can be tragic. But that’s not remotely what either story is about. And it’s something that any reasonable reader – even one who thinks the prevalence of hate crimes and/or random murders is exaggerated – should be able to overlook.

12. Brad Torgersen must be very disappointed by Kate Paulk. The cover of Ancillary Justice clearly indicates it’s science fiction and that’s all that counts according to him.

13. @ http://obsidianwings.blogs.com/obsidian_wings/2015/05/problems-with-the-hugo-nominations-for-pro-and-fan-artist.html

    That is interesting. Namely the prospect of the discussion of what sets a work apart. For example in the case of the “Neverborn” – to me it appears to be a charcoal drawing. Hence, after finishing the work on paper; you spray it to maintain it, and then proceed to either scan it or take a picture for a digital version. (Charcoal drawings are easily ruined by time.) Thus can we consider the most likely digitally coloured work as an entity of its own, or is it still the same picture as the earlier charcoal drawing?

    Regrettably the images provided do not enable me to inspect the details, nor the actual distances within the image. Sometimes artists do decide to recreate their own work from scratch.

    Thus with the infornation available, with the decisions between a work of charcoal and one that has been coloured. I would lean towards the works being seperate.

    Though I suppose I should give a disclaimer how I have done charcoal drawings of my own, and then later coloured those, and I do consider both to be their own distinct works due to their seperate techniques and chalenges.

    On the subject of “Kirk DouPonce”: Why is there a red ‘x’ on the day novel, if it was published in 2014? Was the image published elsewhere during 2013?

    “The definition of what is a “professional” publication is somewhat technical. A professional publication either (1) provided at least a quarter the income of any one person or, (2) was owned or published by any entity which provided at least a quarter the income of any of its staff and/or owner.”

    Thus the question on the green ‘x’ marks is as follows, are you sure that someone has not already paid for those works in question?

    Well, I guess that is all I can bother about this topic.

14. @Yarrow: read that story the other day!

    Tiptree was a masterful storyteller at her best.

15. @Snowcrash:

    I understand that. But it seems to me that when you say “If you go looking for things to be offended by, by the gods you’ll find it,” you’re agreeing with my point, not with Standback.

    I agree that many people who read “Dinosaur,” especially after the Puppies made “Dinosaur” the Symbol Of All That Is Evil And Corrupt, read it looking for an excuse to be offended. But that is not a reasonable or fair way to read a story, as I suspect you’d agree.

    Standback seems to be saying that reading “Dinosaur” as a purely political story whose “entire thrust” is about “hate crimes” is a fair reading of the story. I don’t deny that some readers have read the story that way; I’m just calling that an overly politicized reading of the story which ignores what the actual thrust of the story is.

16. What’s that, Tuomas? Beale suffers from *what*, you say? Are you sure? Good heavens. That flaming sword will be useful then, won’t it.

17. @ http://sfgospel.typepad.com/sf_gospel/2015/05/the-way-the-future-never-was.html

    Torgersen’s manifesto? I have read a number of political manifestos and, I would not consider Torgersen’s blog post as such. A cruede presentation of a hypothesis perhaps, but not a manifesto.

    It is a blog post about unreliable cover art.

18. @Barry: “… especially after the Puppies made “Dinosaur” the Symbol Of All That Is Evil And Corrupt”

    Nah bro that’s still Scalzi.

    Also, I completely agree that reading Dinosaur as a message fiction of the back of that one line is certainly not a fair reading by any means, but like I said, these are not people interested in a fair reading. They’re keen on ginning (heh) up the old Perpetual Outrage Machine.

19. @Barry Deutsch:

    First of all, I’m definitely open to other interpretations, and I see what you’re saying. I should also point out that I, personally, enjoyed the story very much – mostly precisely for the reasons you’re saying. For a short-short, it portrays grief and loss and rage in a beautiful and remarkable way, and for these, I enjoyed the story very much.

    I do think it’s fairly reasonable that, in a story about grief, the cause of the grief is an important element in the story. The cause certainly isn’t the story’s strength, and it’s not what the story spends it focus on. But it’s still at the crux of the story.

    You could change that one sentence so that the protagonist’s fiance is beaten up by, I dunno, irate soccer fans, or hit by a drunk driver, or by angry drunks who mistook him for someone else, and the story would work almost exactly the same way.

    Which brings us back to the always-present question of: what does the author mean by their choice of characters and scenarios? Does the use of a politicized element make the story politicized? Could that element have been swapped out, and if so – does it mean anything that it wasn’t? Is the use of a “non-default” element significant because divergence from the default is necessary, or is it part of the larger effort to chip away at mainstream understanding of what “default” is?

    I don’t think I agree with you about the story working in exactly the same way. Because here’s the thing: the ending of the story is about rage and vengeance, and about the feeling of helplessness. And that’s a twist, because until that point the story was odd and idiosyncratic and almost whimsical. It’s only in the revelation of rage that we understand the true motive behind the fantasy: the moment of helplessness, and the desire to lash back.

    So it couldn’t have been, say, disease, or an accident (where mourning and grief would have been just as apt). It would have been hard to swing with any case where the person got himself into a dangerous situation to begin with, because you need the innocence and the helplessness. And really, in order for the rage and hate to be relateable – you need it to be somebody that it’s OK to hate.

    That narrows your choices down considerably. If it wasn’t a short-short, if it wasn’t the type of story that it is, you could build up character and backstory and have a perfectly legitimate villain, an individual who was cruel and hate-worthy. But that wouldn’t have worked here.

    You need somebody villainous enough for your readers to instantly (A) accept a murderous attack from, and (B) be willing to hate.

    Off the top of my head? If you’re left-wing, you default to hate crime. If you’re right-wing, I think you default to terrorists.

    Would you like the story if it turned out the guy had been killed by terrorists? Or would that send it in a different direction for you?

20. Obviously someone is unclear on the concept of replying to a blog post on the blog post they’re replying to, where that blog post resides, rather than on a blog where the blog post resideth not.

21. Tuomas Vainio Torgersen’s manifesto? I have read a number of political manifestos and, I would not consider Torgersen’s blog post as such.

    A manifesto can be a document associated with an artistic (or literary) movement
    .
    Here is Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_manifesto

    You may enjoy this one http://www.391.org/manifestos/1918-dada-manifesto-tristan-tzara.html#.VWbonaaMhJ8

22. Ann, to be fair, Tuomas did both.

23. “Ann, to be fair, Tuomas did both.”

    Not seeing any comments on that sfgospel link?

24. @Nyq:

    Yes, that some people – some very not very nice people – attack gay people, women, minorities. Actually that isn’t an accusation it is a fact. It happens.

    Let’s change Dinosaur My Love and instead of “five blustering men soaked in gin and malice” it was a terrorist bomb by Islamic fundamentalists.

    Ha! Yes, I got to exactly the same place by a different route with my comment. I don’t think I’ve ever been comment-ninja’d to that extent!

    Again, an important point – I think the point I’m trying to make all along here, although I confess I may have lost track:
    I don’t think anybody is denying hate crimes happen.
    Some people – of which I am not one – do argue about how frequently they happen; to whom; under what circumstances. They say that the threat of hate crimes is exaggerated, for political/ideological gain – not very different from how the threat of terrorism, for example, is used to bolster right-wing ideology.

    All I’m saying – really all I’m saying – is that I do read “Dinosaur” as an explicitly political work. This should not be a controversial statement for a crowd who know that “everything is political”. I think “Dinosaur” was more overtly political than most — which I don’t see as a criticism, just a bit of categorization. Specifically, what I am arguing about is the “it’s just one sentence” claim – I think it’s much more than that. Even in this case, where it’s politics I share — perhaps especially in this case — I do not like the “it isn’t really political” argument.

    If you’re all still with me, I see it as no surprise that an overtly political work gets a negative reaction from people hostile to those specific politics. That, I think, is all.

25. Some people – of which I am not one – do argue about how frequently they happen; to whom; under what circumstances. They say that the threat of hate crimes is exaggerated, for political/ideological gain – not very different from how the threat of terrorism, for example, is used to bolster right-wing ideology.

    Sure but you are answering your own point:
    X happens (given that X does actually happen) is not much of a political message
    X happens at this frequency (when the frequency of X happening) is arguably a political message.
    DInosaur was the first one.
    That deeply political work “Midsomer Murders” is the second*

    [*this is again a joke]*
    [**not entirely a joke]

26. Although perhaps a difference is: I do suspect that if it had been terrorism rather than a hate-crime, it would not have enjoyed the same popularity.

    (I know I would have enjoyed it less — I don’t think it matches the rest of the piece, but laying that argument out would take more literary navel-gazing than I have time for right at the moment, so…)

27. Standback: If you’re all still with me, I see it as no surprise that an overtly political work gets a negative reaction from people hostile to those specific politics.

    It’s just that the fact that there are actually a significant number of people who are hostile to the idea that “gays shouldn’t be beaten up” is so incredibly saddening and horrifying.

28. I am certainly looking forward to next year’s puppy slate of books that in no way startle the reader with unexpected content:
    “Book With Rockets In It and More Rockets and Aliens”
    “Manly Men With Ray Guns and Aliens With Different Rayguns”
    “Women With Poorly Designed Spacesuits and, Also, Rayguns”
    Should be good!

29. Speaking of hilarious misinterpretations of If You Were a Dinosaur, My Love y the Puppies, this post by Sarah Hoyt is highly recommended – If You Were a Grown-Up, My Love .

    Basically her claim is that since the bad guys in the story are supposedly manual laborers (which is actually never mentioned in this story itself, but it’s apparently obvious for enlightened mindreading critics like Hoyt), Swirsky hates all manual laborers and has never actually talked to such a person in her life. Oh, and Marxism is mentioned a lot, of course, wouldn’t be a Hoyt post without Marxist strawmen appearing in it.

    It’s also quite hilarious how she goes on and on how since the manual laborers which she knew when she was growing up were cool guys and wouldn’t beat anyone, that means that no manual laborer would ever beat up someone in a manner described in the story. Because apparently all manual laborers in the whole world are the same as the ones she knew growing up.

30. If you’re all still with me, I see it as no surprise that an overtly political work gets a negative reaction from people hostile to those specific politics.</em.

    yeah but they say they AREN'T hostile to that particular aspect

    All I’m saying – really all I’m saying – is that I do read “Dinosaur” as an explicitly political work. This should not be a controversial statement for a crowd who know that “everything is political”.

    Well it is controversial if you are saying it is more political or more distinctly political than other works.

31. All this talk about SFF is well and good, but now that y’all are talking about macropods I’m truly a happy camper.

32. Nyq, I addressed that in a previous comment.

    Do you think a story about a hero saving a damsel in distress should be immune from criticism over the overall representation of women as being weak and helpless?

33. It’s just that the fact that there are actually a significant number of people who are hostile to the idea that “gays shouldn’t be beaten up” is so incredibly saddening and horrifying.

    Yes. :-/

34. /Joe Sherry: That said, he’s not wrong that Ulysses is a terrible book. Since you asked for it,’

    If we ever reach a climactic roundup post, it’s going to have to be called So Long And Thanks For All The Filks.

35. @ http://sfgospel.typepad.com/sf_gospel/2015/05/the-way-the-future-never-was-a-visual-appendix.html

    The Forever War: A guy sitting with his weapon resting on his lap, while the backround reveals a multitude of clocks. The tittle of the work is “The Forever War.” I do not know if you have any military backround or experiences, but there is a whole lot of waiting to be done when you are in the ‘army.’ Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to reach somewhere. Waiting in silence while your mind is left to wonder what shall happen. Thus to me the cover art got the waiting part right, and makes me wait for something realistic to read.

    The Space Merchants: On the backround we have a world on fire. Pitch black rockets, one of wich is taking off with the ‘supports’ still attached to it. The face of the man is either frozen in mid scream, or his last breath of air. The tiny men behind him seem to be running away from something. I am not expecting a comedic space adventure with a splash of romance and swashbuckling.

    Planet of the Apes? Is it the novel, or the movie you refer to? I guess it is the movie, but you could have still linked cover images.

    The Left Hand of Darkness: A planet of ice, with two faces sticking out. One feminine and the other masculine with both attached to the same head. Is that what remains of a two-faced alien “Statue of Liberty?” Anyhow, since the head or pillar with the two faces is not standing straight, the feminine face appears more dominant. Right, so we got an ice world and two faces of opposite human genders. Sounds like stuff about genders on an ice world.

    On the first issue of Galaxy: Well, they appear quite frank about what they publish… but are they still publishing their brand of science fiction? Oh, not since 1980? Hmn… what was the best recent ‘Science Fiction’ series on television? I think most will agree when I bring up something called; Firefly, basically nothing but a western in space!

    Gateway: We have spacecraft flying away from planets. Spacecraft that kind of look like luxury yacths, or just basically boats. There is a strange red line, but I have no idea what that is, since it does not appear to come from a gun of any kind. Oh, it is the engine trail for a third ship not on the cover. Thus, ships going away from planets, which means I would expect stuff to take place on those spaceships that design wise are not military on the first glance.

    The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe; bunch of kids who surround a lion. Witch on the background with a stick raised ready to slap someone… with other random objects placed all around. Following the children’s book art conventions, those are expectedly parts of the story. Is it about neverland found through a wardrope?

    Star Trek: Should I provide links to the Star Trek episodes and scenes that were not about racial prejudice and the horrors of war?

    Now, as for what Brad was talking; a story should not be just prejudice and the horrors of war. Although, both do make wonderful aspects of a story.

36. Stefan: Wow. That’s actually a mind-bogglingly specific example of how somebody takes a somewhat-political element and interprets it as a direct, deliberate attack.

    When people see politics as all-out war, than anything remotely political must obviously be an all-out attack :-/

37. @ http://bitterempire.com/real-talk-about-john-scalzi-vox-day-and-that-big-big-book-deal/

    That was a nice reply to Vox’s blog post. Thumb up.

38. @ http://neveryetmelted.com/2015/05/26/john-scalzi-gets-3-4-million-publishing-deal/

    Yikes… I cannot help it, whenever I see that image of Scalzi, I just cannot help but to think of Theodore Beale smiling with a friendly smile of friendliness.

39. Standback, I don’t deny that there is some political content in “Dinosaur,” although I think you’re exaggerating how much is there and how much it matters. But in my original comment, I wasn’t questioning the claim that Dinosaur has any political content at all; I was questioning the claim that Dinosaur is a good example of the “problem” of sf/f stories being “too liberal.”

    I agree that you can’t just swap out the drunk bigots and replace them with just anything; as you say, they have to be replaced by someone who is blameworthy, someone who can be hated, for the story to work. (Which I think all three of my exampled did.)

    I don’t know whether or not the use of violent bigots was the “default choice” in this case or not; maybe it was, maybe Swirsky had some other reason.

    But let’s say – instead – that the main character’s fiance was a marathon runner who was put into a coma due to the Boston Marathon bombing, or some similar random act of terrorism. I don’t think that would change my reading of the story at all. None of the important content of the story – not the love, not the whimsy, not the revenge fantasy, not the realization that revenge would be a terrible idea, not the heartbreak – would be altered at all by that change.

    So yes, in this particular case, it really is just one sentence (or, I guess, just one paragraph). You could change that paragraph without having to change a word of the rest of the story, and both the structure and theme of the story would be basically unchanged. (Suppose the character’s fiance had been a runner put in a coma at the Boston Marathon. Would you no longer enjoy how the story “portrays grief and loss and rage in a beautiful and remarkable way,” in that case?)

    (And this is a bit of a digression, but as I read it, the story is not ultimately a revenge fantasy. In the end, the narrator grows beyond revenge, realizing that her revenge would only be someone else’s tragedy. From the second to last paragraph: “If I laughed, laughed, laughed, I’d eventually feel guilty. I’d promise never to do something like that again. I’d avert my eyes from the newspapers when they showed photographs of the men’s tearful widows and fatherless children, just as they must avert their eyes from the newspapers that show my face.” I’m not implying you disagree with me on this point, I just wanted to mention it.)

40. @ http://superversivesf.com/2015/05/28/interview-with-hugo-fan-writer-nominee-dave-freer/

    Egads… I think I just fell in love with the responses.

41. Oh well, I cannot bear to type anything more today… Need some fresh air and the birds are singing. Toodles.

42. It’s also quite hilarious how she goes on and on how since the manual laborers which she knew when she was growing up were cool guys and wouldn’t beat anyone, that means that no manual laborer would ever beat up someone in a manner described in the story.”

    Also, the story never suggests that the men were manual laborers. Hoyt just assumed they must be. Should I conclude from this that Hoyt believes that only manual laborers ever get drunk or violent?

    Swirsky discusses what she intended here:

    I will say that I did not intend “gin” to be a class marker. My primary association with gin is hipsters. I have friends who make their own. (I pictured a college bar when I was writing the story, although I didn’t want that image—or any distinct markers–to be in the story itself.) …

    I did not want the assailants to be marked at all, except that they were into beating people up with flimsy excuses, an activity of which I disapprove.

    So: what can I do? My intent to not be classist isn’t significant. Some of my previous trespasses have been totally unintentional…

    P.S. At first I felt that, since we’re discussing the story and not the author, I didn’t need to disclose that Rachel Swirsky is a good friend of mine. But now I’m beginning to feel odd about not having disclosed that, even though it really shouldn’t make a difference. So, please consider it disclosed. 🙂

43. So I’ve just caught up this morning, and there are two related points I’d like to make.

    Firstly, the idea that fiction is supposed to meet preconceived expectations is a running gag with the Puppies. In addition to Paulk’s review of AJ and Torgersen’s initial screed when he announced SP3, there is Transhuman and Subhuman where JCW constantly hits us over the head with the idea that reinforcing existing cultural norms, and sticking within well worn archetypes are the purposes of fiction. Bullocks!

    The other is that all fiction worth a tinker’s damn says something. Any fiction worth reading has a message which challenges the reader. It is a combination of authorial intent, their own biases and the context in which they are writing. Being against good stories with a political message is being against good stories. Period. Even the works of Dr. Suess contain a political message.

    On that note, your political message for the day: If You Were a Dinosaur My Love is about a terrorist attack. That is the appropriate word to describe a brutal murder motivated by hate. That is all.

44. Exeunt, pursued by bear

45. Chris Henley: Dr. Seuss! Did you have to mention Dr. Seuss?

46. PIMMN : Looks like it’s a dog whistle word, a neologism coined by gun rights activists to label gun control advocates, as if they were motivated by fear.

    I haven’t yet seen anyone outside of that subculture use the word.

    That’s about the size of it. Because, of course, the only reason people would have for disliking things designed to kill people which do, indeed, kill people is irrational phobia.

    Ob10000th for JJ – did you know that Australia has censored children’s programmes? The programme was “Peppa Pig”, produced in the UK, and it was just a single episode where Peppa learned that there was nothing to be scared of and Mr Spider is your friend. In Australia arachnophobia is a sane response to be cultivated in youngsters…

47. I agree that all stories have a message. In Dinosaurs, for me, the primary message is that our hearts rest on a foundation of tissue, and that everything that is precious to us could be ripped away at a moment’s notice, and joy and love turn to mourning in an instant.

    There’s also an anti-revenge aspect to the story. But that’s less important, in my reading.

    And, distant behind those other two messages – but certainly in there – is the implicit political message of having a major character killed randomly by bigots.

    I agree that all stories have something to say; and I also agree that all stories, intentionally or not, have some political content. But the primary message of a story isn’t ALWAYS political.

48. Barry Deustch – Thanks for the link, I wasn’t aware Swirsky has responded to that criticism.

    I am not American or British and I had no idea gin is a class marker (at least not in a contemporary setting, if it was some Victorian setting I would probably have caught it), I love drinking gin and tonic and I am certainly no manual laborer or hipster.

49. Cpaca: In Australia arachnophobia is a sane response to be cultivated in youngsters…

    I’d believe it. I knew someone who’d lived there for a year, and he said the first thing his flatmates taught him was to always shake his shoes or boots upside down before putting them on.

    I went there once on family vacation. We stayed in a very nice fancy house, near the beach. The handtowel apparently fell off the bathroom rack as I finished brushing my teeth and went to bed. The next morning, I walked into the bathroom, saw the towel, and picked it up — and a big black spider the size of a silver dollar fell out and scurried off.

    Trigger Warning for Ophidiophobes and Arachnophobes: Australia’s dangerous animals: the top 30

50. Now, the Finned-Puppies’ Rockets
    Had delta-shaped fins.
    The Plain-Puppy’s Rockets were all smooth as pins.
    Those fins weren’t so big. They were really so small.
    You might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.

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