Emails From Lake Woe-Is-Me — Fit the Seventy-Fourth

[Introduction: Melanie Stormm continues her humorous series of posts about the misdirected emails she’s been getting. Stormm is a multiracial writer who writes fiction, poetry, and audio theatre. Her novella, Last Poet of Wyrld’s End is available through Candlemark & Gleam. She is currently the editor at the SPECk, a monthly publication on speculative poetry by the SFPA. Find her in her virtual home at coldwildeyes.com. Wipe your feet before entering.]

VERSCHLIMMBESSERUNG

Hallo, All. Melanie here!

Last week, Writer X and Tryxy traveled to Massachusetts so that X’s boyfriend, Tod, could be treated by a Litraumatologist—that is a physician that treats trauma caused by literature. In her quest to be the next big epic fantasy writer of all time, zero words were written by Writer X.

Meanwhile in Cradensburg, the owners of the Mysterious Complex under construction hired a local PR team to help them rehabilitate their reputation after the “clock tower incident.” Just who are the owners? No one knows yet. Members of the Ink Black Coffee Club Critique Group are under the impression it’s “another cult.” 

WARNING:

Regular reading of Writer X’s emails, may result in litraumatological symptoms.

These include a pink forehead from frequent facepalming, or a sudden inability to remember the word “NaNoWriMo.” Care is available. Call Arkham Hospital and speak to a Litraumotologist today.

Without further ado…


Subject: My Inner Writer

Dear Gladys,

I’m sure you’re dying to know how my writing is going. Something tremendous has happened. I FINALLY got to the bottom of why I haven’t written any of the books in my epic fantasy saga. I suffer from a very unusual condition that only the rarest writer will experience. You see, my inner writer is German.

It all started the night we returned from Arkham Hospital with my boyfriend, award-nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins.

Dr. Hegemumph said that he was safe to return to my care provided we don’t speak English in the home for the next seven to ten days. Tryxy and I hardly ever speak English in the home. Mostly we just text each other from opposite sides of the house, so I wasn’t worried.

I tucked my boyfriend, award-nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, into bed with some medicine that prevents word withdrawal. Then, per my usual, I ate some bedtime nachos with extra jalapeños, and fell asleep.

I was standing in a misty valley that was somehow tucked away in my back yard. I had gone out to make sacrifices to the malevolent purple leopard I bought Tryxy for Hogswatch like any normal Tuesday, and instead of seeing the leopard I found this valley. I was excited!!! Here I thought I had an ordinary backyard with an ordinary malevolent purple leopard statue and now there was this misty valley and it was all mine!!!

On either side of me stood high craggy hills crowded with rocks and fog. The sky was white and open, and a dirt road stretched to the horizon beyond the craggy hills where it disappeared into the mist. I filled with a sense of longing, longing for wherever that road might take me and all of it was MY backyard.

The fog was moving quickly, dappled with shadows. But one of the shadows was looking straight at me. With much chagrin, I realized it was Neil Gaiman. Or at least, out of the corner of my eye, it looked like it was Neil Gaiman which meant it was none other than that version of Neil Gaiman that shows up in writer’s dreams: Dream Gaiman.

“Hiya,” he said.

I grunted a displeased hello. Until that moment I hadn’t realized I was DREAMING. I was stoked about finding a whole valley in my backyard and was gonna get Tryxy, but then DREAM GAIMAN had to show up with his shadowy eyes and too pale face to tip me off that none of this was real. BUT I STILL HAD THAT LONGING, GLADYS!!!!

Dream Gaiman pulled an apple out of his pocket and polished it on his long black coat. “Fernweh,” he said.

“Fern what?” I said.

Fernweh. German. It means Far-sickness. It’s the feeling you’re experiencing. That sinking ache in the center of your chest? The way your eyes long to embrace something you have not seen? A precise wistfulness for a place without shape or form. Fernweh.”

I looked back at the valley to match it to that word, Fernweh. But the rocks and white sky had been replaced with that ordinary malevolent purple leopard glaring at me and, instead of Fernweh, all I felt was indigestion.

But in the morning, something had changed. I woke with Fernweh on my lips!!!! I thought of that misty white sky and felt a longing so strong I had to do something about it!!!

I wanted to…WRITE!!!!!! What are you supposed to do when you feel like you want to write?? It’s been so long since I’ve had that feeling, I forgot!!! Watch TV?? Stretch my calves?? Then it hit me, I should PUT SOME WORDS ON PAPER!!!!!

I couldn’t write in the house while my boyfriend was recovering from Second Book Syndrome. I ran down to the basement and discovered Tryxy practicing his twerking in the mirror. At first I felt a sense of Fremdschämen at finding him this way, but he didn’t seem bothered so why should I? I gave him the signal to keep one eye on my boyfriend. Tryxy clapped his demonic butt cheeks together and gave me a thumbs up.

I packed up my writing box and HIT. THE. ROAD.

I had no idea where I was going; somewhere I could set up my writing things, I supposed. I headed in the direction of the town green and unlike the Kuddelmuddel of protesters and flash mobs and school busses you normal find at this time of day, it was pretty calm and quiet.

Except for the cannons. You know how every Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Veteran’s Day, the Historical Society randomly fires canons to commemorate the occasion but the noise always startles the town of Brokenheap, NH, particularly the local Veteran’s lodge who get all riled up and then they declare war on the town of Cradensburg three times a year?

Well, it turns out that the Historical Society got a grant from the owners of the Mysterious Complex and the Historical Society used it to buy some new canons. They wanted to test the canons to make sure they met the requisite loudness the old canons produced so they set all twenty of them up in the town green this morning and began firing them five seconds apart.

This, of course, triggered the Brokenheap Veteran’s Lodge who had been gathered for a pancake breakfast to benefit a new set of targets for their gun range. When the Brokenheap Veterans heard the cannon fire, they got all riled up and declared war on Cradensburg one month early. They loaded into their trucks and onto their ATVs and flew their Gaddy flags and invaded Cradensburg.

However, their invasion forces were waylaid by a traffic jam caused by a mile-long line of identical white cargo vans with tinted windows driving single file through a big black gate and into the Mysterious Complex. The white cargo vans had received a police escort so there was nothing the Brokenheap Invasion Force could do but blow their horns and shake their fists at the vans entering the hidden lot of the Mysterious Complex. Between the canons and the car horns, the sound was unreal.

…So I guess it was a Kuddelmuddel after all.

Did you see what I said Galdys????? KUDDELMUDDEL!!!!! Another German word describing a situation in my life on the very same day I woke up and ACTUALLY WANTED TO WRITE. Coincidence???? I think not.

Where was I?

My writerly instincts took me straight to Ink Black Coffee Club. I pulled into the parking lot, giddy with delicious Vorfreude. Sweet, sweet Vorfreude. What kind of story will I write? I wondered and patiently anticipated the wonder of starting a brand new story.But another bump appeared in my proverbial road. The parking lot was full of cars and it was hard to find a parking space. No doubt it would be too noisy inside to write!!! Where else was I supposed to go??

Luck was with me. The interior of Ink Black Coffee Club was surprisingly empty. The barista wasn’t behind the counter. I spotted him by the fireplace, setting a fresh log on top of two cheerily glowing faggots. The barista dusted ash from his skinny jeans and explained that the church next door was hosting an emergency meeting to prepare for the coming of a new cult and nothing gets people into pews like the word “cult.” They were using the coffee club’s parking lot as an overflow lot.

Nothing, and I mean absolutley nothing was going to stop me from finally writing on the day that I actually felt like writing!!!!!

At the back of the coffee club, I found the perfect place. There were three or four empty tables by the patio doors, just enough space for me to unpack my writing box. I set up my complete Brandon Sanderson collection on one table with special Lord of the Rings book ends and laid a unicorn hair wand in front of them all. 

Then I pulled out seven or eight scented candles and lit them all, the flames bobbing and twerking to their own internal music. I unfolded my special lap quilt and put on my writing slippers. A feeling of coziness filled my stomach. But it was about to get BETTER.

Just as I opened up my laptop, the barista brought me a giant mug of hot chai. It was the perfect temperature and the heat radiated into my palms. I took one fragrant sip and rain began to patter against the patio window panes. Gemütlichkeit. The perfect conditions for WRITING!!!!

Sipping my chai, I opened a new word document and summoned that misty road and white sky to my mind. I felt that wistfulness for a place I had not seen or been. I looked at that blank white page and I realized that it could lead me anywhere, Gladys!!!! With the magic of putting one word after another, I could create the world beyond the mist. It could be anything. Anything I wanted it to be!!!! All I had to do was begin with a first word.

Here.

It.

Goes.

I placed my fingers on the keyboard, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. Gemütlichkeit. Fernweh. Vorfreude. Each word perfectly described my feelings.

That’s when it hit me. Maybe GERMAN is the reason I haven’t been able to write!!!! Maybe my inner writer is GERMAN!!!! Why else would I suddenly know all these German words, Gladys????? How could I sit here in this absolutely perfect cafe and start a story in English when my inner writer OBVIOUSLY wants to write in German!!!!! I have been writing in English like a misled soul ALL THIS TIME.

This is it, Gladys!!!! This is the ONLY reason why I’m not famous!!!! Ecstatic with this epiphany, I resolved NEVER to write another story in English AGAIN!!!! I’ll write the world beyond the mist and the valley and the white sky in GERMAN.

That’s when I ran into a little hiccup. It seems I don’t consciously know German, I only SUBCONSCIOUSLY know German. Not to worry!!!! My subconscious offered me words like Fernweh, and Gemütlichkeit and Fremdscham, it could offer me a few thousand more. I did some deep breathing and put myself into a trance. I would let my subconscious do the writing!!!!!

I closed my eyes and began typing. My fingers hammered away on the keys, filling the air with the merry sound of words happening. I envisioned the white sky. I blindly typed until the GERMAN OF MY SOUL had filled SEVEN WHOLE PAGES.

I WROTE!!!!!

Then, I read through my work and I feel confident saying that this is very promising. This is possibly some of the best writing I have EVER done.

This is where you come in, Gladys. Remember when you were an East German spy? I’m going to need you to put your Deutsch skills to the test!!!! I’m going to send you the seven pages I’ve written. Drop whatever it is that you’re doing, translate them, and send them right back so that I can find out what this story is about!!!!

Hang on, Gladys. Tryxy is texting me.

I’m going to have to send you these pages later!!! Apparently my boyfriend, award-nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, snuck out of bed and Tryxy found him in the downstairs bathroom licking the pages of an Oxford English dictionary. I forgot to give him his word withdrawal medicine!!!!!

That’s okay. I am content with the knowledge that I have finally begun my EPIC FANTASY SAGA on the right foot!!!!!

xox,

X


Subject: Don’t read my last email!!!!

Dear Gladys,

I am writing to request that you delete the last email I sent you unopened. Don’t ask questions, JUST DELETE IT!!!!

It unrelated news, Tryxy and I bought a fun German phrase book at the Hospital Gift Shop and I read the first chapter as I waited for my boyfriend, award-nominated fantasy writer Tod Boadkins, to be discharged.

In equally unrelated news, my doctor has called to inform me I have a rare allergy to jalapeños. Apparently eating them gives me amnesia. It’s called Jalepeño-induzierter Gedächtnisverlust.

Pages next week, Galdys!!!!!

xox,

X

DIDN’T THINK

X WOULD

TELL

THE WORLD

ABOUT MY

TWERKING.

A LITTLE

EMBARRASSED.

BTW

VERSCHLIMMBESSERUNG

IS AN

ATTEMPTED

IMPROVEMENT

THAT MAKES

THINGS WORSE.

MY INNER

SOUL IS

PORTUGUESE.

Top 10 Stories for April 2023

The announcement that Kimberly Unger won the 2023 Philip K. Dick Award was the most-read post in April.

Then, Svengoolie’s annual appeal for viewers to vote his show another Rondo Award once again led several hundred searchers for the voting link to land here first, pushing that post into the Top 10.

Another pair of stories published some time ago returned to the Top 10 because people, looking to File 770 in its role as a newzine of record, linked to them to show receipts for statements they were making in social media.

Here are last month’s ten most widely-read posts.

  1. 2023 Philip K. Dick Award Winner Announced
  2. Pixel Scroll 4/19/23 Tick, Tock, Said The Pixel, Just Keep Scrolling
  3. Pixel Scroll 4/9/23 Mind The Pixels, And The Scrolls Will File Themselves
  4. Pixel Scroll 4/11/23 Starship Tribbles! Ad Astra Per Felix Flattus!
  5. Flegal and Mohrbacher Respond to Accusations in Video
  6. Pixel Scroll 4/4/23 There’s A Bad Scroll Happening Tonight And Not Even A Pixel Can Stop It
  7. 2023 Rondo Awards Nominees
  8. Pixel Scroll 4/21/23 Like A Pixel, Scrolled For The Very First Time
  9. Pixel Scroll 4/25/23 Careful The Things You Scroll, Children Will Pixel
  10. Judge Decides Against Internet Archive

2023 Robert E. Howard Awards

The 2023 Robert E. Howard Awards have been announced by the Robert E. Howard Foundation this weekend at Howard Days in Cross Plains, Texas.

THE ATLANTEAN—OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT, BOOK

THE VALUSIAN—OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT, BOOK (ANTHOLOGY/COLLECTION)

No Nominees

THE HYRKANIAN—OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT, ESSAY

THE CIMMERIAN—OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT, SCHOLARSHIP (PEER-REVIEWED)

THE VENARIUM—EMERGING SCHOLAR

  • Antonio Marco Collares (Brazilian scholar focusing on Robert E. Howard, involved in many projects)

THE BLACK LOTUS—OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT, WEB-BASED

THE COSTIGAN—LITERARY ACHIEVEMENT

THE RANKIN—ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT

THE BLACK RIVER—SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT

THE CROM AWARD

No nominees.

THE BLACK CIRCLE AWARD

  • Fred Blosser

2023 Writers and Illustrators of the Future Contest Winners Named

Grand Prize winners David Henrickson and Dao Vi. Photo courtesy of Author Services Inc.

David Henrickson from Sterling, VA, was named the 2023 Grand Prize Writer Winner and Dao Vi from Sylmar, CA who was born in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam was named the 2023 Illustrator Grand Prize Winner at the 39th Annual L. Ron Hubbard Achievement Awards Gala for Writers and Illustrators of the Future Contests on April 28. The event was held at the Taglyan Cultural Complex in Hollywood, CA.
 
David Henrickson said: “I never imagined I would be here. I’ve loved Science Fiction all of my life.  When I was nine years old I was first inspired by the genre of science fiction after reading Andre Norton’s Star Guard.  When somebody asks what I do and who I am, I give them an easy answer, ‘I am an Application Architect,’ that’s what I do, but that’s not who I am.  Five years before I retired I started writing.  I told myself if I could write 100,000 lines of code, I can write a novel.  Hopefully one day we will all be able to pay this forward.  Thank you!”
  
Dao Vi said: “Wow!  I didn’t believe I was going to win.  I am humbled and honored to be surrounded by so many talented writers and illustrators.  It’s been a huge blessing.  I want to thank Samuel Parr for his wildly provocative story, ‘The Last History,’ which I illustrated.  This award is for you too.  Life is what happens when you are having fun.  I’m excited to see where this leads for all of us.  Thank you very much!”
 
During the course of the awards show a Time Capsule from 25 years ago in 1998, was opened by Writers of the Future Judges Kevin J. Anderson and Tim Powers which contained predictions on the Quality of Education in 25 years from famous Science Fiction writers.  As it turned out, one prediction from Tim Powers was quite accurate.  On October 2, 1998, Tim Powers wrote: “Voice recognition and transcription programs will have made literacy (all of spelling and most of grammar) obsolete; morality will be discarded as archaic.”
 
Winners from this year’s competitions hailed from all over the United States, as well as from Canada, China, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Romania, South Korea, United Kingdom and Vietnam.

Joni Labaqui, Director of the Contests for Author Services, Inc. who oversaw the presentations of the Grand Prize Awards, said, “This year the theme for our awards show will be Fantasy and Illusion with a motif including a fiery dragon, and Asian pagodas and temples.”
 
Emily Goodwin, Vice President of Public Affairs for Author Services, Inc., served as Event Producer and presented a Lifetime Achievement Award to Dr. Robert J. Sawyer, who penned sff classics like The Terminal Experiment and Flashforward, who has also served as a Writers of the Future judge since 2005.
 
During his acceptance speech, Dr. Robert J. Sawyer said, “Thank you all so very much!  Although I entered this contest when I was starting out, I’ve only ever been on the stage here at the L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers and Illustrators of the Future Gala as a presenter, never an award recipient. I am thrilled to have finally made it!  I thank John Goodwin, Emily Goodwin, Joni Labaqui, and everyone else at Author Services, Inc. from the bottom of my heart—which is beating awfully fast right now!”

Left to right: John Goodwin, Emily Goodwin, Lifetime Achievement Recipient Robert J. Sawyer, Gunhild Jacobs and Joni Labaqui. Photo courtesy of Author Services, Inc.

An In Memoriam Tribute part of the awards show honored the late multiple New York Times bestselling author, Eric Flint, a Writers of the Future Winner for Volume 9 in 1993, writer of over 40 novels, Founder and Editor of Jim Baen’s Universe, and contest judge.

John Goodwin, President of Galaxy Press, unveiled Volume 39 of L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers of the Future, with cover artwork illustrated by Writers of the Future Illustrator Judge, Tom Wood, entitled, “Wyvern Crucible,” which was set to a cover story written by Writers of the Future Writer Judge, Kevin J. Anderson entitled, “Fire in the Hole.”  And simultaneously an audio book of Volume 39 of L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers of the Future, recorded by Jim, Tamra and Taylor Meskimen, was unveiled.

This year’s event, an Invitation Only function, was streamed live. Goodwin added: “According to United Public Radio Network, this year’s awards show was seen by 340,000 viewers on Roku and was heard by over 1.1 million listeners on the live broadcast.”

Keynote Speaker Dan Farr, Founder and CEO of the FanX Salt Lake Comic Convention, said:  “It is indeed my honor to be speaking to you tonight about something that is near and dear to me.  Pop culture and pop culture conventions.  The modern concept of a fan convention dates back to the late 1930s with various gatherings of a few dozen science fiction fans in Philadelphia and New York. Hardcore science fiction readers met at these underground affairs, mainly to discuss science fiction, which at that time consisted of pulps.
 
“In the 60s fans and culture started to explode, when mainstream TV series and movies such as Star Trek, The Twilight Zone, Lost in Space, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and Forbidden Planet, came onto the convention scene.  And with the film industry popularizing characters such as Batman, Spider Man, The X-Men, the Green Lantern, and about a dozen other superheroes, the convention landscape exploded by leaps and bounds through the 70s, 80s and 90s.  By the mid-2000s, upwards of 300,000 people would flock to what had truly turned into pop culture conventions that embrace far more than the original buying and selling of comics.
 
“Fashion, costumes, characters, dance, film, cyberculture, music, art, literature, television, and radio – none of it would exist without the writer or the artist creating that script, that picture, that song, that universe.  Writing and art has always been and will always be a healing influence.  As writers and artists, you carry a large responsibility for the future.  Because it is you who carry that powerful torch to unite, while others are trying to tear it down.  Do not ever give up on your dreams.  As L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the contests stated:  ‘The greatest joy there is in life, is creating.  Splurge on it!’  Writers and Illustrators, congratulations on your accomplishments and…keep creating!”
 
Writer’s Contest Coordinating Judge, Jodi Lynn Nye and Emmy Award-winning actress, Nancy Cartwright, announced writer David Henrickson as the 2023 the Golden Pen Award winner presenting him a trophy and check for $5,000, for his story, “White Elephant.”

Coordinating Illustrator Contest Judge Echo Chernik and Keynote Speaker Dan Farr announced illustrator Dao Vi as the 2023 Golden Brush Award winner presenting him a trophy and a check for $5,000.  Dao Vi illustrated writer Samuel Parr’s story, “The Last History.”

The 12 quarterly winners and one published finalist of the 2023 writer’s contests who were presented with trophies and cash prizes included:  Samuel Parr of Market Harborough, United Kingdom; Spencer Sekulin of Newmarket, Ontario, Canada; L.H. Davis of Malabar, FL; Devon Bohm of West Hartford, CT; Arthur H. Manners of Cambridge, England; David Hankins of Bettendork, IA; David Henrickson of Sterling, VA; J.R. Johnson of Ottawa, Canada; Elaine Midoch of Pembroke Pines, FL; Marianne Xenos of Amherst, MA; Jason Palmatier of State College, PA;  and T.J. Knight of Glen Spey, NY.  Britany Rainsdon of Blackford, IN a 2022 Quarterly Writer winner was also honored.
 
The 12 Quarterly Winners of the 2023 Illustrator’s Contests who were presented with trophies and cash prizes included:  Alexandra Albu (AKA Cyberaeon) of Iasi, Romania; Clarence Bateman of Bronx, NY; Dao Vi of Sylmar, CA, born in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam; Sarah Morrison of Malden, MA; Ximing Luo of Ellicott City, MD born in Hangzhou, China; Alaya Knowlton of Sarasota, FL; Kristin Hadaway of Abington, MD; José Sánchez of San José, Costa Rica; Helen Yi of Sarasota, FL and Seoul, South Korea; Chris Binns of Hillsboro, OR;  April Solomon of Laguna Beach, CA and Chris Arias of Cartago, Costa Rica.
  
Contest Writer Judges in attendance included: Kevin J. Anderson, Nina Kiriki Hoffman, Nancy Kress, Rebecca Moesta, Larry Niven, Jody Lynn Nye, Dr. Nnedi Okorafor, Timothy Thomas “Tim” Powers, Dr. Robert J. Sawyer, Dean Wesley Smith and S.M. Stirling.

Other Distinguished Writer Judges who were not able to be in attendance include:  Dr. Doug Beason, Dr. Gregory Benford, Orson Scott Card, Brian Herbert, Katherine Kurtz, Todd McCaffrey, Kristine Kathryn Rusch, Brandon Sanderson, Robert Silverberg and Dr. Sean Williams.
 
Contest Illustrator Judges in attendance included: Echo Chernik, Lazarus Chernik, Larry Elmore, Dr. Laura Freas Beraha, Brian C. Hailes, Brittany “Bea” Jackson, Val Lakey Lindahn, Sergey Poyarkov, Rob Prior, Dan dos Santos and Tom Wood.
 
Other Distinguished Illustrator Judges who were not able to be in attendance include:  Vincent Di Fate, Diane Dillon, Stephan Martiniere, Mike Perkins, Irvin Rodriguez, Shaun Tan and Stephen Youll.

A photo gallery from the award ceremony is here: Writers & Illustrators of the Future Workshop Week 2023 – Day 7.

Author Services, Inc. and Galaxy Press Executives with 2023 Writer and Illustrator Winners and Judges. Photo courtesy of Author Services, Inc.

[Based on a press release.]
 

Pixel Scroll 4/30/23 I Demand That The Emergency Pixel System Be Activated Immediately 

(1) ROAD TRIP. Connie Willis told her Facebook readers all about attending the 2023 Jack Williamson Lectureship in mid-April:

…This year’s guest of honor was Arkady Martine, and she brought her wife, Vivian Shaw, with her, so we got two guests for one. They were great, and so were the panels, which the Lectureship features. I especially loved the one on Artificial Intelligence, which focused on the new dangers and possibilities of ChatGPT, and one on worldbuilding. I also loved Cordelia’s lecture on a very out-of-the-ordinary experience she had while working at the Santa Clara County Crime lab. Unlike the usual investigation of shoeprints, surveillance tapes, cell phones, etc., she suddenly found herself in a convoy with a SWAT team in L.A., driving a coworker’s car without the lights on in an attempt to arrest a bunch of human traffickers….

(2) SAWYER GETS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD. Robert J. Sawyer was presented with the L. Ron Hubbard Lifetime Achievement Award at the Writers and Illustrators of the Future award banquet in LA on April 28. In his acceptance speech Sawyer describes career decisions where he followed his heart in ironic terms as if they had been mistakes. But they weren’t mistakes, were they.

…Many writers do media tie-ins or work in other people’s universes. My first agent tried to steer me in that direction, too, getting me a three-book contract in the STAR WARS universe. But I bailed out; I just couldn’t bring myself to play in somebody else’s sandbox.

And then I screwed up AGAIN: my second novel was called FAR-SEER, and, at its end, I gave the protagonist, a talking dinosaur named Afsan, a heroic death scene. Well, when I sent the manuscript to my agent, he said I was nuts for killing the main character: “Rob, baby,” he said — that’s how agents talk — “Rob, baby, this could be an ongoing series, and, if not a cash cow, then certainly a monetary Megalosaurus!”

So, Afsan got a reprieve and I forced out two more books about the lovable lizard. But, as before, I just couldn’t stand it; at the end of the third book, I took the same escape route Charlton Heston did from the PLANET OF THE APES sequels: I destroyed the entire planet!…

(3) BEM IN A FLASH. Cora Buhlert has had a flash story called “Bug-eyed Monsters and the Women Who Love Them” published at Way Station, a brand-new space opera magazine, which she says doesn’t have an actual issue out yet.

Captain Crash Martigan of the rocket scout squad was on patrol, protecting New Pluto City and its inhabitants from bug-eyed monsters.

Of course, bug-eyed monsters wasn’t their real name. No, the creatures had a long and official Latinate name that no one could remember nor pronounce. So the colonists took to calling them bug-eyed monsters, because that’s what they looked like….

(4) IS ANALOG USEFUL AGAIN? [Item by Mike Kennedy.] Back in the day (the 1970s when I was an Electrical Engineering student at the University of Alabama), I had occasion to build a special-purpose hybrid analog/digital computer. The only reason for its existence was so high school students visiting us as prospective UA engineering students could play tic-tac-toe and see EE at work. It was used one day, then stripped down for parts. The very idea of a programmable analog component gets my EE juices flowing a little bit, though it’s certainly nowhere enough to entice me out of retirement. There have always been problems for which analog computation was perfectly suited. But, as the article below notes, building those damn things is no joke, and every time the problem changes, the design changes. Or, perhaps, the tense should be changed to, well, “changed.“ This could become a very exciting field going forward.  “The Unbelievable Zombie Comeback of Analog Computing” in WIRED.

When old tech dies, it usually stays dead. No one expects rotary phones or adding machines to come crawling back from oblivion. Floppy diskettes, VHS tapes, cathode-ray tubes—they shall rest in peace. Likewise, we won’t see old analog computers in data centers anytime soon. They were monstrous beasts: difficult to program, expensive to maintain, and limited in accuracy.

Or so I thought. Then I came across this confounding statement:

Bringing back analog computers in much more advanced forms than their historic ancestors will change the world of computing drastically and forever.

Seriously?

I found the prediction in the preface of a handsome illustrated book titled, simply, Analog Computing. Reissued in 2022, it was written by the German mathematician Bernd Ulmann—who seemed very serious indeed.

I’ve been writing about future tech since before WIRED existed and have written six books explaining electronics. I used to develop my own software, and some of my friends design hardware. I’d never heard anyone say anything about analog, so why would Ulmann imagine that this very dead paradigm could be resurrected? And with such far-reaching and permanent consequences?

I felt compelled to investigate further….

(5) HOWARD DAYS. Ken Lizzi shares a report and several photos of the Robert E. Howard Days, which took place in April this year: “Howard Days 2023. Plus Savage Journal Entry 41.”

I made the Hajj, the Pilgrimage, to Cross Plains, Texas this weekend to visit the Robert E. Howard museum. Not coincidentally, it was also the weekend of the 2023 edition of Howard Days. I am, to be blunt, tired. It is only a five hour drive from Casa Lizzi, which is why I had no excuse to put off the visit. Still, on top of non-stop activity and limited sleep, that drive back proved less pleasant than the lovely drive out: putting a Gulf Coast thunder storm behind me Thursday morning as I wended my way north and west deep into the heart of Texas, into cattle and old oil boom country to the AirBnB I shared with Bryan Murphy and Deuce Richardson….

(6) APPENDIX N. The good folks at Goodman Games continue their articles on SFF authors listed in Appendix N:

Ngo Vinh-Hoi profiles Jack Williamson: “Adventures in Fiction: Jack Williamson”.

In the storied list of Appendix N authors, there is one name that encapsulates nearly the entire course of modern American science fiction and fantasy: Jack Williamson. John Stewart Williamson was born on April 29th, 1908 in an adobe hut in what was then still the Arizona Territory. Seeking to better themselves, the Williamson family travelled by horse-drawn covered wagon to New Mexico in 1915, where Williamson recalled that they “homesteaded in Eastern New Mexico in 1916 after the good land had been claimed. We were living below the poverty line, struggling for survival.”

This isolated, hardscrabble existence continued throughout Williamson’s entire youth, but his imagination and inquisitive mind helped him to endure…. 

Jeff Goad profiles Fletcher Pratt: “Adventures in Fiction: Fletcher Pratt”.

The Appendix N is a list of prolific authors of science fiction and fantasy. But Fletcher Pratt is not one of them, at least not in comparison to most of the authors on the list. He primarily wrote historical nonfiction about the Civil War, Napoleon, naval history, rockets, and World War II. So why is Fletcher Pratt listed in the Appendix N and why does he have the coveted “et al” listed after The Blue Star?

Well, digging a bit deeper into his writings and his career, it is no surprise that Gary Gygax was smitten with this fellow….

(7) MEMORY LANE.

1999[Compiled by Cat Eldridge.]

Our Beginning this Scroll comes courtesy of Richard Wadholm. Green Tea was a novella first published in Asimov’s Science Fiction in the October-November 1999 issue. It was shortlisted for the Theodore Sturgeon Memorial Award. 

Wadholm, a Clarion graduate, had a very brief visit in our corner of things writing one novel, Astronomy, and six stories. None are available at the usual suspects. 

He was, interestingly enough, a contributing writer, to Synapse, the Electronic Music Magazine  which published in the Seventies.

And now for our Beginning…

Friend Beltran, this moment has weighed on me for the past six days. At last we meet.

Will you take tea with me? Not to worry, I am not here to poison you with tainted tea. Not from a beautiful service like this, certainly. This tea kettle is pewter, yes? And the brew pot— terra cotta, in the manner of the great smuggling mandarins of the Blanco Grande? Quite so. I must beg your indulgence for its use. I was very thirsty; I have come a long way to see you.

Perhaps my name escapes you. That is the way in this profession we share. Say that I am your delivery man. Indeed, the item you procured at such dear cost is close to hand.

My fee? Whatever you arranged with the navigator Galvan will suffice. A cup of tea from this excellent terra cotta pot would do nicely. And, if you are not too pressed, the answer to a simple question?

Who was it for, the thing you birthed on our ship? Was it for the mercenaries on Michele D’avinet? Or for the Chinese smugglers who used the glare of D’avinet to hide their passing?

I suppose it doesn’t matter much either way. Whoever your treasure was intended for, they were someone’s enemy, but they were no enemy of Beltran Seynoso’s, yes? And we, the crew of the Hierophant, we were merely witnesses. Our only offense was that we could connect you with the destruction of a little star in the outer reaches of Orion.

I wronged you, my friend. You are indeed a man of pitiless resolve. Sitting here, making tea in your kitchen, in this rambling manse, on this pretty little moon of yours, I underestimated you. I pictured a dilettante, playing at a rough game.

Forgive, forgive.

That story you told our captain, that you represented an Anglo syndicate dealing in—what was it? April pork bellies? We took that for naivete. No one goes from trading in April pork bellies to dealing in ‘Tuesday morning perbladium. Not even the Anglos.

And then there was that improbable load you hired us to turn.

(8) TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS.

[Compiled by Cat Eldridge.]

  • Born April 30, 1913 Jane Rice. Her first story “The Dream” was published in the July 1940 issue of Unknown. Amazingly, she’d publish ten stories there during the War. Her only novel Lucy remains lost due to somewhat mysterious circumstances. Much of her short stories are collected in The Idol of the Flies and Other Stories which is not available in digital form. (Died 2003.)
  • Born April 30, 1920 E. F. Bleiler. An editor, bibliographer and scholar of both sff and detective fiction. He’s responsible in the Forties for co-editing the Best SF Stories with T.E. Dikty. They later edited Best Science-Fiction Stories. He also did such valuable reference guides like The Checklist of Fantastic Literature and The Guide to Supernatural Fiction. (Died 2010.)
  • Born April 30, 1926 Edmund Cooper. Pulpish writer of space opera not for the easily offended. His The Uncertain Midnight has an interesting take on androids but most of his work is frankly misogynistic. And he was quite prolific with over twenty-four novels and a dozen story collections. A lot of his work is available at the usual digital suspects. (Died 1982.)
  • Born April 30, 1934 William Baird Searles. Author and critic. He‘s best remembered for his long-running review work for Asimov’s  where he reviewed books, and Amazing Stories and F&SF where he did film and tv reviews. I’m not familiar with his writings but I’d be interested to know who here has read Reader’s Guide to Science Fiction and Reader’s Guide to Fantasy which he did, as they might be useful to own. (Died 1993.)
  • Born April 30, 1938 Larry Niven, 85. One of my favorite authors to read, be it the Gil Hamilton the Arm stories, Ringworld, Protector, The Mote in God’s Eye with Jerry Pournelle (The Gripping Hand alas didn’t work for me at all), or the the Rainbow Mars stories which I love in the audiobook version. What’s your favorite Niven story? And yes, I did look up his Hugos. “Neutron Star” was his first at NyCon followed by Ringworld at Noreascon 1 and in turn by “Inconstant Moon” (lovely story) the following year at L.A. Con I,  “The Hole Man” (which I don’t remember reading but did listen in preparing this Birthday — most excellent!) at Aussiecon 1 and finally “The Borderland of Sol” novelette at MidAmericaCon. He’s not won a Hugo since 1976 which I admit surprised me.
  • Born April 30, 1968 Adam Stemple, 55. Son of Jane Yolen. One-time vocalist of Boiled in Lead. With Yolen, he’s written the Rock ‘n’ Roll Fairy TalesPay the Piper and Troll Bridge which are worth reading, plus the Seelie Wars trilogy which I’ve not read. He’s also written two Singer of Souls urban fantasies which I remember as engaging. 
  • Born April 30, 1973 Naomi Novik, 50. She wrote the Temeraire series which runs to nine novels so far. Her first book, His Majesty’s Dragon, won the Astounding Award. She most deservedly won the Nebula Award for Best Novel for Uprooted which is a most excellent read. I’ve not yet read her Spinning Silver novel which won a Mythopoeic Fantasy Award for Adult Literature, so opinions are welcome. 

(9) COMICS SECTION.

(10) WHAT’S ON THE WAY? John Shirley interviews Charles Stross about The Future in “Optimism Optimized & Pessimism Prodded” at Instant Future.

Q. Will the pace of change overwhelm us? I seem to perceive, behind many of your novels, a writer conflicted about technological advancement; not against it, certainly no luddite, but concerned about its nature. It would seem that we need that advancement—but we’ve failed to develop a protocol for advancing technology intelligently. For one thing, a technology that pollutes is only half-invented. This seems clear in the age of anthropogenic climate change. Should we slow the pace? Can we?

A: I think, going by the news headlines, the pace of change has *already* overwhelmed us. The Tofflers made this case fairly well in their book *Future Shock* back in the 1970s, and that was in a then-stable media environment that wasn’t polluted with memes generated by bad actors (eg. state level disinformation agencies) and chatbots (often just trying to sell something — Ivermectin as a cure for COVID19, for example).

One problem is that we’re nearing the crest of a sigmoid curve of accelerating advances in a new technological area — computing, networking, and information processing. It seems unlikely progress on miniaturization of semiconductors will proceed for many more generations (our densest integrated semiconductor circuits already have tracks and other features on the order of a hundred atoms wide: it’s hard to see how we can shrink mechanisms below the atomic scale). So, just as progress with steam locomotion had tapered off by the 1920s after a brisk acceleration from roughly 1790 through 1870, and aviation surged from the original Wright Flyer and its contemporaries around 1900 to the SR-71 and Boeing 747 by the early 1970s but subsequently stopped getting bigger or faster, we’re approaching an era of consolidation and very slow incremental gains in our IT. People are now exploring the possible ways of monetizing the technologies we’ve acquired over the past few decades, rather than making qualitative breakthroughs. I first saw a virtual reality headset and interface in use at a conference in the early 1990s; the fact that Apple are apparently bringing one to market this summer, and Meta (aka Facebook) sank billions — evidently fruitlessly — into trying to commercialize VR over the past few years, should be a huge warning flag that some technologies just don’t seem to be as useful as people expected.

(11) UPHEAVAL IN THE SIXTIES. [Item by Cora Buhlert.] At Galactic Journey I was talking about some of the 1968 unrest in (West) Germany as well as the 1968 Oberhausen Short Film Festival, where George Lucas won an award for the original short film version of THX-1138 4EB. Also present at the festival was a very young Werner Herzog, which is interesting since Herzog claimed not to be familiar with Star Wars or Lucas, when he guest-starred in The Mandalorian. Of course, Herzog might just have forgotten meeting at a festival Lucas 55 years ago. Oh yes, and there also was a scandal at that festival surrounding a short film with a very upstanding cast member. “[April 14, 1968] In Unquiet Times: The Frankfurt Arson Attacks, the Shooting of Rudi Dutschke and Electronic Labyrinth THX-1138 4EB” at Galactic Journey.

…With West Germany burning and all the terrible things happening here and elsewhere in the world, it’s easy to forget that there are bright spots as well. One of those bright spots is the 14th West German Short Film Days in Oberhausen….

(12) SURVIVING THE RUNWAY. “Louis Vuitton collaborates with the director of Squid Game in a bid to woo South Korea’s elite”Yahoo! has the story.

…The event was dreamed up by Ghesquière and Hwang Dong-hyuk, the director of the hit Netflix series, Squid Game, in which contestants compete in a series of children’s games and are murdered if they lose. He could hardly have found a more effective way of winnowing out weaklings than this runway. HoYeon Jung, a Korean actress who opened the show, took it in her stride. She was probably used to tough conditions having starred in Squid Game….

[Thanks to Andrew Porter, John King Tarpinian, Cora Buhlert, Paul Di Filippo, Lise Andreasen, Chris Barkley, Michael Toman, Cat Eldridge, and Mike Kennedy for some of these stories. Title credit belongs to File 770 contributing editor of the day Lis Carey.]

Marty Cantor (1935-2023)

Marty Cantor in the 1980s. Photo by Galen Tripp.

Devoted fanzine fan and longtime LASFS member Marty Cantor died April 29 of cancer. He was 88.

Cantor started reading science fiction when he was 10 but did not find fandom until he was 40, joining the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society in May 1975.

Years before discovering fandom Cantor lived in the San Gabriel Valley in Sierra Madre Canyon. He helped save the wash – a natural channel for rain runoff — from being paved over by the Army Corps of Engineers, and was appointed to Sierra Madre’s Downtown Youth Plan committee. I used to tell him the idea of a city where Marty Cantor helped run the government is awesome – of course, this is also the city where outdoor location shots for the Kevin McCarthy Invasion of the Body Snatchers were filmed.

As a brand new LASFSian in the Seventies Marty plunged into club life, writing for its weekly amateur press association, APA-L, eventually serving as its Official Collator. He later helped start a second local apa, LASFAPA, which he ran as official editor (or the title he preferred, “Little Tin God”). Together with Mike Gunderloy he even briefly revived the club’s legendary genzine Shangri-L’Affaires in 1980.

For many years Marty was married to Robbie Bourget (Cantor). As Marty told it, he arrived at Chicon IV, the 1982 Worldcon, “as a 47- year-old, more-or-less confirmed bachelor and left in a lovely emotional turmoil, thoroughly in love.” A few weeks later he proposed and they wed in January 1983. No sooner had Robbie’s name joined his on the masthead of their fanzine Holier Than Thou than they immediately scored three consecutive Best Fanzine Hugo nominations (1984-1986). They also were elected the Down Under Fan Fund delegates to Aussiecon II (1985). Each wrote a DUFF trip report which they published in the format of a kind of Ace double – with Marty’s Duffbury Tales on one side, and Robbie’s Tales of Duffbury on the reverse, a single volume of over 100 pages.

Their marriage ended in divorce around 1998.

Originally, Marty was a tobacconist by trade. He had his own shop for a number of years, then later worked for another tobacco store owner. While that was a way to encounter Hollywood characters and gather colorful anecdotes, it never approached his bizarre experience in 1994 while working as the manager of a U-Haul facility — when he auctioned off an unclaimed locker the winning bidder found several decomposing corpses inside. (Eventually the renter was tracked to Jakarta and arrested for murder.)

In later years he produced the genzine No Award (although I don’t really believe he was opposed to the idea of winning one if offered).

On the conrunning side, he organized Lasfapacon, helped run Corflu 9, and chaired Corflu 34.

Late in life Marty continued to be one of LASFS’ most active members, editing issues of the clubzine De Profundis. He was honored with the club’s Evans-Freehafer Award for service in 2016.

His remains will be cremated, says John Hertz, and there will be a memorial service.

John Hertz, DUFF delegate Clare McDonald-Sims, and Marty Cantor in the LASFS library (2016).

JMS Confirms The Last Dangerous Visions Still on Schedule

J. Michael Straczynski has generously answered a question about the status of The Last Dangerous Visions.

A question about whether the book is still on track came up because some of the Blackstone Publishing links reported last July in “The Last Dangerous Visions Has Release Date” (see Internet Archive) no longer work. Also, while a person can still Google “Harlan Ellison Blackstone” and be linked to his Blackstone author page, if one runs a search for Harlan Ellison from Blackstone’s own author index it doesn’t return that page. 

This week I asked Straczynski if these changes meant there had been new developments. He replied:  

“Nothing really new…I think they shut down the links when they realized it was getting out there prematurely. The first Dangerous Visions is slated for this fall/winter, Again, Dangerous Visions comes out in the spring, and The Last Dangerous Visions comes out fall ’24. Nothing’s changed.”

2023 Tomorrow Prize Finalists

The Tomorrow Prize and The Green Feather Award: Celebrity Readings & Honors recognizes outstanding new works of science fiction written by Los Angeles County high school students, as well as this year’s winning ecology-themed sf story.

The 2023 finalists’ stories will be read by celebrity guests on Sunday, May 20 from 4:00-6:00 p.m. Pacific at Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena, CA. Register to attend the free event at Eventbrite.

The winners will receive cash prizes. 

  • First, Second, and Third place Tomorrow Prize winners will receive $250, $150, and $100 USD cash prizes.
  • The First place Tomorrow Prize winner will be published in L.A. Parent Magazine

The Green Feather Award is an additional special prize category for an environmentally focused sci-fi story. The winner will receive $250 and online publication.

THE TOMORROW PRIZE – FINALISTS

  • “What Lies Beyond” by Rafael Chavez (Port of L.A. High School)
  • “Burn the World, Build with the Ashes” by Barrie Komsky (Cleveland Charter High School)
  • “Nights in the City” by Miguel Jujan (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “The Blanket” by Evin Manlapaz (John Marshall High School)
  • “Obsolete” by Jasmine Sov (Pasadena High School)

THE TOMORROW PRIZE – HONORABLE MENTIONS

  • “Gehenna’s Sanctum” by Sadika Mahmud (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “Oh Kanada” by Isaac Graham (Pasadena High School)
  • “Time” by Luis Martinez (Hollywood High School)
  • “Valiente” by Valery Rodriguez (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “Ocean Crash” by Acaju Gastelum (Port of L.A. High School)
  • “Digital” by Natalie Martinez (Port of L.A. High School)

The Omega Sci-Fi Awards have also announced the winners and honorable mentions of The 2023 Green Feather Award.

THE GREEN FEATHER AWARD 2023 WINNERS

  • “Painting the Way through the Future” by Diana Pena (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “Connections with Sage the Fungi” by Haifa Maung and Fia Layne (Culver City High School)

THE GREEN FEATHER AWARD – HONORABLE MENTIONS

  • “Dirty Waters” by Trotsky Cartagena (Port of L.A. High School)
  • “Our Second Earth” by Abida Chowdhury (Orthopaedic Medical Magnet High School)
  • “Aqua” by Nafisa Islam (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “A Manatee’s Hope” by Adam Kim (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “The Box” by Giovanni Lorenzo (Downtown Magnets High School)
  • “Evolution is the Solution” by Aryan Punj, Hambee Makinoda, and Bato Euol (Port of L.A. High School)

2023 Origins Awards Finalists

The 2023 Origins Awards Finalists were announced by the Game Manufacturers Association on April 24.  

The winners will be revealed at the Origins Award Ceremony on June 24.

BOARD GAMES
Social/Light Strategy
Castle Panic: Crowns and Quests ExpansionFireside Games
Creature ComfortsKids Table Board Gaming
FlamecraftLucky Duck Games
Long Shot: The Dice GamePerplext
The Finest FishLast Night Games
Strategy
EvergreenHorrible Guild
Foundations of RomeArcane Wonders
Hoplomachus: VictorumChip Theory Games
Planet UnknownAdam’s Apple Games
Three Sisters25th Century Games
Thematic
Dead ReckoningAlderac Entertainment Group (AEG)
Merchants of the Dark RoadElf Creek Games
My Father’s WorkRenegade Game Studios
Tokyo SidekickJapanime Games
Wonderland WarDruid City Games
CARD GAMES:
Cat in the BoxBezier Games
ScoutOne More Game!
Sea Salt & PaperStudio Bombyx
Turing MachineHachette Boardgames
Undaunted: StalingradOsprey Games
CHILDREN’S GAME:
Castle Panic: Second EditionFireside Games
Disney A Goofy GameFunko Games
HONK!Sinister Fish Games
The Lunch Room GameEAP Toys and Games
Turtle SplashLucky Duck Games
COLLECTABLES
Flesh and Blood – UprisingLegend Story Studios
Magic the Gathering The Brothers War CollectionWizards of the Coast
Magic the Gathering Universes Beyond WarhammerWizards of the Coast
Heroclix: Hellfire GalaWizKids
Unmatched: Houdini vs the GenieRestoration Games
MINIATURES GAME:
Lion Rampant: Second EditionOsprey Games
Northgard: Uncharted LandsHachette Boardgames
Omicron ProtocolDead Alive Games
Polyversal Sci-Fi Miniatures SystemCollins Epic Wargames
Rapture Gravity Bay
RPG CORE
BlackbirdsAndrews McMeel Publishing
Bladerunner the Roleplaying GameFree League Publishing
Coyote & CrowCoyote & Crow
Teatime AdventuresSnowbright Studio
The One RingFree League Publishing
RPG SUPPLEMENTS
Agents of DuneModiphius
Blade Runner Starter BoxFree League Publishing
Fallout Starter BoxModiphius
Warhammer Fantasy: Enemy Within Volume 5Cubicle 7 Entertainment
Zweihander Starter BoxAndrews McMeel Publishing
ACCESSORY
Call to Adventure Art DecksBrotherwise Games
Deluxe Board Game Train SetsLittle Plastic Train Co.
Power Rangers Zordon Dice Tower & GM’s ScreenRenegade Game Studios
The Deck of Many Animated ConditionsHit Point Press
The Deck of Many Animated IllusionsHit Point Press
2D ART & ILLUSTRATION:
7 SinnersMana Project Studios
Cowboys with Big HeartsBully Pulpit Games
Cult of the DeepB.A. Games
Everyday Heroes – The HuntEvil Genius Games
Galaxy Trucker – Keep on TruckinCzech Games Edition
3D ART
Fallout: Wasteland Warfare – Super Mutants: SwanModiphius
Frostgrave – Fireheart ElkOsprey Games
Omicron Protocol – Jugger the ElephantDead Alive Games
Time CapsulesRed Cat Games
GRAPHIC DESIGN
Defiant RPGGame Machinery
DulceIndie Game Studios/ Stronghold Games
Norse GrimoireMana Project Studio
Pathfinder Savage Worlds Boxed SetPinnacle Entertainment Group
Tome of ChaosR. Talsorian Games, Inc.
REVIEWS
Doctors & Daleks Player GuideTheRatHole.ca
Doctor Who The Roleplaying GameTheRatHole.ca
Grant’s Greatest Games of NovemberGrant’s Game Recs
Mind MGMT ReviewBoard Game Quest
The Best of Origins Game Fair from Grants Game RecsGrant’s Game Recs