Emails From Lake Woe-Is-Me — Fit the Hundred & Eighth

A dark forest sits beneath a starry sky. Creepy black goo drips over the scene. Whimsical white letters read: “Fit the Hundred & Sixth: The Thing About Bus Stops.”

[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]

THE THING ABOUT BUS STOPS

Hello, All! Melanie here.

If you haven’t been following along recently, Tryxy the demon’s band DemonKitty had a gig at the bus stop this week! Yes, you read that right: bus stop. We all have to start somewhere. Probably even at the beginning!

Last week, Tryxy was worried that he didn’t have enough original songs to fill the hour long set he was contracted to pay. Alas and alack, this is the common plight of the rookie rock n’ roller. You’ve got talent, you’ve got ambition, but you’ve got no songs!

…This is also the common plight of the rookie writer; talent, ambition, a magic system, but no pages. Funny how those pages don’t magically write themselves.

Without further ado…


Subject: Walpiskiddy Springs!!!!!!!

Dear Gladys,

Once upon a time, I took a bus in Boston. Like everything else in Boston, it was the strangest thing!!! First of all, there were multiple buses, each going to different parts of the city with multiple stops between. And they ran on Time instead of Whim!!!! Some people have no imagination. Regular transportation that takes you to where you want to go????? It fill me with a cold and desperate shudder!!! Who would want that????

Fortunately, bus stops in New Hampshire are much better and better still in Cradensburg. First of all, you don’t have to worry about something as restricting as a regular bus schedule with pick ups every fifteen minutes to half hour!!!!! I know that people THINK they want to get from Farm Hill down to Mr. Morgan’s for groceries and not spend all day waiting for a bus that may never come, but think about all the GRIT they’re missing out on gladys!!!!!

Writers need grit. We are gritty gritty people. We grit our gritty teeth down to smooth mounds and grit our way through a short story that we know may never see the light of day, even if we ARE the next big epic fantasy writer of all time. And for some stupid reason, when we write it, it has to actually be GOOD, even if we KNOW it will never see the light of day!!!!!!

Then we send our story off to an editor to be fed to spam wolves for nineteen months, and when the spam wolves are done tearing the encryptions to shreds, the editor sends a form rejection by email that STILL MANAGES TO BE COVERED IN COFFEE STAINS AND KETCHUP!!!!!

HOW DO YOU EMAIL KETCHUP, GLAYDS??????

Anyhoo, what was I saying??? Oh yeah, you need grit if you’re going to sit down and write ANOTHER SHORT STORY that may or may not see the light of day. Sheer grit. And you’ll need grit to eat the congealed ketchup off your emails because it’s just disgusting.

No really, what was I saying??? I thought I was talking about something else when I started this email. Let’s see, we’ve covered ketchup…grit… OH RIGHT THE BUSES!!!!!

Come to think of it, Cradensburg bus routes have a lot in common with being a writer, too. When you go to Boston, you get on THIS number bus at one particular time to get to THAT particular location by another particular time. BUT THAT DOESN’T PREPARE YOU FOR YOUR WRITING CAREER, DOES IT GLADYS?????

Here in Cradensburg, our bus stops emerge out of thin air. They tap you on your shoulder and then clothesline you when you turn around. They moon you when you’re minding your own business. They may wipe boogers on your shirt, Galdsy, but they’re the only thing around. That means that when they appear like a shimmering oasis on the horizon, you break a sweat running for it!!!!!!

Sometimes, a bus stop appears—and there’s even a bus!!!! And you get on it!!!!! And four days later you realize that it’s never going to stop going circles around that new statue they put up of the Mayor and his husband discovering pulled pork sandwiches for the first time this summer at the town barbecue.

And sometimes, you end up on a bus that says it’s taking you to Walpiskiddy Springs and the bus driver is an angry Djinn, but that’s not really why I’m writing you. Well, it is, but there are other things, too!!!

It all began last week when I discovered churros. Now, I know that you think you’ve eaten churros, Gladys, but you haven’t eaten churros until you’ve eaten parking lot churros sold by a tiny old lady with a one-eyed dog and a cooler full of hot heaven!!!!!! One bite of those churros and you will have churro brain!!! And if you don’t have churro brain after one bite, YOU HAVEN’T EATEN CHURROS. And if you don’t know what churro brain is. YOU HAVEN’T EATEN CHURROS!!!!!

As you know, Tryxy has been very anxious about his gig at the bus stop. After the fiasco playing all DemonKitty’s songs just 19 minutes at the tractor haul show, Tryxy was really worried that he and #bestkitten wouldn’t be able to write enough new music before the big bus stop show to fill the HOUR he’d been booked for. The anxiety was killing him!!

(Between you and me, I caught him with a voodoo doll of himself, sticking himself in the thigh so that he would get a charley horse and wouldn’t have to play drums and could back out of the gig. But don’t tell him I told you!!!!!)

Then, when my boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, dropped us off at the spot that LOOKED like a bus stop but turned out to be an atm machine, Tryxy was giddy at the thought that there wasn’t a bus stop after all, and hence he wouldn’t have to play his 19 minutes of music.

But it was not to be!!! I realized that I had mistaken a tall skinny man flipping me the bird for the bus stop!!!! We gathered up the drums and #bestkitten’s cat carrier and microphone and marched across the street to the ACTUAL bus stop that was wearing fishnets and showing a little leg.

No sooner had Tryxy and #bestkitten started playing their show, a flaming #666 bus came to a screeching halt in front of them and—you’ll never believe this Galdsy—but off the bus fell a singed and bewildered A & R rep who had been riding circles around the statue of our mayor. He’d been trapped in a bus full of tipsy fire dancers for three weeks straight!!!!

He was so overcome with joy at his escape, he invited DemonKitty to come down and play for him in Boston next week!!!!!!

GLADYS!!!! It’s Tryxy and #bestkitten’s first big break!!!!!!

We needed to celebrate right away AND impress the A & R rep, so I told Tryxy and Arnold Rolfson (that’s what A & R stands for) to talk amongst themselves and of course I went looking for the churro lady in the parking lot but there was a line!!!! Wouldn’t you know, no sooner had I gotten to the churro lady, a bus pulled up and I thought I saw Tryxy, #bestkitten, and Arnold Rolfson get on the bus!!! SO I Threw a hundred dollars at the churro lady and stole her cooler and broke for it.

She immediately tackled me and her one-eyed dog bit my shoe off my foot.

Sure enough, the bus was pulling away!!!

I threw another fifty dollars at the old lady and she and One-Eyed Rover laid off me. I started running after the bus, dragging the cooler behind me, but my speed was hampered since I was running with one shoe!!! Fortunately for me, ANOTHER bus pulled up beside me. I looked at it long enough to see that it was heading for Walpiskiddy Springs.

“AFter that bus!!” I yelled to the Djinn bus driver and threw a handful of churros at him (I had given the churro lady all my money.)

It’s now been three days. I finally picked all the churros out of my ears thanks to Mr. Temper Temper (that’s the bus driver) and I’m all out of food.

Here’s what I need you to do Gladys. Get in your car and follow the churro crumb trail out of town. I’ll need a ride home from Walpiskiddy Springs!!!!!

And then we can throw a party for Tryxy and #bestkitten!!!!

Pages next week!!!

xox,

X

THIS IS

INCREDIBLE.

SO LUCKY.

STILL HAVE

ONE

PROBLEM.

WE ONLY

HAVE

FIVE

SONGS.

HOW ARE

WE

SUPPOSED

TO IMPRESS

ARNOLD

ROLFSON

WITH

JUST

FIVE

SONGS?

So Glad You (Didn’t) Ask #84: A Column of Unsolicited Opinions

Chris M. Barkley

Unburdening Myself of Unfinished Business

By Chris M. Barkley: 

ITEM ONE: As we emerge from the cold and cloudless days of January and February, you would think that the prospect of sunny days, baseball, international football (soccer), the open swimming pools and children playing outside would bring some joy to my soul.

Every year for the past forty years or so, the coming of the so-called “Daylight Savings Time” fills me with sadness, anxiety, moodiness and lastly, anger. (Yes, I only appear to be a mild-mannered reporter for a daily metropolitan daily sf news zine.)

Because myself and most of my fellow North Americans have lost an hour’s sleep. And why?

Because the farmers, blah, blah, blah. And the kids getting on the bus in the dark, blah, blah. And commerce and businesses flourish, blah, blah, blah… 

When I was a young lad in the mid-1960’s, the prospect of time travel (in this fashion) was novel and exciting. Forward into the future and then returning back into the past a few months later was a perfectly appealing idea to my young mind.

But, as I got older, my priorities and attitude towards DST gradually changed. Just the thought of the approaching date brought on bouts of gnawing and persisting dread. Changing the clocks forth and back became (and still are) a hassle. And the loss of an hour’s sleep every spring is just plain wrong.

 I’m not going to bore everyone with its history, musings, opinions or statistics about whether we should choose to sat in “standard” or “daylight” time or why the DST should be hunted down with pitchforks and torches, staked through the heart and left burning in the noonday sun. 

Instead, I will leave you with a well known Native American aphorism:

“Only a white man would have you believe you could cut a foot off the top of the blanket, sew it onto the bottom of the blanket, and you’d be left with a longer blanket.”

Contact your congressional representative and Senators; they are the only ones who can kill this stupid and unhealthy abomination once and for all.

Enough. Said. 

ITEM TWO: On the morning of February 5, 2024, my audio interview with Dave McCarty was published here on File770.com.

As many of you may know, I distribute the daily “Pixel Scroll” and other standalone news items on eight sff Facebook groups and on the Bluesky app. (I have mostly avoided posting on X/Twitter since September 2023.) If there is something more important or pressing at hand, like an exclusive interview with Dave McCarty for example, I post a File 770 link to a more widespread group of forty groups…well, actually, thirty-nine as of today. Let me explain…

That particular morning, I started posting the interview to my usual group but when I came up to the Washington Science Fiction Association, I had to pause because I was served with a notice that stated that my posting privileges had been suspended:

“Your profile been (sic) suspended in this group. The admin has temporarily turned off your ability to post, comment and earn contribution points in the group until February 23, 2024, 10:19 AM.”

I was flabbergasted for several reasons, the first of which was that I had not received any notice of the suspension from any of the administrators, there was no previous indication of any trouble before that day. 

Since I was locked out of the page, there was no way to send a message to an admin, so I decided to shout out on my own page:

To the Washington Science Fiction Association Facebook Page:

While posting my latest File 770 column this morning, I found out that the admins of the Washington Science Fiction Association suspended my posting privileges on their page for three weeks. Apparently they found my most recent dispersing news on a regular basis either offensive and/or disturbing.

I have done my best to pass along vital and accurate information there for some time and I am HIGHLY upset that I was suspended without notification or an adequate explanation. Do I need to point out the parallels to what happened recently regarding the Chengdu Long List nominees?

As a journalist, I resent being effectively censored in this fashion; sf fans have every right to be informed, whether the news is for good or for ill, especially during these tumultuous times in sf fandom.

While I recognize that they have every right to run their page as they see fit, I find this action egregious, unnecessary and a disservice to the other members of the group. As a result of these actions I will be leaving the group later today.

Chris B.

During the course of that day, several friends offered advice and support, which, for the most part, I appreciated. Several suggested I reach out to the administrators to find out what the problem was. I wasn’t very receptive to doing that because I was very upset and the aggrieved party; so why would I do that? 

Two friends intervened on my behalf and made inquiries on my behalf. One reported in a direct message:   

Sent your message to the three admins. I’m guessing what set this off was the piece with the McCarty interview.”

I did not hear back from anyone else about this that day. And so, at a little after 10pm, the Washington Science Fiction Association page had one less member. 

My other friend sent me the following message in the early morning hours of the next day:

“Chris, you were paused by the moderator because they were traveling and could not monitor posts.

I sent back the following message:

Well, that’s a troubling explanation. Was this applied to everyone? Or just me? Because without a notification to me or on the page, it felt like I was being targeted.

Also  the period of time described in the suspension notice wasn’t for a period of days but weeks. 

So yeah, I’m having a hard time believing this.”

As of today, I have not been contacted by any of the admins involved nor have I been given an adequate explanation for their actions or offered an apology.

My reason for airing my grievance here and now is two-fold; this incident has been simmering with me for over five weeks and I felt the need to let loose before I lose my sanity, self esteem or both. Secondly, this is not my first rodeo with unresponsive page admins and frankly I’m becoming more and more disenchanted with social media and Facebook in particular.

And at its best, Facebook is a wonderful tool to keep in touch with friends and share ideas and opinions. But I am beginning to realize that for me, the pervasive and oftentimes intrusive effects of social media may outweigh its benefits. 

Lately, I have been contemplating leaving Facebook for good. Incidents like this just nudge me a little further towards doing that.

ITEM THREE: And then there was the matter of D.G. Valdron’s essay on Medium.com.

On February 18, Mr. Valdron, who describes himself on the website as a “Canadian Speculative Fiction and Pop Culture writer”, published an article that was ominously titled “Moral Compromise and the Lesson of the Hugos”.

Mr. Valdron, in an imperious and somewhat solemn tone, vaguely (and, mind you, without attribution) outlined the problems regarding the Chengdu Worldcon:

In 2023, the World Science Fiction Convention was held in Chengdu, China.

This was a little bit controversial, given the Chinese government’s genocidal actions regarding Ughyers and Tibetans, their authoritarian police state shtick, etc. But everyone went along with it. Why rock the boat?

The problem came with the Hugo Awards.

Now, the thing with the Hugos, is that everyone submits nominations, the Hugo Awards Committee vets the nominations, and a final list gets put out for the fans and convention members to vote on by secret ballot. Now, that’s how I understand it. I might have gotten some detail wrong, but I believe that’s the gist. It doesn’t matter.

Here’s what matters:

The Hugos were corrupted. The Hugo Awards Committee turns out to have been screening out the works of American, English and Chinese creators, on behalf of the Chinese government. Basically, anyone whose novel or background was critical of the Chinese government, or even politically sensitive, like mentioning Tibet, was dropped from the list.

But you know what strikes me?

It’s how trivial this is.

Forgive me, I’m sure it’s important to the people involved. Careers and friendships ended, a community rocked.

But let’s get a grip. Most people in North America have never even heard of the Hugos. Most people in North America are not science fiction writers, or readers. Hell, most people in North America are not readers.

The Hugos aren’t the Nobels, or the Pulitzers. In the larger scheme, they’re a minor award, restricted to a literary/social subculture which might result in a few extra sales and an ego boost.

No one’s life was at risk. No one’s freedom was imperiled. No huge sums of money, no public safety.

This was a small trivial thing.

In my cynical side, I suspect that most times, people would make the wrong moral choice, but hopefully, in the face of more pressure, or intimidation or incentive than this. Maybe I just want people to suffer more.

Anyway, we’ve been down this path before you and I. Sorry to belabour it. How we treat each other is a hobby horse of mine. I’ve had my tests, and I’ll have more. I’ve dealt with them.

What about you?

I’m SO GLAD you asked, sir.

Now, to be fair, Mr. Valdron is entitled to his opinion. And granted, what happened with the Chengdu Worldcon and the 2023 Hugo Awards is definitely not as important as the ongoing wars in Ukraine and the Gaza Strip, the current battle between democracy and fascism in the United States or our ever increasing concerns over climate change and various environmental crises all over the world.

What really ticked me off about D.G. Valdron’s article is his rather cavalier attitude towards what happened, the Hugo Awards and general air of disapproval of the fandom that supports it.  

Fantasy, science fiction and horror is, despite the bleating of insufferable academics and mainstream literary critics, a vital part of the tree of literature, and whose roots run a millenium or two deep.

Modern sff literature (and fandom) started over a hundred years ago when teenagers in the US and United Kingdom began to correspond, meet, talk and write about their mutual fascination. 

And out of those meetings came conventions, cosplay, and generations of aspiring publishers, writers, editors, artists, game creators, filmmakers, and commentators, like myself.

I have had the privilege of growing up in a period of this history to witness sff grow from being considered a freakish sideshow to becoming a dominant force in world culture.

And the Hugo Awards, for better or worse, have provided all of us with an invaluable anecdotal, year by year snapshot of what people thought about fantastic literature and the visual arts. Readers, writers, editors, artists and publishers look to it as a bellwether of the field’s vitality. 

So, no this is NOT “a small trivial thing,” Mr. Waldron.

And I find it very disappointing to see a member of our own community like yourself thinking so little of the situation as to look down your nose at the sff fandom and its history under the pretense of high handed criticism.

There is a term for this Mr. Waldron. 

It is called “bad form”.

ITEM FOUR: Having a little notoriety in your life can be fun. I have been a fan guest of honor at three conventions (Windycon in 2019, Astronomicon in 2021 and Confusion in 2023), a panelist art auctioneer at local, regional conventions and at Worldcons. I’ve been nominated for a Hugo Award twice (and may have even won one).

But speaking personally, I don’t go out of my way to seek it out. I know myself well enough to know that if my ego were well fed on a regular basis it would be to the detriment of myself and my family and friends.

So, as you can well imagine my quandary as the Chengdu Worldcon story grew exponentially, my name (as well as my co-author, Jason Sanford) popped in all sorts of media outlets like the Guardian (UK), NBC News, the Associated Press and the New York Times among others.

I was even interviewed by Andrew Linbong for National Public Radio, which, as a listener of fifty-plus years, was the thrill of a lifetime as far as I’m concerned.

But, there’s a downside as well. While I and Jason received universal praise for our reporting, we were also reminded that there are a lot of cranks out there who were more than willing to let the air out of tires, so to speak.

There were several that stood out; sff author Larry Correia was irked because of Jason and I had previously reported on and commented negatively against his involvements in the Sad/Angry/Rabid Puppy wars a decade ago. Frankly, having someone like Correia upset with me is a badge of honor as far as I’m concerned. (See my post on Bluesky.)

My partner Juli alerted me that some wag on Reddit had heard my interview with Dave McCarty and had come to the startling conclusion that I was actually in cahoots with him to cover up his complicity in the scandal. To which I replied that he had obviously seen far too many episodes of The Traitors reality competition show to be reasoned with. 

I was very heartened when I read that both Samantha Mills (author of the acclaimed short story “Rabbit Test”) and Adrian Tchaikovsky (who wrote The Children of Time series) had both decided not to acknowledge their Hugo Awards in the wake of the Chengdu scandal. 

Adversely, I received a bit of backlash from some people once I let it be known that I was going to keep my Hugo Award more as a keepsake and family heirloom than a personal achievement. 

I might have felt the same way as Ms. Mills and Mr. Tchaikovsky if I was sitting at home watching the Hugo Awards Ceremony at home and found out later that my presence on the ballot was dubious at best and that many Chinese writers and fans were most likely disenfranchised from the process.    

But, I went to China, had the time of my life, made the speech of my life and felt a close affinity for this award I thought I had rightly won. If anything, I wanted to be reminded of the trip, the people I met and befriended and the devastating revelations that followed.

Well, for a very vocal fringe minority of people, keeping this Hugo Award was tantamount to rooting for Lex Luthor, killing baby seals, helping the Houston Astros win the 2017 World Series or actually being a communist.

I laughed off nearly all of this outrage as either sour grapes, jealousy, pettiness or “virtue signaling”. In the course of all of this sturm and drang, I posted the following on Bluesky:

This generated a (unnecessarily snarky) response from @afab boyfriend:

It’s responses like these, that seemingly come out of the social ether that occasionally bother me, referring back to my general unease about social media. I don’t know this person and they CLEARLY don’t know me and yet it seems my comment struck a nerve that needed a pointed response. And I get it; I admit that in the past, I too, have sought out people I don’t know to comment on how reprehensible I thought their opinions or positions were, but tried to do so from a reasonable point of view and not to make it personal enough to hurt someone’s feelings.

THIS comment was meant to be both condemning AND personal. 

But, I decided to take the high road:

I followed that up with:

Case Closed, @afab boyfriend.

ITEM FIVE: Last week, this happened:

My response was:

Two things happened after I posted this; two days later, on Sunday March 10th, I fumbled my understanding of GMT time and Eastern Daylight Time (DAMN YOU AGAIN, DST) and as a result, both Juli and I logged onto the Glasgow Worldcon site three hours too late to nominate anything for this year’s Hugo Awards for the first time in more than a decade.

Even more ironically, I began to hear from friends and acquaintances who openly stated that despite my recusal of future nominations in my speech at the Chengdu Hugo Award Ceremony and my public statement on March 8th, people were still nominating me in the Best Fan Writer category.

Their reasons ranged from they viewed my “win” in Chengdu as invalid and they wanted me to have another chance or that my works from 2023 were quite worthy of consideration.

I have to admit that the idea of being nominated again in light of what happened last year excites me, but the other side of that coin brings feelings of despair. 

Do I actually deserve another nomination? Would I be depriving someone else of a nomination? And, what if I get that email in the next week or so; am I allowed to change my mind? 

My partner Juli says that she will abide by and support any decision I make, which is one of the many reasons why I love her so much.. The few friends I have asked about this dilemma all said I should take the nomination.

Right now, I have no idea what I should do.

Watch this space, readers…

Robert Tilendis Review: Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolates

Trader Joe’s Super Dark Chocolate

Trader Joe’s Super Dark Chocolate with Almonds

Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Truffle

Review by Robert Tilendis: Trader Joe’s may very well be the most socially conscious grocery store in the country. The Trader Joe’s website promises that everything packaged under the “Trader Joe’s” label offers no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives, no genetically modified ingredients, no MSG, and no added trans fats. In the case of Trader Joe’s Organic Chocolates, this also includes certification by both the USDA and Quality Assurance International, and since organic chocolate is the product of a fairly limited group of producers, it’s almost guaranteed that the growers are getting fair, and probably premium prices. So, how does all that social consciousness taste?

The Super Dark Chocolate is guaranteed 73% cacao, which pretty much insures a good, strong chocolate taste. The scent is comparatively pronounced, rich and earthy. The texture is somewhat brittle, while it turns a bit chewy in the mouth. There’s just enough sweetness in the bar to offset the bitterness of the chocolate, with a slight taste of blueberries and a bittersweet aftertaste.

The Super Dark Chocolate with Almonds has the same rich scent, the same texture. The almonds seem to provide crunch rather than flavor: any hint of almond is overpowered by the chocolate, which is very rich and fruity, with a hint of molasses — although there’s a also a hint of dryness in the aftertaste that may be almond after all. This is another 73% cacao offering, with just enough sweetness to offset the bitterness.

The Dark Chocolate Truffle surprised me somewhat. This bar contains 57% cacao, so the chocolate flavor is not so pronounced, although the texture is only slightly less brittle than the darker chocolates. The scent combines chocolate and nuts. It’s slightly sweet, tasting of berries. There is nothing particularly “truffle-y” about it, either in texture or flavor — it’s quite firm and not particularly rich-tasting.

OK — these are not the most drop-dead chocolates I’ve tasted recently, but they’re way up there — for a product that is not artisan-produced and is readily available, they’re very high quality.

Emails From Lake Woe-Is-Me — Fit the Hundred & Seventh

A dark forest sits beneath a starry sky. Creepy black goo drips over the scene. Whimsical white letters read: “Fit the Hundred & Seventh: Microstory: GO!”

[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]

MICROSTORY. GO!

Hello, All! Melanie here.

When last we left our heroes, Writer X was busy figuring out how to fit an entire epic fantasy story into just five hundred words for the Ink Black Coffee Club Critique Group’s Microfiction. She wasn’t the only one busy writing, Tryxy the demon has been trying to write more songs so that he and #bestkitten’s shows go longer than fifteen minutes.

Sometimes, you need less words. Sometimes, you need more. Sometimes, the story is in what you don’t say.

Without further ado…


Subject: How many words is in an an hour????

Dear Gladys,

I am a writer. I know you don’t know a lot of writers because we are so incredibly rare, EXTREMELY RARE. How many Brandon Sandersons do you know??? SO RARE.

But anyway, I was at the town’s monthly chamber of commerce networking event and I was talking to the seventy-six other writers there pushing their latest books and we were discussing how important word count is and how you have to be extremely economical with your words!!!! Us writers don’t just throw words aroound willy nilly!!! Words aren’t spaghetti!!!!!

I would have liked for the conversation to go on longer, but then came the portion of the event when we all throw around spaghetti, thanks to that no-good local Italian restaurant that caters. The worst food!!!!!

Believe it or not, I wasn’t there to push my own writing, even though I am the next big epic fantasy writer of all time. I’m a horse of many colors!!!! I was there in my role as the manager for Demonkitty, the next big epic demon and cat led musical act of all time!!!! Particularly to confront someone about a disagreement over a bale of hay.

Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writintg is going.

I’m am still working away at my completely epic story that will be all things to all people, have magic, and battles, and love triangles, and also be under five hundred words.

Bevvy Hart has informed me that I have until the end of today to get my story finished so that it can be included in the microfiction anthology that our writing group is putting out. Because I am just so incredible with my attentiveness to words and do not waste a SINGLE ONE, I have been able to write something AMAZING. Every word is perfect. It was extremely hard to pull off, but I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but I am the next big epic fantasy writer of all time and of course I have been up to the task. Not wasting any words!!!!!

But that’s not why I’m writing you. I’m writing you because I need to know how many words are in an hour. Tryxy and I agreed that you would probably know. You see, he’s been having a bit of a hard time.

Last week was his show outside the tractor haul and their set only lasted nineteen minutes!!!  And that was with their two new songs, Meow! and Meow Meow!, AND with the crowd pleasing barfing rainbows act!!!! The agreed upon artist fee was two baskets of curly fries and a bale of hay but that was for A HALF HOUR SHOW!!!!!

When Demonkitty couldn’t play for the full thirty minutes, the promoter gave them two soggy baskets of unseasoned curly fries and said he wouldn’t cough up the hay bale if I stuck a fork in him!!!! IT absolutely crushed Tryxy’s self esteem. I know that he may be four thousand or so years old, but he’s an adolescent demon!!! His brain’s not even fully developed!!!!! 

THERE WAS A LOT RIDING ON THAT BALE OF HAY, GALDSY!!!!!

Tryxy and I did the math, and even if we include ALL the meows in his songs, they have 750 words and that isn’t enough to fill the hour long set I booked for them next week at the bus stop!!!!!! If they don’t play a full hour, then they won’t receive the agreed upon artist’s fee of

I apologize for my extended absence from writing this email. Usually I tell you when I have to stop writing my emails and do something else, but I got an AWFUL text message from Bevvy Hart.

SHE CUT MY WORD COUNT DOWN TO TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY WORDS!!!!!!

I had to stop writing this email WRITE AWAY and go work on my story which has now been completely mauled by Bevvy’s miserly word count allowance!!!!!!

Hang on, Gladys, the tractor haul promoter is asking me to lower him a sponge soaked with water. PEOPLE ARE SO DEMANDING!!!!

But none of this is important write now because I need you to take a look at my new version of my story. I had to cut out a couple scenes with mushrooms, but otherwise, I managed to keep everything mostly the same.


UNTITLED EPIC MICROFICTION

by Writer X

Orphan. Village. Old grandma. Prophecy. Cabbages. Troll Invasion. Where did grandma go? With the trolls! Adventure: GO!

Orphan girl: Beautiful. Rogue boy: Hot. Fangs for some reason. Knight boy: troubled. sexy dad bod. Oh look, they’re looking for grandma. Oh look, they don’t get along!

Suddenly: THRUPPLE. Whooo yeah.

Somehow an army. Knight boy joins but to avenge his sister’s death by killing commander. SO THAT’S WHY HE’S TROUBLED. Orphan girl and rogue boy: betrayed and abandoned. But enjoying extra space in bed roll.

KIDNAPPED BY TROLLS. Oh, there you are grandma! Grandma, why is your face gone? The rage! The horror! Suddenly magic powers activate! FLASH OF LIGHT! TROLLS: DECIMATED.

Knight boy sees light from yonder valley. Misses Orphan Girl and Rogue Boy ‘cause they give good lovin’. Commander knows prophecy. GO TO THE LIGHT, MEN!

Orphan Girl: What’s wrong with me? Why did I kill all those trolls? Who am I even anyway?

Rogue BOy: You’re a monster like me. That’s why Knight boy didn’t want us.

Orphan Girl: I have to keep believing.

Rogue Boy: Don’t stop believing. It’s what I love about you.

Orphan Girl: Grandma! You’re alive? But your face!

Army closes in. Want Orphan Girl’s power! Knight boy stalks Commander. Trolls descend. Epic Battle: GO!

Grandma screaming on the mountain. The words of the prophecy! The trolls are the good guys! No one’s listening! Knight boy stabs commander. Is stabbed too! Oh no! Will he die?

Stay tuned. Part Two next anthology. Read it!


Well?? What do you think??? I keep feeling like it’s missing something. Maybe the mushrooms. Oh well, I just have to trust the fact that everything I write is brilliant and hit send!!!

Pages next week, Gladys!!!

xox,

X

DON’T

KNOW HOW

WE’LL HAVE

ENOUGH

SONGS FOR

NEXT WEEK

SHOW. BEING

FAMOUS

IS HARD.

FORTUNATELY

HAVE THIS

BALE OF

HAY TO

HOLD.

DON’T WANT

TO DO

COVERS.

DON’T

STOP

BELIEVING.

Denise Dutton Review: Carletti’s Jakobsen Coffee Time Chocolate Collection

Review by Denise Kitashima Dutton: Danish chocolates? Don’t mind if I do!  Especially when the package itself gives me a great excuse to indulge. Coffee time? Yes please! And while these chocolates  would go great with coffee, I had mine with a stout, and then a mug of green tea. I was pleased. 

Rather than doing one long slog as I describe things, let’s do it piece by piece, shall we? 

  • Milk chocolate & toffee = more like a Carmello  with that nice, liquidy filling. Yes, there’s a toffee flavor, but the runny filling is more like a very soft caramel. That’s a good thing.
  • Dark chocolate & mint = wowza that mint is strong! And also very artificial tasting. Blew my wig back y’all. It’s like a melted candy cane, and not in a good way. It’s very oozy, but as much as I love it ooze and the crisp but luscious dark chocolate? I can’t handle that much mint. I let the filling drip out of the second piece, and ate the chocolate. I ain’t ashamed.
  • White chocolate with marzipan & orange filling = this one I dreaded. I don’t typically like white chocolate unless it’s in a cookie, and orange sweets aren’t my bag. However, this turned out to be one of my favorites. The mix of marzipan and orange balance nicely, and the white chocolate takes a back seat to those yummy fillings. (Okay in all honesty, there’s a touch of dark chocolate on the top and bottom of each piece. But that makes no real headway in the flavor profile.)
  • Milk chocolate with nougat and hazelnut = a popular blend, and for good reason. That smooth hazelnut filling plays extremely well with the milk chocolate. The hazelnut is a crispy and gave a great crunch. On to the next piece, or I may find I’ve had my Milk Chocolate Haters Club card revoked.
  • Dark chocolate & ginger flavored toffee = as with the mint and regular toffee, this filing is weepy. Unlike the other two, there’s substantially more chocolate here, and that’s a good thing. Too much ginger filling may have been overkill, as it was with the mint. Instead, there’s a hint of liquid filling in a crunchy chocolate cup, hinting at a nice seasonal gingerbread-esque flavor. Each piece is set into a stiff foil mini-cup, in case things try to leak out of sides. I had no trouble with wannabe escape artists here. And now I know that dark chocolate and gingerbread go well together. Thank you, Jakobsen.
  • Dark chocolate with marzipan and whole almond = okay, this one’s my absolute favorite of the bunch. I may not like amaretto, but I dig a good marzipan. And this one’s good. Topping it off with a macron almond is almost gilding the lily, but the marzipan stands tall. It’s not overly sweet, which for me is a mark of well done marzipan, with nary a whiff of added flavor to ruin things. (Artificial almond flavor is the devil. There, I’ve said it.)

Before this, I hadn’t heard of Jakobsen chocolates. But then I realized they’re from Carletti, the folks who make Big Ben Licorice. Ah, that I know. And now that I’ve tried these chocolates, I have two favorites from this company. Never a good thing to play favorites; you never know what you’ll miss. I found that out with the delightful white chocolate bits in this box, and now I know there’s more to this brand than packets of pre-wrapped sweets. I feel so educated.


Denise Kitashima Dutton has been a reviewer since 2003, and hopes to get the hang of things any moment now. She believes that bluegrass is not hell in music form, and that beer is better when it’s a nitro pour. Besides GMR, you can find her at Atomic Fangirl, Movie-Blogger.com, or at that end seat at the bar, multi-tasking with her Kindle.

So Glad You (Didn’t) Ask #83: A Column of Unsolicited Opinions

DUNE Part 2: A (Relatively) Spoiler Free Review

By Chris M. Barkley:

DUNE, Part Two (**** out of 4 stars, 165 minutes) with Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, Rebecca Fergeson, Stellan Skarsgård, Javiar Bardem, Dave Bautista, Austin Butler, Florence Pugh, Léa Seydoux, Charlotte Rampling, Josh Brolin and Chris topher Walken. Screenplay adaptation by Jon Spaihts and Denis Villeneuve from the novel by Frank Herbert, directed by Villeneuve. 

Bechtel Test: PASS.

L-R, Rebecca Fregeson (Jessica Atreides), Zendaya (Chani), Javiar Bardem (Stilgar) and Timothée Chalamet (Paul Atreides). Photo courtesy of Warner Brothers

When film reviewers and critics refer to the most successful (English language) movie sequels, they usually cite the two that easily come to mind, The Godfather Part II (1974) and Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back (1980).

Both films have a lot in common; its predecessors, The Godfather and Star Wars: A New Hope were a smashing opening act, critically and at the box office, both were a visual feast for the eyes and had compelling characters and story arcs that had audiences all over the world thirsting for more.

And, most importantly, once they were announced by their respective studios, they were hotly anticipated by everyone. And if they had fallen flat at the box office, Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas would have been practically unhireable and the cinematic landscape you and I know today probably would have been vastly different. Because even in this day and age, there are no sure bets at the box office (as the makers of last December’s Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom can readily attest to).

But soon, Dune Part 2 may well enter this rarified cinemanic pantheon, as well.

Writer/Director Denis Villeneuve’s 2021 Dune Part One had a bit of a stumble coming out of the gate; his distributing studio, Warner Brothers, decided to release his film simultaneously in theaters and on its streaming platform (then called HBO Max) during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Villeneuve, who had dreamed of adapting Frank Herbert’s classic book for decades, was fearful that a poor box office performance would diminish the chances of finishing the second half of the novel. But, even though Part One grossed an anemic $110 million dollars in North America, it took in almost $325 million in overseas revenue, won six Academy Awards in technical categories and became an instant cultural phenomenon. 

Warner Brothers and its producing partner, Legendary Films, rolled the dice and officially greenlit Part 2 in October 2022, a month and a half after its debut at the Venice Film Festival and one day after it premiered in the United States.

Dune Part 2 picks up almost immediately after the end of Part One, with Paul Atreides (Timothée Chalamet) and his pregnant mother, Jessica (Rebecca Fergeson) on the run from the forces of their sworn enemies, the House of Harkonnen

Among the indigenous Fremen of Arrakis, Paul forges a political relationship with Stilgar (Javiar Bardem), an influential chief, and a romantic one with Chani (Zendaya), a freedom fighter who teaches him the ways of her people and of the desert.

Meanwhile, forces are coalescing against the survivors; the Emperor Shaddam IV (Christopher Walken) and his daughter Princess Irulan (Florence Pugh) know that their precarious position as the head of the galactic empire depends on the flow of spice used in space navigation and that their treacherous deal with Baron Harkonnen (Stellan Skarsgård) to destroy House Atreides must never see the light of day.

As the Baron and his brutal nephews, Rabban (Dave Bautista) and Feyd-Rautha (Austin Butler) try to bring the Fremen to heel with escalating attacks on their homesteads, Paul tries to grapple with his troubling and fragmented visions of his possible futures and contend with the machinations of his mother, who is using her religious training of the Bene Gesserit to make him their leader.

As with Dune Part 1, Part 2 is a virtual master class in production design, editing, special effects, stunt coordination, acting and execution.

And I can well imagine that there are a lot of people who may not read Frank Herbert’s novel, may view both films as a sweeping, epic story of personal resilience and revenge. And they would be only half right.

Because if they had, they might have realized that Herbert never meant Paul Atreides to be heroic in the traditional sense of more recent well known cultural icons like Luke Skywalker, Katniss Everdeen, Clark Kent or Ellen Ripley, but as a tragic anti-hero in every sense of the word.

Paul starts out as a staunch defender of his adopted Fremen clan and vehemently resists becoming their messianic leader. But, as you will see, he makes a series of choices that will ensure his revenge on the Harkonnens and plunge the galaxy into chaos. Once again, Timothée Chalamet more than proves he‘s up to the task, showing Paul’s descent into a calculated and murderous rage that is quite comparable to Al Pacino’s performance in The Godfather films.

The major change screenwriters Jon Spaihts and Denis Villeneuve made to the narrative was to make Chani the person who sees through Paul’s bullshit instead of his willing concubine. As the climax of the movie unfolds, you can see the shock, anger and betrayal in Chani’s eyes and Zendaya delivers these emotions with devastating effect.

Dune, as Frank Herbert envisioned it, is a huge salad bowl of concerns; a speculative exploration of a made up ecology, war, power mongering, colonialism and, in particular, against religious fundamentalism and toxic mythologies. Written as America was beginning a disastrous military entanglement in Vietnam, Dune endures as a stark warning against all of those things. 

Dune Part 2 is well on its way to becoming the first blockbuster film of the year and it is inevitable that Denis Villeneuve will be making the next book in the series, Dune Messiah

That novel was not well received in 1969 because it highlights the consequences of Paul’s actions. 

But, with the emotional rift between Chani and Paul coupled with the ongoing conflict between the remaining Houses, the Fremen and the Bene Gesserit, there will be plenty of material for Villeneuve and his merry band magic makers to adapt. 

And I can’t wait to see what they do with it. 

The High Ground: Guest Post by James Bacon

By James Bacon: I cannot actually recall exactly when I saw the episode “The High Ground”, but I am sure it was in Malahide, County Dublin, at Ireland’s greatest Star Trek convention, Timewarp, held on the 6th and 7th of March 1993.

In Dublin, Ireland, we would have been watching RTE or BBC for ST:TNG episodes, months and years after airing in the US. Fans of course would work around problems, would communicate and share videos. NTSC ones would come over and be shown at gatherings in sitting rooms, evening events and conventions. It was a massive amount of excitement. 

The British Broadcasting Corporation, a public service broadcaster funded by government imposed TV licences, was never what I would call an impartial player. Although they aspire in these modern times to be impartial, their reportage of matters relating to Ireland was very poor. 

The level of probing and enquiry was non-existent at times and when British Army Officers said something had happened in the 1970’s, the BBC willingly reported it as accurate, factual, and then decades later happy to blame those who told the mistake ridden story. 

“The High Ground” was banned by the BBC. 

RTE the Irish National Broadcaster, not known for its liberal view at the best of times also decided to ban it. 

Historically it was not the only Star Trek episode that was banned by the BBC. The BBC, who had the rights to show the original Star Trek series, and where I first saw the series in the eighties, would not show “Miri”,  “Plato’s Stepchildren”,  “The Empath”, or “Whom Gods Destroy”. These were deemed too much for children, and indeed “Miri” had been received by the British public with much concern and complaint. 

Repeatedly fans asked for the episodes to be shown, and they were shown in Britain in the 70’s at Star Trek Conventions. The BBC stated upon repeated request that “After very careful consideration a top level decision was made not to screen the episodes entitled ‘Empath’, ‘Whom Gods Destroy’, ‘Plato’s Stepchildren’ and ‘Miri’, because they all dealt most unpleasantly with the already unpleasant subjects of madness, torture, sadism and disease.”

It will not go amiss amongst fans that “Plato’s Stepchildren” is a vital episode, when it comes to diversity, as it featured the kiss between Lieutenant Uhura and Captain Kirk. 

Gene Roddenberry spoke at a Newcastle convention in 1984 about it, and was clearly unhappy that they were not to be shown. Fans were vocal, and also persistent in writing letters and making their concerns known. 

As well as banning four episodes, the heavy hand of the censor from the BBC was at play and many episodes had adjustments made. “The Man Trap”, “Patterns Of Force”, “Bread And Circuses” and the “Enemy Within” had scenes of violence removed. 

Seven episodes were edited for time, but it was not clear if this was pureley for time reasons, or because some sensibility in the BBC was offended or concerned. In one instance, “Arena” was edited and the BBC took time to tell the Star Trek Action Group that “it is not BBC practice to show the exact process by which gunpowder is made… to prevent the children emulating their heroes”.

Sky One, a satellite channel, did a deal with the BBC to air TOS in 1990 and they showed all the episodes and so were the first channel to show the three season 3 episodes ever in Britain. Sky’s run were the ones I recall watching avidly, every day, at 5pm if I recall correctly. The BBC did show them, themselves, in 1994 and indeed these were new copies. Which was good. 

The Next Generation therefore, so many years after The Original Series would escape the censor redaction methods, you might think, and as you know, they weren’t.

TNG episodes “Conspiracy” and “The Icarus Factor” were edited by the BBC and later some episode fell foul to the The British Board of Film Classification (BBFC), previously the British Board of Film Censors. 

Yet “High Ground” was not shown by the BBC in the UK and Ireland, or by RTE, the Irish National Broadcaster at all. It was still worthy of a BBC news article in 2007, when a Northern Ireland Arts Festival deemed to show it and again more recently.

The BBC was no fan of science fiction in my view and would dump Doctor Who and had little interest in Star Trek in 1987 when TNG aired in the USA. So it was that TNG was first aired in the UK and Ireland by the BBC on the 26th of September 1990, quite some time after it had been shown in the USA, and luckily for me, I was already a comics fan who enjoyed Star Trek, and unaware and so it was exciting, as so much happened so quickly. 

Sometimes as I watched it, I would get a  bit confused, not unsurprisingly when one considers that the BBC showed many of the  first season episodes out of order. I was no hardcore fan, my friends were watching it, I enjoyed, and my pals like Mick and Phil were avid fans, and one watched and enjoyed it and chatted about it.

At this time Star Trek became huge in Ireland. Octocon, the National SF convention in 1992 was mislabelled as a Star Trek event and it caused so many difficulties, doubling attendees to over 600 as hundreds more people turned up than expected. To the disdain of many, this was not the plan, but to others, this was opportunity.

Star Trek fandom exploded, and many who ran Octocon joined other fans and helped start a Star Trek fanclub, Starbase Ireland which ran events, Federation Day, and as a club, I joined. There were many conventions, there were multiple Irecon’s, Q-Con with John De Lancie in attendance, VisiCon with Nana Visitor.

But really in 1993 there was Timewarp, which was amazing. Again, the Octocon peeps had a major hand amongst others, which in many ways was brilliant. Philippa and Helen Ryder and Noreen Monahan had chaired the first three Octocons successfully, and there was a changing of the guard after 1992 that was tricky, but which saw Pádraig Ó Méalóid step into the breach to co-chair with Jame’s Peart and I was welcomed from staffer, to committee at only 18, and joined the likes of Maura McHugh onto the Octocon committee.

Timewarp at the time was Ireland’s largest conventions with well over 1,000 people and a fabulously amazing event. It was exciting. I watched on a lot, and many of my friends really embraced it all, while I enjoyed the bits I enjoyed, and longed for more Star Wars, worked the Octocon fan table, drank and danced.

I cannot recall where I saw “High Ground”, but know that it was at Timewarp for sure, absolutely, one hundred percent, I think. There was excitement about its screening, and I may have seen it there as it was exclusively shown. 

And, this was all great. One doesn’t need to be fully immersed in a fandom to enjoy it, and I found this with Trek, meeting some great people, with massive passions and enjoying their company, and indeed, mocking the Red Shirts for their heavy handedness, as the Ops team were as ever zealous about their duties and all in Red shirts, some good pals to this day, 31 years later.

George Takei was a phenomenal guest, his spirit and humour, and generosity was incredible. (See RTÉ Archives: “Star Trek Boldly Goes To Malahide”.)

“The High Ground”, originally aired in 1990, was not due to air until early January 1992, as the BBC showed the episodes weekly from 1990, and it just was never shown. This may sound odd to the US fan, but unfortunately the US got to see tv and films months ahead of Europe. 

The BBC lost the rights to show Star Trek, which given it was BBC2’s highest rating TV, was typical.  And so to the few moments of science fiction, with an alternative history, that saw two national broadcasters ban Star Trek

Here is an excerpt from the script, written by Melinda Snodgrass, to help illustrate how quick this was. I was expecting a hotbed of rebellious sentiment and anarchism, the cook book open, and a preparedness to really agitate. Instead, there are a few thoughtful lines between Picard and Data, and I often wonder if the same lines would work between Kirk and Spock, they were mere utterances, a little alternative history in a science fiction programme. 

DATA: Dimensional shifting is such an unstable procedure, sir, that I cannot say. Sir, I am finding it difficult to understand many aspects of Ansata conduct. Much of their behavioral norm would be defined by my programme as unnecessary and unacceptable. 

PICARD: By my programme as well, Data.

DATA: But if that is so, Captain, why are their methods so often successful? I have been reviewing the history of armed rebellion and it appears that terrorism is an effective way to promote political change.

PICARD: Yes, it can be, but I have never subscribed to the theory that political power flows from the barrel of a gun.

DATA: Yet there are numerous examples where it was successful. The independence of the Mexican State from Spain, the Irish Unification of 2024, and the Kensey Rebellion.

PICARD: Yes, I am aware of them.

DATA: Then would it be accurate to say that terrorism is acceptable when all options for peaceful settlement have been foreclosed?

PICARD: Data, these are questions that mankind has been struggling with throughout history. Your confusion is only human.

Confusion over complex human issues, is not a poor thing. It seemed, even in context of the overall episode, mild. 

The Troubles started in 1968, and the death toll peaked in 1972 with nearly 500 people killed. The Seventies were extraordinarily brutal, and between 1973 and 1976 the toll was between 250 and 300 a year, then it went to around 100 a year, dropping to a low of 57 in 1985. But for 1988, it was 105 and 1989 was 75 and by 1991 ninety-six people who died seemed all too real. All too horrible, and all so distant from Dublin, where I was immersed in comics, science fiction, and the ideas of going to conventions. It seemed far away, and by the time I was dating a Star Trek fan from Portadown in 1995 it was all quiet and coming to an end.

So, it was a raw time for sure. 1992 was a year of much sorrow. The Teebane bombing saw eight Protestant workmen killed, a RUC police officer reportedly distraught by the killing of a colleague shot dead two Sinn Féin activists and one civilian. The Sean Graham bookmakers’ shooting saw Five Catholic men and boys killed and then another betting shop in Belfast saw the killing of three Catholic civilians. Coalisland RUC base in County Tyrone was attacked, and the British Army ambushed the unit, killing two. A truck bomb at the Baltic Exchange in London killed three civilians and caused £800 million worth of damage. Cloghoge checkpoint was bombed, killing a soldier and wounding 23.  The Coalisland riots saw a variety of violence, resulting in rioters being shot at, while a soldier was killed by sniper. A 2000 lb bomb at the Northern Ireland Forensic Science Laboratory in South Belfast. The laboratory was obliterated, seven hundred houses were damaged, and 20 people were injured. These are just the larger occurrences, so many injuries and punishment beatings or shootings, and the horror of war. 

So it was a time of violence and sensitivity. Yet, fans were travelling up and down across the border, and enjoying conventions and good company, regardless of religion. It felt like a dreadful imposition to be not allowed to watch a simple TV programme, and a continuation of the heavy handedness of government backed broadcasters. Yet, it really didn’t matter, it was just another challenge for fans. 

And fans worked around it. When Sky One showed it, it was edited and only broadcast unedited in May 2006. Indeed, the BBC showed this unedited version in September 2007. Seventeen years after its screening.

The fannish relationships transcended sectarianism; guests at science fiction conventions would be from all sides of the border and it made no difference at all. I never heard a fan use the episode to justify or politicise an element of the Troubles, and indeed, this article may be about as political as it has been, my own cynicism and disdain for authority showing through.

It was a great time for fans, joined in the universal desire to have a good time, hang out, take part in raffles, drink, and meet and chat and make friends.

Despite 1992 being a dreadfully violent year, the Northern Ireland peace process was near, initially privately behind closed doors, and in 1994 the provisional IRA had a ceasefire and despite a return to violence, there was a second ceasefire and  the Good Friday Agreement in 1998, saw politics take centre stage. 

I was so surprised when I saw “The High Ground”. It was possibly more of an analog of the American Revolutionary War rather than the Troubles and indeed Washington was referenced. Was he a terrorist who won? It is a wonderful question, and of course years before America herself became such a large terrorist target. 

It sounded like Picard was trying to show Data that the complexities of human affairs are confusing, and difficult, and it was such a quick reference, and such a short set of lines, that, why would anyone get upset about it too much. Yet that was the way it was, while some castigate the way American TV has portrayed some European elements and indeed, I was not always impressed as expressed already, I thought that it was bit much to ban this episode, and was a bit nonplussed by it all.

That was OK. I recall being much more interested in dancing with friends at Timewarp, and meeting fans from a different heritage, background and community to my own, and not really being too worried about the politics and more worried about whether the next song would be good for us to dance to, Star Trek fandom doing its bit for cross community relationships, bringing diversity together, overcoming societal bigotry and not at all being the concern that must have been on the mind of the censors.  


This article originally appeared in edited form in Journey Planet in 2018, all and any inaccuracies are the fault of the correspondent’s flawed memory.

Denise Dutton Review: Smashmallow’s Cinnamon Churro Marshmallows

Review by Denise Dutton: ‘Tis the season for warm festive beverages! And for all the things to top ’em. Nutmeg for nog, a cinnamon stick for mulled goodness, and for folk who partake of animal products (ex: gelatin), marshmallows for coffee and chocolate-centric libations. I have a love-hate relationship with marshmallows. I love how they bob on the top of my drink, but hate that most of the time I’m left with a soggy bit of ‘mallow bloof (it’s a word because I just used it) as I empty my mug. However, that’s about to change, thanks to Smashmallow.

Opening the bag there’s a strong cinnamon sugar and vanilla smell that makes me want to stick my head into the bag. The marshmallows themselves are nice and spongy, softer than what you’d get in your usual “put ‘em on a stick for s’mores” mallows. They’re also little cubes, rather than the typical cylindrical bits.

But how do they taste? Yummy. Picking a piece out of the bag, I notice that each one is liberally coated in chunky granules of cinnamon sugar. The sugar is a light beige, but the ‘mallow itself is the usual pure white. These pieces are also a whole lot airier and lighter than the usual stuff, making them almost too easy to eat. Being so light and airy, these ‘mallows melt rather quickly when plopped into hot beverages. I tried one in a piping hot mocha, and the square looked absolutely adorable floating on top…and then boom, before I knew it, it was gone, leaving a nice creamy topping on my drink. Yeah, regular marshmallows melt too, but these ‘mallows go down fast. And I actually dig that; I like to blend in my topping, not just have disappointment dregs oozing around the bottom of a finished cup. 

No disappointment here; in fact a nice hint of cinnamon was added to my drink, along with the added sweetness. (I don’t know if I’d recommend adding these to cocoa, unless you’re seriously down with the sweet. If you are – salut!) I know think of these ‘mallows as Stealth Mallows, because they melt into a drink like a ninja into shadows.

They’re also sneaky. (These ‘mallows, not ninjas; we already know ninjas can be sneaky.) I told myself I was going to limit my Smashmallow consumption to one plain one, and one in my mocha. Then I found myself reaching into the bag for another one, as if my hand had a will of its own. I should probably take these upstairs. But maybe one more. Then I’ll stop. Promise.


Denise Kitashima Dutton has been a reviewer since 2003, and hopes to get the hang of things any moment now. She believes that bluegrass is not hell in music form, and that beer is better when it’s a nitro pour. Besides GMR, you can find her at Atomic Fangirl, Movie-Blogger.com, or at that end seat at the bar, multi-tasking with her Kindle.

Jack Merry Review: Folkmanis Puppet: Enchanted Tree

Review by Jack Merry: All Jacks are storytellers and I’ve been known to weave many a tale late at night by the roaring fireplace in the Robert Graves Memorial Reading Room in the Kinrowan Estate Library. And I’ve used many a Folkmanis puppet including what I call The Rodents of An Unusual Size and the lovely red fox as they are perfect for storytelling — durable and creatively made!

It’s an Ent! Well sort of. What Folkmanis calls this incredibly interesting creation is an Enchanted Tree Puppet but it really could be a small version of one of those creatures to be used in telling the story of them as they are a race of beings in Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings who closely resemble trees. They are similar to the talking trees in many traditions around the world with their name being derived from the Anglo-Saxon word for giant.

It certainly looks like an Ent — though it is what they call a character puppet with a moveable mouth, a bristly mustache and branches. You can also move its blue eyes. There are a few oversized green leaves on the top branches, and a red topped toadstool in one of its hands.  This puppet is about fifteen inches tall, not as big as I’d might have liked it to be, but big enough to entertain listeners in a circle around a teller of tales.

If you combine it with one of the small Wolf puppets that Folkmanis has released, you could tell the tale of Ygggdrasil and Fenris, the wolf that tries to destroy that World Tree in the Norse myths. Or perhaps you could tell the story of the Indian Tree of the Sun and the Moon that told the future. If you’re good at voices, you can be the two aspects of the tree trunk, which depended on the time of day; in the daytime the tree spoke as a male and at night it spoke as a female. Did you know that Alexander the Great and Marco Polo are said to have consulted this leafy oracle?

Whatever you use it for, it is indeed a wonderful puppet — certainly one of the most imaginative creations from a company that has done many, many fine puppets down the years! I’ll certainly tell many a fine tale with it!


Jack Merry — I’m a fiddler, contradance caller, and a teller of tales. I like Guinness poured properly and served warm of course, red heads, and short stories with a touch of the fantastic in them. I like The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings for my winter reading.

Emails From Lake Woe-Is-Me — Fit the Hundred & Sixth

A dark forest sits beneath a starry sky. Creepy black goo oozes over the scene. Whimsical white letters read: “Fit the Hundred and Sixth: Cramming the Macro into Microfiction.”

[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA.]

CRAMMING THE MACRO INTO MICROFICTION

Hello, All! Melanie here.

Last week, we learned about Demonkitty’s long anticipated show at Mr. Morgan’s new sushi counter. With Writer X’s focus on boosting Demonkitty’s burgeoning music career, there’s been little news of any writing getting done!

Without further ado…


Subject: MICROVACATION, HERE I COMES!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Gladys,

I am writing to ask that you water my exploding gerbils while I’m away, but watch out for Miffy, she bites.

Since Demonkitty’s show last week at the sushi counter was an unparalleled success, my boyfriend, award nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, and I are taking what’s known as a Microvacation to celebrate before Demonkitty’s big show at the tractor haul next week. We’re going to a ghost hotel in Bleakwood for the night!!!! This is going to be so relaxing!!!!

I have so many things planned: water aerobics, bowling, astral massage, and a special tuba playing workshop for the undead!!! Just some light activity for the first two hours after our arrival. You see, it’s a microvacation, Gladsy, you have to fit MORE in less time.

Anyhoo, I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. Well, I went to a meeting of the Ink Black Coffee Club Critique Group and it turns out no one in our writing group has gotten any real writing done since NaNoMochaChocaLatte.

After some reflection, we all discovered that we’re feeling very unrecognized for all our hard work as writers. See, that’s the thing about writing Galdsy, you can pour hours and hours and HOURS into a half finished rough draft and no one throws a parade!!! The conditions under which writers must toil before anyone says boo are ABSOLUTELY INHUMANE!!!!!

But I digress. We’ve all decided that the thing that will give us both the writing recognition we feel we deserve AND give us motivation to write is to release a microfiction anthology.

Now Gladys, I know you’re not a writer and the ways of writing are very hard for nonwriters like yourself to decipher—hang on, Miffy is chewing off her brother Milton’s ear.

As I was saying,

Well. There went Milton. Just a pile of ash. Good thing I still have Miffy, Gordon, Mango, Mitsy, and Jordan Peterson’s Ego!!!! And even better that you’ll be coming over to keep them watered while I’m away living my best life for the next 20 hours!!!!!!

As I was saying. The ways of writing are hard for nonwriters to decipher and so I’m sure you have never heard of microfiction. Microfiction is a form of flash fiction that ranges from 100 – 500 words. This means it’s EXTREMELY EASY to write and I already know I’m going to be AMAZING at this.

Usually when I write a story that’s long, I run out of ideas about ninety pages in. BUT since our critique group has set the limit to 300 words, this is going to be a WALK IN THE PARK.

Hang on. Mitsy has set fire to my suitcase and three of my duvets. No one could have seen that coming!!!!!!

…Probably shouldn’t let the exploding gerbils run around on our bed. 

Anyhoo, where was I? Right!!!! 300 words is going to be incredibly easy and I have NO SHORTAGE OF IDEAS. This microfiction is going to be all things to all people!!!! It’s going to have high magic, betrayal, vampire sex, AND the sudden revelation that an orphan is the child of the prophecy. IT’s going to have thrilling dialogue, at least twelve elves, an epic battle, and a scene in a fishing village that will REALLY drive home my theme about the human connection to our grandfathers.

Gladys, I’m so excited!!!! This is going to be my next published work!!!

Goodbye, Mango. You lived as you loved; pooping uncontrollably and chewing through discarded paper towel rolls.

To celebrate my coming success, I’m going to add hang gliding and learning German to my microvacation. There’s absolutely nothing that can rain on my parade!!!!!!

Miffy just bit off Jordan Peterson’s Ego’s tail.

Eh. He didn’t need it.

Now I just have to figure out two things: how to fit my hang gliding equipment into my carry-on suitcase AND how to fit an epic battle into three words!!!!! EPIC BATTLE TAKES TWO!!!!!

You’re coming to the show at the tractor haul, right????

Pages next week, Galdsy!!!!! KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON YOUR FINGERS!!!!!

xox,

X

WROTE

TWO NEW

SONGS

THIS

WEEK.

THAT

WAY

WE’LL

HAVE

MORE

THAN

THREE

SONGS TO

PLAY

AT THE

TRACTOR

HAUL.

ONE’S

CALLED

“MEOW”

AND

THE

OTHER

ONE IS

“MEOW

MEOW.”

“MEOW

MEOW”

IS

GENIUS.