The Dogcatcher In The Rye 6/17

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aka The Summer of our Manufactured Discontent

In today’s roundup: Sarah A. Hoyt, Vox Day, David Gerrold, Steven Brust, John Scalzi, Peter Grant, Laura J. Mixon, Laura Resnick, Spacefaring Kitten, Chris Gerrib, David Gerrold, Adam-Troy Castro, Lis Carey, Larry Correia, Brad Johnson and mysterious others. (Title credit belongs to File 770 contributing editors of the day Nigel and DMS.)

Sarah A. Hoyt on According To Hoyt

“Fun House Mirrors” – June 17

But I’ve been on a slow simmer since the Irene Gallo comments, and that was brought to a boil yesterday.

Why yesterday, you ask?

Because the hypocritical scum (I apologize to any scum I might have offended) who runs file 770 has been gleefully linking anything of mine that even uses the letters H-u-g- and o in the same paragraph, but yesterday I wrote about his hypocrisy in taking a sentence of mine out of context and linking it with a clever-daft punchline of the “Hydrophobia that falls on you from nowhere” to imply I was homophobic.

Did he link yesterday’s post? Are you kidding? Even though he’s fairly sure his blinded followers will rarely click through, he couldn’t afford to explode his narrative. He’d on the flimsiest of “evidence” – i.e. my refusal to go into details on same sex marriage and other accommodations for more “exotic” orientations in a post to which it wasn’t even incidental – declared me homophobic, and he couldn’t risk the narrative being exploded.

I confess that when my Baen colleagues were making fun of file 770 and going on about “Mike Glyer, Fifty Hugos” (the number of nominations he’d had) I thought they were being a little mean. After all, the man was just well-intentioned and blinkered, and believed the narrative.

Guys, I was wrong, you were right. He’s not deceived, but he willfully deceives. He is not a useful idiot, but one who would seek to make idiots out of others. He’s not the sheep, but the judasgoat.

Why does that matter to me? Why do I get so upset if it’s not true? Isn’t it an axiom (at least on the left side of politics) that you only get upset if it’s secretly true?

[I reminded Sarah A. Hoyt the roundup titles are a trope, not a comment on the writers quoted. She did not take me up on my offer to run another excerpt, so I can only commend the entire post to you — “Dispatches From Another World” – June 12.]

Vox Day on Vox Popoli

“Updates” – June 17

Since many of you have been asking, no, no one has received any response from anyone at Tor Books or Macmillan. We know at least some of the emails have been read by the recipients. Be patient, we have to give Macmillan time to investigate the situation and discover for themselves just how dysfunctional and unprofessional their U.S. subsidiary is. Remember that Julie Crisp, Editorial Director of Tor UK, left the company “following a review of the company’s science fiction and fantasy publishing” in May, and her public behavior was unobjectionable in comparison with that of Irene Gallo, Moshe Feder, and Patrick Nielsen Hayden.

Also, Jagi has asked that when you send her your pictures of your Tor books, please tell her what state or country you are from. She’s received them from 65 people to date.

David Gerrold in a comment on Facebook – June 17

So, Vox Day has declared a boycott of Tor Books.

I expect this will be as effective as the Baptist boycott of Disney World.

Peter Grant on Bayou Renaissance Man

“The blindness of the ideologically bound” – June 17

And so, when Ms. Gallo accused me – me – of being ‘unrepentantly racist’ purely because I happened to support the Sad Puppy cause, that was the last straw.  I’d heard that lie from SJW’s before, of course, and been able to get over it . . . but lies like that are like the Chinese water torture.  Sooner or later, something’s going to snap.  Her accusations were, to me, unforgivable;  and since she’s never seen fit to retract them, they still are.  Since her employer has seen fit to allow her, and others like her, to pontificate about something of which they apparently know absolutely nothing, to make false accusations and toss denigrations around like confetti, doing so on company time and using company computers and networks . . . that employer is complicit in the whole mess.  Hence my outrage against Tor.  Hence the boycott for which I will call on Friday if Tor and its holding company, Macmillan, don’t act against those responsible.

I won’t take this any more.  I know I’m far from the only Puppy supporter who’s had enough of the SJW’s lies and slanders and libels.  They want a war?  They can have one.

Laura J. Mixon

“I stand with Irene Gallo, and I stand with Tor” – June 17

Bullies and abusers rely on the larger community’s desire for comity—our willingness to live and let live—to impose their will and silence dissent. In such a case, it’s incumbent on people with standing in the community to speak up against them, providing a counterweight to their destructive ideas. By speaking when she did, in my view, Irene was doing what other thought leaders in our field like N. K. Jemisin, John Scalzi, and the Nielsen Haydens have done: guarding the health and well-being of our SFF community by standing up against hate speech.

Some feel the stark terms Irene applied to the Sad and Rabid Puppies movements in her FaceBook post—racist, misogynist, homophobic, neo-nazi—were too harsh and too broadly applied. That she spoke out of turn and had no business criticizing the Sad and Rabid Puppies campaign while promoting a Tor book. They protest that their views are not extreme, and using such terms unfairly maligns them, by lumping them in with someone they don’t support. Some members of the Sad and Rabid Puppy campaigns have indeed distanced themselves from Beale, and perhaps they were initially unaware of just how extreme his views were.

I believe that communities can grow and change. People can learn; viewpoints can shift. I have a seed of hope that someday, through continued dialog and education, we can find a way through this and mend some of the rifts that this conflict has exposed.

But there is no getting around the fact that a misogynistic, homophobic white supremacist, who has spoken approvingly of shootings and acid attacks on women, and of Hitler and the Holocaust, who has called a respected SFF scholar and popular writer an ignorant, “not equally human” savage, stands at the heart of this conflict. Beale’s followers and fellow travelers may not themselves hold all the bigoted views he does, but information on who he is and how he feels about women, people of color, LGBTQ people, and others has been widely shared by now. If people are emailing you calling for Irene to be fired, they are unavoidably supporting Beale’s hate-filled agenda.

Laura Resnick on Facebook – June 17

I’m guessing that, for a raft of reasons, Tor and Macmillan will not meet any of these demands, and so it seems likely the Puppies will boycott the biggest publisher in our genre starting on Friday. I’m skeptical that a few hundred people will have an effect on a program the size of Tor, and also skeptical that their numbers will grow. So I’m more concerned about what persons, organizations, or businesses will be the Puppies’ next target. I didn’t think they would stop with the Hugos, and I’m skeptical they’ll stop with Tor, either.

https://twitter.com/tuesdayreviews/status/611230746921963520

Spacefaring Kitten on Spacefaring Extradimensional Happy Kittens

“Answering Peter Grant” – June 17

Sad Puppy activist Peter Grant was one of the most vocal people pushing for this week’s hatemail campaign directed at Tor….

He says:

I’ll do my best not to stoop to name-calling, with the exception of referring to the other side as ‘social justice warriors’ or SJW’s. I do so only because I have no other name in my vocabulary to adequately or accurately describe them. If anyone can suggest a better, more acceptable alternative, I’ll be grateful.

I replied in the comments that the best alternative would be Happy Kittens. Sadly, it seems like my comment was deleted.

I’d like to rephrase my suggestion here: please drop the SJW and start using Happy Kittens if you insists on having a handle for the people who are critical of Sad Puppies. It’s not offensive. It’s kind of funny in the same way as Sad Puppies. It looks ridiculous in an angry sentence. Plenty of good reasons.

Chris Gerrib on Private Mars Rocket

“Puppy Bites Woman AGAIN, Pictures at 11 !!!!” – June 17

I find a notable fact buried in the piles of puppy-doo.

I’m going to dig said fact out and clean it up for you. I’m doing this because facts have been one thing in short supply in this debate. For the most part, what we get are vague statements that some unnamed person committed some undefined offense sometime during a large event. But now we have a fact.

Per Vox, 765 individual people emailed Tor complaining about Gallo. That sounds like a lot, except, 79,279 people bought a copy of Redshirts in 2013. So, if you take 765 and divide it by 79,279, you get .00964. In other words, less than 1% of the people who bought one book from Tor are complaining. You’d have to magnify that complaint number by an order of magnitude to get anybody’s attention.

David Gerrold in a message on Facebook – June 17

A friend has pointed out to me that any attempt to calm people down is doomed unless everyone involved wants to calm down. He then went on to point out that too often there are individuals who will have a vested interest in escalating the uproar. It increases their visibility — and their illusion (delusion?) of power.

It is — according to my very wise friend — a kind of ferocious madness that has to reach a peak before it can burn itself out. It cannot be calmed and those… efforts are doomed. It has to be inflamed by those who are enraptured by the heat they can generate and like any addiction, the dosage has to be increased, they can only crave more and more — until the whole thing becomes a bonfire and they are finally, ultimately immolated in the flames.

He might be right.

I’ve seen flame wars online that have destroyed whole forums — and I’ve seen the perpetrators of these flame wars move from forum to forum, leaving a trail of ruined relationships behind them. I cannot think of a single instance where a call for peace was effective. Even Gandhi died by a bullet.

Adam-Troy Castro on Facebook – June 17

I have heard more than one person say that they’re dreading Worldcon.

I won’t say that this is what the Sad and Rabid Puppies want as a group, even if I do think it’s what of a couple of the individual standard-bearers want. I will say that it is certainly what a great number of the trolls slamming so-called SJW writers on their behalf want. (And I do think it would tickle Beale the Galactic Zero no end. This is the guy who cheers spree killers, after all.)

Alas, I am not going to Worldcon this year. It would take an unexpected windfall of colossal proportions. Maybe next year, or the year after.

But if I was, “dread it”? To hell with that. I go to have fun, to catch up with old friends, to make new ones, to find treasures in the Dealer’s Room, to talk about my pop-culture obsessions and to hear others talk about my pop-culture obsessions. I’d be going, this year, to see my friend David Gerrold in his Guest of Honor gig and to see him and my friend Tananarive Due nail their Hugo-hosting gig. You think, if attendance was in my cards for me, I would waste more than one millisecond of brain energy on the premise that some no-neck gibberer with a fixation on his own imaginary oppression might say something nasty to me?

Spacefaring Kitten on Spacefaring Extradimensional Happy Kittens

“Cedar ‘Go Buy A Shooter Bimbo Shirt’ Sanderson” – June 17

Cedar Sanderson is the third member of the Mad Genius Club in this category, and she has produced what is probably the single best blog post in the voters packet I’ve read so far that has actually something do with SFF. In it, she ponders the shortcomings of generic fantasy on the lines of Diana Wynne Jones’ Tough Guide to Fantasyland which is a book I should probably read sometime. The text would be stronger if Sanderson had gone into specifics and given some more concrete examples of bad fantasy, but it’s not bad as is.

H.P. on Every Day Should Be Tuesday

“Review of Rat Queens vol. 1: Sass & Sorcery by Kurtis J. Wiebe” – June 17

ratqueens

Each of the four members has her moments, the story is intriguing enough, and the comic is genuinely funny. They’re foul-mouthed, horny, and have a distinct tendency to cause disproportionate property damage. And can drink their rival adventurers under the table as easily as they kill their enemies. They’re joined by a host of cool minor characters, from a long-suffering captain of the town watch who’s sleeping with one of the Rat Queens to the friendly rival adventurer group named the Four Daves (exactly what it says on the tin) to a villainous local merchant to one very annoying town watchman. All in all, it probably has the best combo of awesome female characters around.

Lis Carey on Lis Carey’s Library

“Best Editor, Long Form — 2015 Hugo Award Nominees” – June 17

[She reviews all five nominees. I excerpted the one that struck me as the most favorable.]

Sheila Gilbert: Ms. Gilbert is, with Betsy Wollheim, Publisher at DAW. Ms. Gilbert did provide both a list of edited works, and sample chapters. Her writers include Seanan McGuire, Julie Czerneda, and Jacey Bedford, and the sample chapters include both science fiction and fantasy. Within the limits of my ability to assess her work as an editor, I’m very impressed. There are also some new works added to my To Be Read list.

Font Folly

“Hugo Ballot Reviews: Graphic Story” – June 17

[Preceded by reviews of all nominees.]

Rat Queens is hands-down the winner of slot number one on my Hugo ballot in this category. And with Zombie Nation at number five, the only thing left up in the air is where how I’m going to rank Saga, Sex Criminals, and Ms. Marvel, because I want all of them and Rat Queens to take home an award, dang it!

Larry Correia on Monster Hunter Nation

“Somebody sent me a Sad Puppies holster” – June 17

I’ve not been saying much about the Sad Puppies controversy lately, because right now it is out of my hands. Some employees of a publishing house said some pretty outlandish things, and their customers are ticked and writing lots of letters. I’m staying out of that one.

But some author friends had this made for me and sent as a gift. I’m pretty sure they don’t want to be identified.

Sad Puppy 1911 Holster Right Hand

Sad Puppy 1911 Holster Right Hand

https://twitter.com/Cherokee_Viking/status/611347536373157888

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1,023 thoughts on “The Dogcatcher In The Rye 6/17”

  1. They think that people who talk about “social justice” don’t actually care about *justice*. They think “social justice” is a front, a way to justify calling people (them) names, hating, abusing, and bullying, while being self-righteous about it all.

    Because they believe that justice equates to individual justice alone. I understand how they come to that conclusion.It is the position drilled into us by our parents, teachers and day-time repeats of Law and Order. It just isn’t true. (Neither is a purely social approach which completely ignores individual justice.)

  2. Hah! Yah, those are the ones. What’s really scary is that according to that Wiki article, they actually made those into audio books.

  3. Oh, my. The Blade books were written under the name “Jeffrey Lord”, and one of the actual authors was Ray Nelson, the creator of the propellor beanie as a symbol of fans.

  6. Anyone remember a relatively old pulpy series of books featuring a protagonist named Blade who jumped from world to world?

    Brings to mind The Wheels of If But there’s no one named Blade in there.

  7. I finished Ancillary Sword. In the end I felt the beginning, ending and resolution was stronger than Ancillary Justice, but I think I preferred AJ overall. I thought it did some nice filling out for the world building, too. Definitely looking forward to the final part, which I’m hoping will be all the best bits of the first two rolled into one plus some new cool things, but The Goblin Emperor is still my favourite for now. Three-Body Problem next!

    @idontknow

    I loved Mrs Frisby and the Rats of N.I.M.H. I liked the sequel, Rasco and the Rats of N.I.M.H too, but I never got hold of copies of any of the others.

    Re: families continuing series, previous thread

    I think Rats of N.I.M.H was continued by a child, wasn’t it?

  8. @Estee: “I very much blame Toni Weisskopf for not puncturing the conspiracy theory as soon as she knew about it. Instead, she seems to have catered to it in a completely irresponsible way. As a pro, she knows perfectly well how the Hugos really work. If she had explained it clearly to the Pups, instead of pandering to their paranoia, we might all have been spared a lot of unpleasantness. Shame on her.”

    You make a hidden assumption there that I am not certain is valid: that Toni is separate from the Puppies in that respect and/or does not subscribe to the theory of manipulation.

    @Cat: “No offense is intended but that doesn’t sound like the Larry I remember from last year. I’m going to wait and see on that one.”

    Agreed.

  9. And the publisher of the Russian edition couldn’t get the rights to any of the books after the first six, so they commissioned the translator to write a bunch of sequels in Russian.

  10. As ever, I require expert input. Dawn is dawning. Is it insomnia once dawn has arrived, or is it merely getting up very early.

    Also, there’s a rather nice view of the Gherkin this morning, probably due to smog: can we ask Mike very nicely if it’s ok to put a picture up?

  11. Animal books.

    Well, there’s David Brin’s Uplift series.

    Not marketed as SF, but Jennie (The Abandoned in the US) by Paul Gallico is about a little boy who turns into a Kitten, and the older cat who teaches him how to be a cat. “When in doubt, wash” is a saying in our house.

    Gallico has several animal books. We also own The Silent Miaow, which is covered in brown paper so the cats can’t see it. Dangerous book!

  12. @Chris Hensley

    Point taken there. Still, it may be a valuable resource to point at and have readily available examples of just how racist/homophobic/transphobic/murderer-apologist he is when his apologists show up to obfuscate just what he is.

    But at that point it would probably mostly be a matter of convenience. And who wants to wade through that snake pit just for that?

  13. @meredith

    Yes, his daughter wrote one more book after Racso, but I don’t think it garnered the critical acclaim that Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH originally did.

  14. @Stevie

    Its getting up early if you don’t feel like you’ll crash any time soon, are bored of trying to sleep, and want to eat something. There’s always napping for later on.

  15. @Stevie

    Depends on if you actually slept or not. I worked 3rd shift for about 12 years and there are some nights that my body just decides we’re still on that schedule even though I have to get up at 5 am and trudge through the day.

  16. Doctor Science: Stories with an alien POV: last year’s A Darkling Sea by James Cambias, one of the books the Puppies kept from a shot at the Hugo, has several PsOV, including an alien so alien it reminded me of Mission of Gravity.

    I only just read A Darkling Sea last month; oh, wow. If I’d read it in time, it would have been in stiff competition with the novels I nominated for the Hugo. It is really good. The portrayal of an alien as so distinctly different from humans is second only to the non-human, non-plant aliens in The Disestablishment of Paradise (which was nominated for the Clarke last year, and which I recommend, but it’s a Stephenson-level doorstopper).

    Cambias’ Corsair, a space pirate/hacker novel which just came out, is good — but in my opinion not nearly as good as A Darkling Sea.

  17. Animal books: Ursula K. LeGuin’s Catwings and its sequel, juveniles that my son enjoyed when he was around 2nd or 3rd grade.

    Bedtime for me. I expect to wake up to at least another 100 comments in this thread, as the West Coast USians keep going for another few hours and the Europeans get a head start on tomorrow. I see that Stevie is already up. Good morning and good night.

  18. Camestros Felapton at 6:44 pm:

    I think, if anything, it institutionalizes it. STV is designed so the overall effect of a general election with political parties is that the proportion of candidates elected over all constituencies is close too the overall proportion of support for those parties… So in all it might cause more problems than it would solve.

    Ya know, I tried to have a conversation about that once.

    influxus at 7:18 pm:

    two or three people come out on File770 or Making Light or Torgersen’s blog claiming that they were actually secret agents for the other side all along and it was TOTALLY A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT YOU GUYS AND YOU FELL FOR IT

    I’ll bet five pounds Brian Z. turns out to be either JJ or Brad T.

    I’m Brad. I’m pretty sure Will R. is Nick Mamatas.

    File 770 Meetup

    Some might collide at a velocity such that there is a theoretical possibility of forming miniature black holes, so I hope David Brin is around. (Or, possibly, Somtow Sucharitkul.)

  19. @idontknow

    She was very much a “building stuff” sort of author compared to her father, and perhaps not as strong at plotting. I like the minigenre of building stuff sf/f so I liked them just fine even if the critics didn’t. 🙂

  20. RedWombat: two or three people come out on File770 or Making Light or Torgersen’s blog claiming that they were actually secret agents for the other side all along and it was TOTALLY A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT YOU GUYS AND YOU FELL FOR IT

    influxus: I’ll bet five pounds Brian Z. turns out to be either JJ or Brad T.

    I’d totally be offended, but I’m laughing so hard I can’t stop. 😀

  22. Looks like she’s written a book that won the Newberry award, so it looks like you aren’t alone in your esteem of her. I think Racso is the only one of hers I ever read and I read it with an adult’s eye trying to recapture kid magic, which hardly ever works.

  24. Dex on June 18, 2015 at 1:33 pm said:
    @rrede

    Martha Wells is criminally under-regarded.

    Totally agree. I’ve just been reading the latest collection of shorts re her Raksura series, Stories of the Raksura, Vol 2. I may nominate 1 or 2 of the novellas/novelettes (not sure of length) for next year, depending on what else I read. I liked all of them, but really thought “The Dead City”, a prequel Moon character tale, and “The Almost Last Voyage of the Windship Escarpment”, a tale of the Three Worlds with previously unknown characters, were both very good.

  26. I have ranted enough for one day, so shall not do my spiel on how Secret of NIMH betrayed the scientific, high-minded Rats of NIMH.

    For animal books, has anybody mentioned The Book of the Dun Cow yet? I loved it with a great and powerful love when I was about twenty, and then the sequel came along and I could not finish it because the doom was so strongly written. And then the final book in the trilogy just landed last year and I bought it and someday when I am suffering an over abundance of joy and hope, I will read them all.

  27. What’s in there now is the result of a compromise that came out of a proposal initially introduced at the 1991 WSFS Business Meeting (Search for Item C.4) that initially proposed to make No Award a candidate that can’t be eliminated; that is, if it has fewer votes than any other candidate, instead of being eliminated, No Award stays in the race and the next-highest candidate is eliminated. After immense haggling, the wording currently in the Constitution was adopted instead. No candidate has ever been eliminated on a No Award showdown, nor has No Award won at all since 1977.

    Thanks, Kevin. I should have guessed it would be the product of the sausage machine.

  28. No candidate has ever been eliminated on a No Award showdown, nor has No Award won at all since 1977.

    Well it will be a very interesting situation if people felt strongly enough about this whole debacle that No Award wins a category or categories this year.

  29. Stevie: i feel with you. I’ve been up since 2 am and tried to use the time productively by writing. But yeah, insomnia sucks. Knowing me, I’ll crash later in the day, sleep till early evening and then stay up most of the night again. 🙁

  30. Thank you! Unfortunately I’ve never got the hang of napping, so I think probably I’ll try to get a few hours, and then try to avoid completely losing the entire endocrine balance stuff by going to bed at a reasonable hour.

    Of course that’s what I’ve just done, and it didn’t work, but let’s try it again!

  31. Edited to Add on June 18, 2015 at 1:52 pm said:

    @Peace – Searching for text on an iPad is possible, just not obvious…

    Hallelujah! It works! Og be praised!

    Thank you. I’ve been too lazy to search for the method & kept opening every menu I could see for a “search this page” function. Once you know it, it even makes sense.

  32. I liked Swiftly Tilting Mastiff! (*sob* Gaudior)

    AHAHAhahahaha

    Husband posits A Sharpei in Time, and A Canticle for Leonberger.

  34. re: animal books

    I’m quite sure there was a popular and prolific author of animal books, possibly with the surname Hobbs(??), but the specifics escape me.

    @Stevie

    I also suck at napping, but I have long since had to accept that “my body” and “anything remotely resembling a healthy sleeping pattern” are not going to co-exist for more than about two weeks, and that’s my record. Sometimes naps happen to me without my consent (I spent most of February and half of April only waking up to eat), and other times, well, I’m awake right now and I had four hours sleep yesterday. I hope your insomnia ends up being less intractable!

  35. “Well it will be a very interesting situation if people felt strongly enough about this whole debacle that No Award wins a category or categories this year.”

    I would be shocked if there weren’t at least a couple of No Award categories. Novella in particular strikes me as a likely No Award winner.

  38. That could also be written: “Sometimes there’s barks, but very rarely flames.”

  39. The flames get put out before we even see them, usually. We have a good host.

  41. Of all the categories I’d also wouldn’t be surprised of novella got No Award. Fan Writing as well.

    Was fun to read Red Wombat and IDK’s stories of meeting with different authors. My wife who is not a fan of any Hugo related nonsense got a chuckle out of them as well. I don’t have any such stories, but I briefly got to hang out with Hulk Hogan and had long conversations with Uwe Boll so nyah.

  43. @xs

    Point taken there. Still, it may be a valuable resource to point at and have readily available examples of just how racist/homophobic/transphobic/murderer-apologist he is when his apologists show up to obfuscate just what he is.

    Where there is value, is in outing VD’s allies for what they are. It reduces their ability to further their goals of harming others, and exposing them means that they can’t be used as shields. A good example would be the efforts to raise the profile of John C. Wright’s previous comments about homosexuality and gender.

  44. “If you rape the truth you mislead sheep like Ms. Gallo…”

    Wow. I’ve heard Irene called a lot of untrue things, but that might take the cake.

  46. Upon reading Sarah Hoyt’s …thing…up above, an idea I’d been toying with for a filk crystallized. (The original is here if you don’t know it.) The original inspiration for looking at this source material was that “Voxie” rhymes with “Roxie.”

    [BRAD]
    CHORF.

    [JOHN]
    Six.

    [SARAH]
    Splash.

    [JULIETTE]
    Uh uh.

    [LARRY]
    Liberals.

    [THEO]
    Scalzi!

    [PUPS]
    They had it coming
    They had it coming
    They only had themselves to blame.
    If you’d have been there
    If you’d have read it
    The SMOFs and Trufen have done the same!

    [BRAD ]
    You know how some people have these little stories that get you down. Like Swirsky. Swirsky’s an SJW. No, not SJW. CHORF. So I came home this one day and I want to read a story and I’m looking for a bit of MilSF and there’s Swirsky bein’ all literary, writing about gay dinos, and SJWing. No, not SJWing. CHORFing. So I said to her, I said, “You CHORF that SF one more time…” and she did! So I took the Puppy slate from Larry and I nommed all my buddies…into the Hugos.

    [PUPS]
    She had it coming!
    She had it coming!
    She only had herself to blame.
    If you’d have been there
    If you’d have read it
    The Nielsen Haydens have done the same!

    [JOHN]
    I met Larry C. from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was a Puppy and we hit it off right away. So, we started hating together. He’d blog a post, he’d Tweet a rant, I’d threaten gay men, we’d have fun. And then I found out. “One nom” he told me? One nom my ass. If he was going to be slating…oh, no, I wanted six noms. (He’s one of those Mormons, you know?) So this year, even though one nom was disqualified, I’m sure to get a Hugo. You know, some guys just can’t hold their Vox Day.

    [PUPS]
    Hah! They had it coming!
    They had it coming!
    They took a genre in its prime
    And then they used it
    And they abused it
    We’ll slate the Hugos –
    It’s not a crime!

    [SARAH]
    Now, I’m typing on my blog post, carvin’ up the SJWs for the Puppies, minding my own business, in storms Mike Glyer, in a jealous rage. “You’re a hydrophobe!” he says. He was crazy and he kept posting, “You’re a hydrophobe!” And then he ran into my axiom. He ran into my axiom ten times!

    [PUPS]
    If you’d have been there
    If you’d have read it
    I betcha you would have thought the same!

    [JULIETTE]
    Oenq, V nz fbeel, ohg vs lbh jvyy or ynoryvat zr nf n fnq chccl V jvyy unir gb nfx lbh gb jvguqenj zr sebz lbhe yvfg. Lbh qvq abg fnl lbh jrer tbvat gb or pnyyvat vg gur Fnq Chccvrf yvfg. V srry yvxr lbh jrer zvfercerfragvat vg. V’z unccl gb or bar bs lbhe Uhtb erpbzzraqngvbaf. Guvf vf qvssrerag.

    [BRAD]
    Yeah, but will you be on my slate?

    [JULIETTE]
    UH UH, not Puppy!

    [LARRY]
    My buddy Brad and I had this Sad Puppy act, and my “devil” Voxie traveled around with us. Now, for the most recent year in our slate, we nommed 20 of Brad’s buddies in a row. One, two, three, four, five…Kratman, Freer, Antonelli, Reid, one right after the other. Well, this one night we were ranting about liberals, the three of us, boozing and having a few laughs, and we run out of ice. So I go out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there’s Brad and Voxie nomming Number Seventeen – “Wisdom From My Internet.”
    Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the toner off my hands, I even knew they were Rabid.

    [PUPS]
    They had it coming!
    They had it coming!
    Ann Leckie does her genders wrong!
    I didn’t read her!
    But if I read her
    I wouldn’t know which “she” has a schlong!

    [THEO]
    I loved John Scalzi more than I can possible say. He was a real artistic guy…sensitive…a writer. But he was always publishing his books with Tor. He’d write something every year, and on the way he wrote “Old Man’s War,” “The Android’s Dream”, “Fuzzy Nation”….and “Redshirts.” I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as profitable, and I saw him as — $3.4 million?!? @#!$!@#!!! SCALZEEE!

    [PUPS]
    The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
    The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
    He had it coming
    He had it coming
    He only had himself to blame.
    If you’d have been there
    If you’d have read it
    That Goddamned Scalzi has done the same!

    [BRAD]
    You nom that CHORF one more time!

    [JOHN]
    One nom my ass.

    [SARAH]
    Hydrophobe!

    [JULIETTE]
    Arire gel gb fcrnx sbe zr ntnva, Oenq.

    [LARRY]
    “Wisdom From My Internet”

    [THEO]
    SCALZEEEEEE!

    [PUPS]
    CHORF! SIX! SPLASH! UH UH! LIBERALS! SCALZI!

  47. @ Glenn

    Don’t you know, us wimminfolk don’t have our own opinions. We’re poor, misled creatures.

    Except Sarah Hoyt and Kate Paulk. They’re like bright shining stars of intellectual honesty and precision. They’re heroes among women. They know things.

  48. I will make a valiant attempt to drag the punning back to SFF and away from rock!

    Why can’t we have both?

    The Man Who Sold the Award
    Atomic Dog
    Veteran of the Puppy Wars
    The Puppy Principle
    Yoshimi Battles the Pink Puppies
    The ArchKyonoid

  49. Oh dang, my last filk offering blew up on a buried Tank Wombat I forgot about. Mike…? Help….?

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